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Daily Archives: December 29, 2008

How Badly Does a Movie Have to Suck for Sam Jackson to Say “No?”

Mr. Jackson lets his fingers tell you how many good movies hes been in this year.

Mr. Jackson lets his fingers tell you how many good movies he's been in this year.

What is the meaning of life?   Why are we here?  Is God real and if He is why doesn’t He stop Samuel L. Jackson from making so many lousy movies?

When Samuel Leroy Jackson grabbed the world by the short and curlies in a riveting, scene-stealing performance as the doomed addict, Gator in director Spike Lee’s 1991 Jungle Fever,  he had just completed drug rehabilitation two weeks earlier.  He played  a manipulative, charaming but borderline unhinged junkie so well because he wasn’t totally playing.  

Jackson as the addict, Gator Purify.

Jackson as the addict, Gator Purify.

That Sam Jackson is history.  The guy who has become the Baddest MoFo in Hollywood  is blessed with an abundance of talent, a long list of great performances and hands down the busiest man in movies today.    This year Jackson appeared in no less than six films of varying quality:  The Spirit, Soul Men, Lakeview Terrace, Star War:  The Clone Wars, Jumper and a cameo in Iron Man

No grass is going to grow under Jackson’s feet in 2009.  He already has four films in various stages of production which is staying constant to his history  of making no less than three or more movies a year.

The mystery is why does such an accomplished actor choose to appear in movies so far beneath his talents.  Marlon Brando waited until he got fat to churn out crud in exchange for a fat paycheck.   Jackson was 46 years old in 1994 when he burned up the screen as the philosophical  assassin, Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction.     The brother waited a long time for his breakthrough part.  

My wife, who is not a psychologist or a drug counselor, believes Jackson makes so many movies because staying busy  serves as therapy.   I don’t have a explanation better than that (besides the millions of dollars he makes for dressing up like a Nazi drag queen in The Spirit).

John Travolta and Sam Jackson in a post-killing moment from Pulp Fiction.

John Travolta and Sam Jackson in a post-killing moment from "Pulp Fiction."

The thing is when you’re as prolific as Jackson it doesn’t mean you’re discriminating too.  You have to wonder did he read the scripts for The Man, Amos and Andrew,  Snakes on A Plane, Deep Blue Sea,  The Return of Superfly,  xXx: State of the Union and the straight-to-DVD, Cleaner?

Now with The Spirit, Jackson joins Hackman and Caine in career crippling celluloid crapfests like  Loose Cannons and  Jaws: The Revenge.

The reviews for The Spirit are the kind that guarantees the film a place on “Ten Worst” lists and Jackson’s performance (or lack of one)  is taking a lot of the incoming fire:

 Samuel L. Jackson embarrasses himself and everyone in the audience as the Octopus, portrayed here as a flamboyant windbag who spouts endless unfunny non sequiturs and parades around in dopey costumes. “Snakes on a Plane” notwithstanding, this is surely the worst performance of Jackson’s life, consisting of nothing but out-of-control scenery chewing.     ~ Tulsa World  


Samuel L. Jackson. Jackson plays the Octopus, a really cool villain from the Spirit comic. In the strip, readers never see more than his gloves, making him a mysterious and scary guy. In the movie, he’s simply Samuel L. Jackson. You know, the “Snakes on a Plane”/ “Lakeview Terrace”/And-you-will-know-my-name-is-the-Lord-when-I-lay-my-vengeance-upon-thee persona that is quickly becoming a joke. It’s time to rent “Jungle Fever” again to remember why we used to like this guy.     ~ San Francisco Chronicle

Jackson chews the scenery mercilessly, belting out his lines with lip-smacking gusto while flashing a smile that wouldn’t be out of place, if you’ll excuse the expression, in a minstrel show. (A sequence in which he dons a Nazi uniform to threaten the captured Spirit is, even in this context, a low point.) Octopus offs an underlying who’s failed him at one point by saying that he refuses to have “egg on his face.” In that Jackson definitely fails.   ~ One Guy’s Opinion

My personal favorite was one from Spill.com where the reviewer called The Spirit  “asstastic” and a “fecal waterslide.”

Wearing white AND blue eyeshadow after Labor Day?  Say it aint so.

Wearing white AND blue eyeshadow after Labor Day? Say it ain't so.

 I  get the hint.   The Spirit stinks and one of the things about it  that stinks the most is Jackson overacting like nobody’s business.

Jackson once was quoted as saying, “A movie is just a movie to me.  They open.  They close.”

Got that right, playa.   With the exception of Iron Man, Jackson hasn’t been in a movie in 2008 that lasted longer than a fart in a tornado. 

Have you ever wondered how bad a script has to be for Sam Jackson to say “no” to?

Here’s a way to make a easy five dollars.   Bet a friend who has cable TV and premium movie channels that if they surf the evening listings of HBO, Cinemax, Showtime or Encore  they won’t find at least one flick with Jackson in it. 

The man has made close to 90 movies since 1972 with 59 of them coming since Pulp Fiction.   There’s a difference between being prolific and not particularly choosy what you do as long as the check clears.   Jackson is still one of the ten best actors in the business, but he has turned out more than enough crap that if someone else wanted to drop him from that standing,  I’d have a hard time arguing against it.

Maybe he needs to take a vacation.   A long one.   Maybe two.   It might not be a bad idea to let audiences ask, “When is the next Samuel L. Jackson movie coming out?” instead of  “Oh Lawd,  not him again.”

 
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Posted by on December 29, 2008 in Music. Movies. Media. More.

 

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Post Season and Post Mortems.

Drop your trousers in front of your team and whats that worth?  Oh, about $10 million dollars.

Drop your trousers in front of your team and what's that worth? Oh, about $10 million dollars.

This isn’t a blog where sports play a big part, but I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t play any part.

The regular season of the NFL came to a close this weekend, but before the playoffs start, I had a few thoughts on what I’ve learned over the last 17 weeks.

  • The Dallas Cowboys can now officially petition the league to change their nickname to the more appropriate Dallas Choking Dogs.
  • Brett Favre is not God, not the Son of God and not even a starting quarterback in the NFL any more.  He is a old man with a shot arm who teased the idiots in New York into believing he still had something left in the tank.   He sure did.   He threw as many interceptions (22) as he did touchdowns (22).    In what I pray will be the last time he drags his overrated ass on the field, in the game against the Miami Dolphins he tossed one TD pass to a teammate and three interceptions to the guys on the other side.   After a 8-3 start, the Jets flamed out by losing four of their last five and missed the playoffs.   The guy they got rid for Favre, Chad Pennington, returned to send the Jets home for the holidays, possibly cost the head coach his job and put an inglorious end to one arrogantly insufferable prick.   Not bad, Chad.
  • The Dallas Choking Dogs started the season looking like the team to beat in the NFC.   Too bad for them the league makes them play after Thanksgiving because once again they compiled a losing record in December and missed the playoffs.   Which is probably just as well since they haven’t won a playoff game in TWELVE years and lost their final game of the regular season for the NINTH straight year.    This isn’t “America’s Team.”  These are ”America’s Bitches.”
  • The Detroit Lions became the first (allegedly) pro football team to lose EVERY ONEof their games.   How completely and totally do you have to suck to not win even one game among the many mediocre to bad teams in the NFL?    No word if they will petition the Obama Administration for a bailout or to be declared a disaster area.   The Lions don’t belong in the NFL.  Maybe FEMA will give them a shot.
  • The Cleveland Browns went six games and 24 quarters without scoring an offensive touchdown and were shut out in their final two games.  The Lions immediately petitioned the NFL to play the Browns 16 games next seasons. 
  • Any season where some of the biggest dicks in the NFL— Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots,  Brett Favre, Chad “Ocho Stinko” Johnson, Al Davis,  Brett “walks on water” Favre,  Jerry Jones’s Choking Dogs including Terrell Owens, Tony Romo, and Pacman Jones—all miss the playoffs, is a damn good season.

My own team, the San Francisco 49ers haven’t played in a Super Bowl since 1994 and haven’t had a winning record since 2000.   That’s a long drought for a franchise that was the first to slip on five Super Bowl victory rings, but for the first time in years there’s reasons to be hopeful that the 2009 season might herald a return to the post season.

The primary reason is in removing the “interim” from coach Mike Singletary, the Niners are recognizing that a strong defense is the best friend to a weak offense.  Singletary will have a chance to get rid of the “happy” guys on the roster–(happy they’re even in the NFL) and bring in some heartbreakers and lifetakers.  

Will it work?  Who knows?  But as the Miami Dolphins proved after going 1-15 the previous season to winning their division the next after hiring Bill Parcells to tear the team apart and build it back up again, the right man with the right plan can make a difference. 

Except  in dead zones like Detroit.   Oh yeah, and Dallas.

 
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Posted by on December 29, 2008 in Rantology

 

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