Drop your trousers in front of your team and what's that worth? Oh, about $10 million dollars.
This isn’t a blog where sports play a big part, but I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t play any part.
The regular season of the NFL came to a close this weekend, but before the playoffs start, I had a few thoughts on what I’ve learned over the last 17 weeks.
- The Dallas Cowboys can now officially petition the league to change their nickname to the more appropriate Dallas Choking Dogs.
- Brett Favre is not God, not the Son of God and not even a starting quarterback in the NFL any more. He is a old man with a shot arm who teased the idiots in New York into believing he still had something left in the tank. He sure did. He threw as many interceptions (22) as he did touchdowns (22). In what I pray will be the last time he drags his overrated ass on the field, in the game against the Miami Dolphins he tossed one TD pass to a teammate and three interceptions to the guys on the other side. After a 8-3 start, the Jets flamed out by losing four of their last five and missed the playoffs. The guy they got rid for Favre, Chad Pennington, returned to send the Jets home for the holidays, possibly cost the head coach his job and put an inglorious end to one arrogantly insufferable prick. Not bad, Chad.
- The Dallas Choking Dogs started the season looking like the team to beat in the NFC. Too bad for them the league makes them play after Thanksgiving because once again they compiled a losing record in December and missed the playoffs. Which is probably just as well since they haven’t won a playoff game in TWELVE years and lost their final game of the regular season for the NINTH straight year. This isn’t “America’s Team.” These are ”America’s Bitches.”
- The Detroit Lions became the first (allegedly) pro football team to lose EVERY ONEof their games. How completely and totally do you have to suck to not win even one game among the many mediocre to bad teams in the NFL? No word if they will petition the Obama Administration for a bailout or to be declared a disaster area. The Lions don’t belong in the NFL. Maybe FEMA will give them a shot.
- The Cleveland Browns went six games and 24 quarters without scoring an offensive touchdown and were shut out in their final two games. The Lions immediately petitioned the NFL to play the Browns 16 games next seasons.
- Any season where some of the biggest dicks in the NFL— Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots, Brett Favre, Chad “Ocho Stinko” Johnson, Al Davis, Brett “walks on water” Favre, Jerry Jones’s Choking Dogs including Terrell Owens, Tony Romo, and Pacman Jones—all miss the playoffs, is a damn good season.
My own team, the San Francisco 49ers haven’t played in a Super Bowl since 1994 and haven’t had a winning record since 2000. That’s a long drought for a franchise that was the first to slip on five Super Bowl victory rings, but for the first time in years there’s reasons to be hopeful that the 2009 season might herald a return to the post season.
The primary reason is in removing the “interim” from coach Mike Singletary, the Niners are recognizing that a strong defense is the best friend to a weak offense. Singletary will have a chance to get rid of the “happy” guys on the roster–(happy they’re even in the NFL) and bring in some heartbreakers and lifetakers.
Will it work? Who knows? But as the Miami Dolphins proved after going 1-15 the previous season to winning their division the next after hiring Bill Parcells to tear the team apart and build it back up again, the right man with the right plan can make a difference.
Except in dead zones like Detroit. Oh yeah, and Dallas.
