Asshole of the Week

It’s not easy to top a city full of asshole like Minnapolis was with the Republican National Convention and Circle Jerk in town featuring Rudy Asshole Giuliani, Fred Asshole Thompson, Sarah “the pit bull” Palin, and lifetime Asshole William “You Think This is a Smile” Kristol for Asshole of the Week, but there is someone who is a bigger asshole than them.

Detroit’s disgraced ex-mayor and all-around asshole Kwame Kilpatrick was a strong contender, but he came up short.  His asshole will be in for a serious investigation while he’s in jail.  Don’t bend over for the soap your no-Honor.

In a nation full of assholes there is one stinking asshole that separates himself from the pack.

Here is a man that needs to be forcibly medicated.

Here is a man that needs to be forcibly medicated.

Chad Johnson, the mouthy, self-absorbed, self-promoting, overrated asshole wide receiver of the Cincinatti Bengals was already one of the most obnoxious players in the NFL.  Now that he has legally changed his last name from “Johnson” to “Ocho Cinco” he has solidified his status as The Dumbest Asshole in the NFL.

That’s not easy in a league where idiots like Terrell “I Love Me Some Me” Owens and Adam “Only My Teammates Call Me Pac-Mac” Jones both play for the Dallas Cowboys.

The Bengals and Cowboys play each other this season.  Following the Republican National Convention that will be the second biggest assemblage of assholes in the same place at the same time.

God help us all.

3 thoughts on “Asshole of the Week

  1. Chad Johnson is a self promoter. He has been known to put himself before his team. But the world’s biggest asshole? Give me a break. I invite you to check out his 2007 trip to Kenya. Would the world’s biggest asshole make this trip? It may not change your mind, but a football player who has never been in trouble with the law, makes noise because he questions his team’s desire to improve, and has made 5 pro bowls is not always what you may see in the media. They love him when he is amusing them, but when he takes a stand, he’s a bad guy. Don’t believe the hype. I can think of about 30 other teams in the NFL that could use this bad guy.

    Nicknames on the back of a uniform is nothing new. Nick Weatherspoon of the Bullets wore “Spoon”, Elvin Hayes wore “E”, Ken Harrelson wore “Hawk” and the worst promotional gimmick ever was Andy Messersmith of the Braves. Ted Turner was so hot to prommote his Superstation, well it speaks for itself.


  2. Like anything else, opinions are subjective. And they are also like assholes. Everyone has one. My opinion is Chad Johnson is a self-promoting, self-centered, selfish, “hooray for me” baller.

    It’s great that he’s gone to Kenya, but what does that have to do with his “Me, Me, Me” attitude? I wouldn’t want Johnson or (“Ocho Psycho” as his own coach referred to him ) on my team.

    If you want him on yours, more power to you.


  3. Chad Ocho Cinco (which isn’t 85 in Spanish by the way, something that makes him look even more ridiculous) is a bigger asshole than Kwame Kilpatrick?

    Don’t see how.

    While I’ll agree with you that Johnson should spend more time working on his game than on his shenanigans, I don’t see how he’s more of an asshole than Kwame “I love you madly” Kilpatrick.

    You’d have to work really hard to top him in my opinion, but Johnson does come close.


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