It is totally untrue that Dick Cheney has a fondness for eating live babies.
Dead babies are another story. They don’t put up as much of a fight.
But that’s only if there aren’t any live rats available. Now that’s some good eatin’.
In a city which has seen the likes of J. Edgar Hoover, Joseph McCarthy, Jesse Helms and Richard Nixon has there ever been a bigger bastard in Washington than Richard B. Cheney, the 43rd Vice-President of the United States and one huge waste of skin?
Last week, Evil Dick arose from his crypt, licked the blood of a particulary tasty rodent from his thin lips and sat down with reporters from Politico.com and predicted the United States may suffer a terror attack using nuclear weapons.
And guess what? This time it’ll be Barack Obama’s fault because he didn’t carry on the policies of The Cheney-Bush Administration.
“When we get people who are more concerned about reading the rights to an Al Qaeda terrorist than they are with protecting the United States against people who are absolutely committed to do anything they can to kill Americans, then I worry,” Evil Dick said.
Evil Dick added, “If it hadn’t been for what we did — with respect to the terrorist surveillance program, or enhanced interrogation techniques for high-value detainees, the Patriot Act, and so forth — then we would have been attacked again,” he said. “Those policies we put in place, in my opinion, were absolutely crucial to getting us through the last seven-plus years without a major-casualty attack on the U.S.”
Evil Dick says despite being undead himself he worries about terrorists getting their hands on some kind of nuclear device. Then all hell would break loose. A location he himself is intimately familiar with.
“I think there’s a high probability of such an attempt. Whether or not they can pull it off depends whether or not we keep in place policies that have allowed us to defeat all further attempts, since 9/11, to launch mass-casualty attacks against the United States.”
Being Evil Dick means never saying you’re sorry for the illegal, immoral and quite possibly futile policies the Cheney/Bush bunch put it place to “protect” the United States. He considers the fact Al Qaeda hasn’t struck again as proof of success.
But you can’t prove a negative. Because nothing has happened doesn’t mean it didn’t happen because Evil Dick found the terrorists, ripped open their throats with his fangs and bled them dry.
You ever notice how Evil Dick and other apologists for George W. Bush make it seem as if they weren’t in charge before September 11, 2001? It’s always what they did the seven-plus-years after 9/11 and never what they failed to do the nine months before.
Funny, but last I looked Al Qaeda was still a viable and potent threat to the U.S.
And seven-plus-years after the murders of over 3000 Americans, Osama bin Laden was still running loose—- probably in Pakistan which has both a wobbly government, a military with officers sympathetic to Al Qaeda and the Taliban and nuclear weapons to boot.
Not that facts matter to Evil Dick. He didn’t need ’em before he convinced his retarded running mate to invade Iraq and he sure doesn’t need ’em now.
Nobody knows when or if terrorists will attack America again. Evil Dick sure doesn’t, but if they do, you can be sure he’ll have a new secret bunker to hide in. He just stuck his head up long enough to say, “Hey, you idiots voted for the wrong guy. So next time you’re ALL GONNA DIE and this time it’s the Black guy’s fault. Bye-bye.”
America may not survive. Democracy may not survive. But Evil Dick will. Sleazy bastards who feed on dead babies and live rats are damned hard to kill. You have to stake them in the heart (which Evil Dick had surgically removed by now), cut off their heads, stuff the mouth with cloves of garlic, burn the body and salt the earth where they’ve fallen.
But being a evil dick like Evil Dick Cheney means as long as you stay out of direct sunlight, load up on the biggest rats you can catch and keep your fangs carved to a sharp point, you never have to give up trying to scare the hell out of people.
Because that’s what Evil Dicks do.