Brett Favre, the Jessica Simpson of Pro Football.

Even Football Jesus couldn't get the Jets in the playoffs.

Even Football Jesus couldn't get the Jets in the playoffs.

Brett Favre retired from the National Football League.

What?  AGAIN?   Haven’t we seen this movie before?

Nothing would make me happier as a football fan than to get rid of Favre and the cult of sportswriters, broadcasters and slaves that worship at his feet.

I don’t think this publicity seeking whore is done yet.  Sometime next season a quarterback will go down and immediately the speculation will start.  Will Favre come back?   Let’s put it this way.  If the Cincinnatti Bengals have an opening for a signal caller, hell no, Favre won’t go.  But if it’s one of the NFL “glamour” franchises like the Dallas Choking Dogs with a job opening we will see Number 4’s tired ass back in the league.

When Brett the Holy One hung it up last time it was a big deal.  This time the response was, “big deal.”

I know some people are hanging on every detail about Alex Rodriguez using steroids, Chris Brown pimp slapping Rihanna before the Grammys, Michael Phelps losing sponsors due to his fondness for sparking up and hitting a big-ass bong or that crazy octo-mom Nadia Suleman and her 14 kids,  BUT I DON’T CARE!

Last week the hot story was whether or not Christian Bale needed anger management treatment after threatening to go postal  over some crew member who distracted him on the set of Terminator: Salvation.   Oh wait.  Bale apologized.  Okay.  Let’s go to You Tube and watch Joaquin Phoenix’s incohrent mumblings on The David Letterman Show.

Or let’s not and say we did.  Well, what about Salma Hayek whipping on one of her milk jugs and popping it into the mouth of a baby in Africa who’s mama ran dry?  That should be good for a totally gratitutious boob shot .

Or better yet.  Look at Jessica Simpson.  Hey, she got fat!  God, how hard up are we for entertainment?

Simpson put on some weight.  Stop the presses!  Throw a picture up there.  Okay, so she’s a little thicker, but nobody would confuse her with Queen “I am not a lesbian” Latifah.   Some more curves, but she’s wearing mom jeans and  still ain’t got no butt to fill in those pants. 

Brett Favre is the Jessica Simpson of pro football.  A bit more talented, but ever bit as irrelevant.

Got mo curves.  Still aint got no talent.

Got mo' curves. Still ain't got no talent.

Favre retiring was a major news story the first time he tried it last year.   ESPN treated it like it was the announcement of a new pope.   Even non-sports media picked up the story and mused over how soon the overrated QB would walk into the Hall of Fame.  Favre was celebrated as the greatest quarterback ever and he milked it for all it was worth.  Never mind the fact that after 14 seasons he’d only won ONE Super Bowl.

Favre isn’t the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL.  He’s the greatest egomaniac in the history of the NFL.  The way people like Sports Illustrated’s Peter King and NBC’s John Madden talked about Favre, you could almost see the child-like wonder in their eyes and the worship in their voice.

The mindless adulation of Favre was all out of proportion to his accomplishments on the field.   Sportswriters are no different than the fans.  They’re predominantly White men writing about sports that are dominated by Black men.  It’s a lot easier for a middle-aged guy to relate to a talented, but overrated QB from Mississippi than a tattooed brother from L.A. sporting dreads and dancing like a maniac in the end zone.

When  Simpson failed as a pop singer, she made a career change and came back as a country singer.  I doubt real country fans are buying into her change up, but what else is she going to do?  Start rapping?

Same thing with Favre.  He went as far as he could go with the Green Bay Packers and even they were getting tired of his penchant for throwing brain-dead interceptions at critical moments.   Favre looked around and saw a Packers team on the down stroke, so he when the team rightly refused his selfish demands to  trade him to a competing team in their own division, they shipped him out to the Jets.

As it turns out, the Jets cleared the deck for Favre bycutting starting QB Chad Pennington who signed with the Miami Dolphins.  The Jets came out hot, faded in the middle and flopped at the end missing the playoffs entirely.  Meanwhile, Pennington led the Dolphins into the playoffs and won Comeback Player of the Year.   Is that the sound of poetic justice?

So let Favre retire.   He’ll be back.  Just like when Simpson will after she drops 20 pounds. She’ll be all over the celebrity mags boasting of how she lost the flab and you can too (provided  you can afford a exclusive trainer to work you out).

Meanwhile I’m bored with this week’s celebrity news.  What’s up next?  Madonna or Amy Winehouse fighting over who’s going  to steal Favre from his wife? 

So many clowns.  So few circuses. 

Hey look, its Jessica Simpson in her mom jeans.

"Hey look, it's Jessica Simpson in her mom jeans."

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4 thoughts on “Brett Favre, the Jessica Simpson of Pro Football.

  1. it’s hard to tell whether Joaquin Phoenix was faking it or not during that Letterman interview, especially since he’s such a talented actor…

  2. Only in the NFL and even further, only in America can such an inconsistent and self-destructive QB as Favre be considered a legend. I say self destructive because his will to throw into double coverage time and time again has cost his teams more than it should have. Out of a 17-year career, he’s been to two Super Bowls, winning only one and the one that he won is now twelve years in the past. In the ’07 season he was the “comeback kid” who made football enjoyable to watch again in the aftermath of the Michael Vick saga.
    White America had its hero once again in Favre. Favre is true Americana just as Simpson is–dumb, overrated, country and popular for no apparent reason!

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