Bangin’ on BET (Butts Every Time)

BET (Butts Every Time)  has been in the Hall of Shame of Suck for so long now that it’s not even worth bangin’ on them anymore.

But they’re such a big, fat target I can’t pass up a chance to do it one mo’ time.

Fortunately I was at work the other night when the  BET Awards show was on so I missed out on how horrible it was.   Strictly amateur night, but what would anyone expect from a network with a budget of $100 and a coupon for a bucket of extra crispy Kentucky Fried Chicken?

I’m all for supporting Black businesses, but I’m not supporting anyone or anybody that serves up garbage, the worst of stereotypes and just general buffoons and coons as entertainment.   When BET was just a shuck and jive piece of crap owned by Bob “Bobcat” Johnson, I could just hate on it for him being too cheap to invest in decent programming.   But BET is part of the Viacom empire and if anything it sucks even harder than it did when it was Black-owned.

When Bob Johnson launched his feces factory of a network his formula was to program a lot of videos because they were cheap and canceled television shows like Benson because they were almost as cheap.   BET soon became the place to go to see ugly, mush-mouthed rappers wearing chains big enough to tow trucks pouring “champagne” in slow motion over some video ho’s ass.    Every now and then they might mix in a news show or some public affairs program like the critically acclaimed “Teen Summit,” but Johnson’s heart and soul was always in the gyrating butts and bump n’ grind of bad rap videos.

Activist, writer and unsuccessful Congressional candidate Kevin Powell told the New York Times in 2006,  “I’m on the college circuit a hundred times a year, and people always ask me what is wrong with BET. We have to stop participating in the one-dimensional portrayals of ourselves. And BET as the premier television network for black people has to take the lead on that.”

There were some vague hopes when Johnson took his billion dollars from Viacom and shuffled off to show he knew as little about putting together a good NBA franchise (Charlotte BOBcats) as he did programming a television network, his right-hand woman, Debra Lee might be an improvement.

Meet the new jigaboo.  Same as the old jigaboo.

Meet the new jigaboo. Same as the old jigaboo.

That was three years ago.  Ain’t a damn thing changed.   Except that BET  became even more unwatchable.

The line-up for Tuesday, June 30, 2009  features such fine television as the following:

  • Two hours of Smart Guy, a sitcom starring Tahj Mowry that ran two seasons and was cancelled ten years ago.
  • Two hours of The Game, a sitcom starring Tia Mowry Hardict, Taj’s sister.   The show was canceled by the CW network and BET picked it up.
  • An hour of Judge Hatchett, a reality “law” show.  One episode is entitled, “Your Orgy Party Made a Mess of My Home.”
  • The BlackBuster Movie:  Beauty Shop.   Miss it at 8:00 pm and you can catch it again at 11:30 pm.
  • 106th and Park.   A video clip show.  I say “clips” because even though the show is 90 minuts long you don’t expect them to show complete videos do you?   The show also features the singer Ashanti to talk about her Broadway show, “The Wiz.”   Immediately followed by…
  • Access Granted:   “Tune in for a BET all-access behind the scenes look at Ashanti and her role as Dorothy in the Broadway musical, “The Wiz.”

The rest of the day’s programming consists of lousy reality shows,  another Black-themed flick,  and two hours of religious programs from 4:00 to 6:00 in the morning.

That’s all you get from BET.  No news.  No sports.  No public affairs.  No health, business, politics or lifestyle programs.    Just 24 hours of  the same old numb, dumb bullshit EVERY DAMN DAY.    Wash.  Rinse. Repeat.  Just how raggedy do you have to be in 2009 when there’s a Black president not to offer one minute of news or politics?

I got a reality show for Debra Lee’s tired ass.  Hey D.L.  check this out:

What do you think my chances of getting “Big Pimpin’ with Barack” on BET?

Another mind warped by watching BET.

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