Stupid Black Man of the Week: Kanye West (and it’s only Monday!)

Call the cops!  Kanye is mugging Taylor!

Call the cops! Kanye is mugging Taylor!

What the hell?

MTV plays music videos?  GET OUT!  When did that happen?

I want to believe what he have here is another one of MTV’s well-known stunts, but if it was Taylor Swift looked like nobody told her.

Kanye, I know you lost your mama last year and I’m sorry for your loss, but did you lose your damn mind too?   I mean, you got Eminem saying, “That boy ain’t right.”

Forget about manners.  Where’s your good sense?   You actually ran up on Taylor Swift, a White girl that does country music, jacked the mic and started babbling about Beyonce’s video was better?    Do you have any idea how many people LOVE country music and here you are bum-rushing itty-bitty Taylor Swift?

Brutha, are you HIGH?   Oh, wait…here we go.  Sorry.  I retract that question.

Is Kanye's problem in his right hand or his left?

Is Kanye's problem in his right hand or his left?

Either Kanye is drinking too much or he’s screwing too many tranny androids like Amber Rose.  Maybe it’s both.   This man is crying out for help.  Somebody needs to stage an intervention now.

Either way, he didn’t make any new friends by showing his bitchass at the VMA’s.   Hate me now or love me now, KW?  I think I’ll hate you now.  You,  Serena Williams and Joe Wilson ought to form a band called The Whiny Ass Crybabies.

Even Kelly Clarkson thinks you suck hard.  She dropped this on your head via her blog:

Dear Kanye,

What happened to you as a child?? Did you not get hugged enough?? Something must have happened to make you this way and I think we’re all just curious as to what would make a grown man go on national television and make a talented artist, let alone teenager, feel like shit. I mean, I’ve seen you do some pretty shitty things, but you just keep amazing me with your tactless, asshole ways. It’s absolutely fascinating how much I don’t like you. I like everyone. I even like my asshole ex that cheated on me over you…which is pretty odd since I don’t even personally know you. The best part of this evening is that you weren’t even up for THIS award and yet you still have a problem with the outcome. Is winning a moon man that much of a life goal?? You can have mine if it will shut you up. Is it that important, really??

I was actually nominated in the same category that Taylor won and I was excited for her…so why can’t you be?? I’m not even mad at you for being an asshole…I just pity you because you’re a sad human being.

On a side note, Beyonce has always been a class act and proved again tonight that she still is. Go TEXAS!!

Taylor Swift, you outsell him ….that’s why he’s bitter. You know I love your work! Keep it up girl!

KC :)

At least Kelly got her hate on through her blog.  Pink and Katy Perry just nuked Kanye’s ass via Twitter.

Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me.  ~ Pink

“FUCK U KANYE. IT’S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN.” –  Katy Perry

This woman could kick Kanyes ass with no problem.

This woman could kick Kanye's ass with no problem.

Damn.  You know you got it bad when girls want to kick your ass (and in the case of Pink versus Kanye, I’m taking Pink).

For a guy who made two good albums (The College Dropout, Late Registration) and two bad albums (Graduation, 808 & Heartbreak) he sure thinks a lot of his meager little accomplishments.

Kanye isn’t the type to listen to anybody, but what he should do if he were, he should kick Amber the Tranny to the curb, hook up with Serena and both of them can go into therapy and work on their lack of maturity issues.

Why a grown man would want to stomp on stage to spoil a teenager’s big MTV moment can’t be explained and won’t be forgiven?

Kanye and Serena were locked in a steel cage death match to determine which of their dumb-asses would be the Stupid Black Man or Stupid Black Woman of the Week.

Kanye is a punk but he knows what he’s doing. Serena is just an immature loser.

But they BOTH showed their behinds.

Kanye wins based on lifetime achievement.   He just tried harder.

When Kanye quipped, “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people,” he was speaking from his heart, not his brain.   He wasn’t all right about Bush, but in the way Bush handled the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, he wasn’t all wrong either.

Well, who’s the dick now?  Even Bush can laugh at Kanye West’s continuing gross acts of stupidity.

What’s funnier than a “music” channel that stopped playing music videos years ago giving away awards for music videos they don’t play?

Who really gives a shit about a VMA?

And since the awards don’t mean dick, what’s left except find something “outrageous” that happened completely and totally spontaneously and without warning like say Sasha Baron Cohen’s ass landing in front of Eminem’s mug at the MTV Movie Awards?

If he really wanted to freak America out Kanye would have bent Taylor Swift back and shoved his tongue down her throat.  This stuff is about as genuine as a porn star’s orgasm.   So is his “apology.”

Advertisements

No Booty Calls for Barack.

She's got the hots for the O-Man.

She's got the hots for the O-Man.

President Obama’s popularity ratings may be taking a dip but he’s still a hot commodity among some groups.  Or is that groupies?

A word of caution to Michelle Obama: if a woman calls The White House claiming to be ambassador from Sweden who urgently needs to meet with the president on a matter of utmost importance,  hang up.  

That’s just Malin Akerman sniffing around your man. 

If  you didn’t see Watchmen, the name of Malin Akerman probably won’t mean much to you, but that’s okay.  Here’s all you need to know.   She played the heroine Silk Spectre in a vergy tight latex uniform she described as a “human condom.”   The other thing you need to know is in an interview in the October issue of Esquire,  Akerman  has some….well…interesting things to say about the president.

Such as the fact the O-Man makes her think naughty thoughts about doing naughty things to him.

“I get sweaty palms when I think about  him.  He’s so supremely intelligent, and he’s a man.  I just want to go in there and become  a home wrecker.  No, I really don’t.” 

The Esquire interviewer tells Malin there’s pictures on the internet of a shirtless Obama swimming during a Hawaiian vacation.  Akerman has never seen the photos, but she’s clearly curious to do so and more than her palms are getting damp.

“I might have to have a little bathroom break.  Change my panties.”

Miss Akerman would like a moment of the president's time...

"Hey, Michelle, mind if I borrow your man?"

The interviewer pulls up the picture of president splashing in the surf.  Akerman is not disappointed.

“Oh, my God.  I really need to meet him and mess up his marriage.  And mess up mine, too.”

Akerman is married to some Italian guy who plays drums in her rock band.  I think Barack’s probably got a pretty good shot if he and Michelle ever hit a rocky patch.

“Have you seen his hands?  I’m sorry, but I’m a big hand freak, and those hands could wrap around you twice.”

Oh, that old myth again.  Isn’t the only thing you can say with real certainty about a man with big hands is he has to wear big gloves?  Apparently, there’s a few 31-year-old Swedish starlets that didn’t get the memo.

The First Lady is a confident classy, smart and accomplished woman whom even when Barack was in the U.S. Senate, was making more money that he was.   You think she don’t know what a babe magnet her hubby is?  I know more than a few brothers who confess to checking  out The First Lady’s fun buns.  You ever hear of anyone scoping out Laura Bush’s butt?  

 Chris Rock famously observed, ” A man is only as faithful as his options.”  I’m willing to bet President Obama has a lot of options.   If he were to unleash his inner Bill Clinton/John Kennedy and creep around, Obama would be spoiled for choice. 

If the president even reads Esquire, he’d probably be smile and be flattered by Akerman’s panting and plotting on how to break up his happy home, but whatever else Obama is he ain’t stupid.    Even if he wanted to get his freak on with a little sumpthin’ sumpthin’ on the side, he wouldn’t do in the White House with a White woman.  With as much on the ball as Obama knows what he might gain from fooling around  isn’t worth what he would lose.   

It’s like Tupac said, “All eyez on me.”   There’s no shortage of eyes on Obama every moment of every day.  Except when he retreats to the presidential lavatory where he probably sneaks a quick cigarette in.    But as for sneaking in a blonde or brunette?  Fuhgeddaboutit.  

Does this look like a woman worried about someone pushing up on her man?

"Sure thing, Malin. But first, are you covered for major body trauma?"

Besides he’s already got Michelle who’s smart, fine and bootylicious.  When you’ve already got prime rib at home, why go out for a hot dog?

Why does Michelle smile so pretty?  You’d smile too if you knew thousands of women are fiendin’ on your husband, but he’s not going anywhere.   Imagine if he got caught in the act.  Does Michelle look like someone who would stand by her man’s side at a news conference where he admits to an act of infidelity?   Hell no, Negro!   She knows she ain’t got a damn thing to worry about from Malin Akerman or anyone else checking out the Commander-In-Chief.   Let ’em look because they won’t get to touch. 

Even with the Secret Service, Barack’s protected by a strong Black woman who’s protecting her interests.   As far as Malin Ackerman’s Jungle Fever fantasies goes, I hope they keep her warm on a cold night. 

 If they’re not named Malia, Sasha or Michelle, there ain’t no other “Obama Girls” in Barack’s forseeable future.