No Booty Calls for Barack.

She's got the hots for the O-Man.

She's got the hots for the O-Man.

President Obama’s popularity ratings may be taking a dip but he’s still a hot commodity among some groups.  Or is that groupies?

A word of caution to Michelle Obama: if a woman calls The White House claiming to be ambassador from Sweden who urgently needs to meet with the president on a matter of utmost importance,  hang up.  

That’s just Malin Akerman sniffing around your man. 

If  you didn’t see Watchmen, the name of Malin Akerman probably won’t mean much to you, but that’s okay.  Here’s all you need to know.   She played the heroine Silk Spectre in a vergy tight latex uniform she described as a “human condom.”   The other thing you need to know is in an interview in the October issue of Esquire,  Akerman  has some….well…interesting things to say about the president.

Such as the fact the O-Man makes her think naughty thoughts about doing naughty things to him.

“I get sweaty palms when I think about  him.  He’s so supremely intelligent, and he’s a man.  I just want to go in there and become  a home wrecker.  No, I really don’t.” 

The Esquire interviewer tells Malin there’s pictures on the internet of a shirtless Obama swimming during a Hawaiian vacation.  Akerman has never seen the photos, but she’s clearly curious to do so and more than her palms are getting damp.

“I might have to have a little bathroom break.  Change my panties.”

Miss Akerman would like a moment of the president's time...

"Hey, Michelle, mind if I borrow your man?"

The interviewer pulls up the picture of president splashing in the surf.  Akerman is not disappointed.

“Oh, my God.  I really need to meet him and mess up his marriage.  And mess up mine, too.”

Akerman is married to some Italian guy who plays drums in her rock band.  I think Barack’s probably got a pretty good shot if he and Michelle ever hit a rocky patch.

“Have you seen his hands?  I’m sorry, but I’m a big hand freak, and those hands could wrap around you twice.”

Oh, that old myth again.  Isn’t the only thing you can say with real certainty about a man with big hands is he has to wear big gloves?  Apparently, there’s a few 31-year-old Swedish starlets that didn’t get the memo.

The First Lady is a confident classy, smart and accomplished woman whom even when Barack was in the U.S. Senate, was making more money that he was.   You think she don’t know what a babe magnet her hubby is?  I know more than a few brothers who confess to checking  out The First Lady’s fun buns.  You ever hear of anyone scoping out Laura Bush’s butt?  

 Chris Rock famously observed, ” A man is only as faithful as his options.”  I’m willing to bet President Obama has a lot of options.   If he were to unleash his inner Bill Clinton/John Kennedy and creep around, Obama would be spoiled for choice. 

If the president even reads Esquire, he’d probably be smile and be flattered by Akerman’s panting and plotting on how to break up his happy home, but whatever else Obama is he ain’t stupid.    Even if he wanted to get his freak on with a little sumpthin’ sumpthin’ on the side, he wouldn’t do in the White House with a White woman.  With as much on the ball as Obama knows what he might gain from fooling around  isn’t worth what he would lose.   

It’s like Tupac said, “All eyez on me.”   There’s no shortage of eyes on Obama every moment of every day.  Except when he retreats to the presidential lavatory where he probably sneaks a quick cigarette in.    But as for sneaking in a blonde or brunette?  Fuhgeddaboutit.  

Does this look like a woman worried about someone pushing up on her man?

"Sure thing, Malin. But first, are you covered for major body trauma?"

Besides he’s already got Michelle who’s smart, fine and bootylicious.  When you’ve already got prime rib at home, why go out for a hot dog?

Why does Michelle smile so pretty?  You’d smile too if you knew thousands of women are fiendin’ on your husband, but he’s not going anywhere.   Imagine if he got caught in the act.  Does Michelle look like someone who would stand by her man’s side at a news conference where he admits to an act of infidelity?   Hell no, Negro!   She knows she ain’t got a damn thing to worry about from Malin Akerman or anyone else checking out the Commander-In-Chief.   Let ’em look because they won’t get to touch. 

Even with the Secret Service, Barack’s protected by a strong Black woman who’s protecting her interests.   As far as Malin Ackerman’s Jungle Fever fantasies goes, I hope they keep her warm on a cold night. 

 If they’re not named Malia, Sasha or Michelle, there ain’t no other “Obama Girls” in Barack’s forseeable future.

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One thought on “No Booty Calls for Barack.

  1. I don’t know if I woke up prude this morning, but Malin’s gushing praise sounds adolescent. Change my panties? Please.

    Maybe I’m still not over “So messy!

    The condom costume didn’t do her body any favors and the dark, line-straight haircut was too severe, too.

    Prude, prude, prude.

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