Oh my dear God, Roland Emmerich is destroying The White House again. Does he hate America or is he just a teabagger birther Republican who hates Barack Obama and no, there’s really not a dime’s worth of difference between the two.
Emmerich picked up the crown Irwin Allen held as the Master of the Disaster Flick and in his latest “stuff-blows-up-real-good” piece of dog droppings, he’s through messing with the U.S.A. Now he wants the whole world to bite it.
Emmerich, has come up with some apocalypse porn he hopes will make your nipples hard. It’s called 2012 and stars John “When Did I Turn Into Nicholas Cage?” Cusack, Amanda Peet and about a billion or so expendable human beings, including you if you’re not fortunate to be one of the only four White people in Los Angeles escaping global doom in the world’s fastest and most indestructible limousine.
Emmerich, is the genius/hack misdirector that brought us such sophisticated and intellectual fare as Independence Day, Godzilla (not the original, but the even shittier remake with the tagline “Size Matters”) and The Day After Tomorrow. Standing in for Nic Cage is Cusack who continues his retreat from being a formerly credible actor and hopefully was well paid for this crap.
Armed with a millions of dollars of CGI and some really obvious and surprisingly cheap looking models, Emmerich uses an ancient Mayan prophecy as the premise to solve California’s illegal immigration problem once and for all; kill everybody and let God sort out their green card.
Emmerich likes his movies big and stupid and 2012looks to be his biggest and stupidest yet. It may singlehandedly drive down SAT scores five points. That’s quite an accomplishment for a guy who makes Michael Bay look like Martin Scorcese.
Danny Glover plays the President of the United States just as it all goes to hell. The tagline for 2012is “We Were Warned.” Yep, Rush Limbaugh tried to tell you what would happen with those people in charge.
Yes, you lost five minutes of your life watching that clip you’ll never get back. On the bright though, it saved you nine dollars and losing two hours killing brain cells. That is unless you’re as big a dummy and as stupid as Roland Emmerich is hoping you are.