Roland Emmerich’s “2012” or “I Like ’em big and stupid”.

What's on YOUR bucket list?

What's on YOUR bucket list?

Oh my dear God, Roland Emmerich is destroying The White House again.   Does he hate America or is he just a teabagger birther Republican who hates Barack Obama and no, there’s really not a dime’s worth of difference between the two. 

Emmerich picked up the crown Irwin Allen held as the Master of the Disaster Flick  and in his latest “stuff-blows-up-real-good” piece of dog droppings, he’s through messing with the U.S.A.  Now he wants the whole world to bite it.

Emmerich, has come up with some apocalypse porn he hopes will make your nipples hard.  It’s called 2012 and stars John “When Did I Turn Into Nicholas Cage?”  Cusack, Amanda Peet and about a billion or so expendable human beings, including you if you’re not fortunate to be one of the only four White people in Los Angeles escaping global doom in the world’s fastest and most indestructible limousine.

Emmerich, is the genius/hack misdirector that brought us such sophisticated and intellectual fare as Independence Day,  Godzilla (not the original, but the even shittier remake with the tagline “Size Matters”) and The Day After Tomorrow.   Standing in for Nic Cage is Cusack who continues his retreat from being a formerly credible actor and hopefully was well paid for this crap. 

Armed with a millions of dollars of CGI and some really obvious  and surprisingly cheap looking models, Emmerich uses an ancient Mayan prophecy as the premise to solve California’s illegal immigration problem once and for all;  kill everybody and let God sort out their green card.

Emmerich likes his movies big and stupid and 2012looks to be his biggest and stupidest yet.  It may singlehandedly drive down SAT scores five points.   That’s quite an accomplishment for a guy who makes Michael Bay look like Martin Scorcese. 

Danny Glover plays the President of the United States just as it all goes to hell.   The tagline for 2012is “We Were Warned.”   Yep, Rush Limbaugh tried to tell you what would happen with those people  in charge.  

Yes,  you lost five minutes of your life watching that clip you’ll never get back.   On the bright though, it saved you nine dollars and losing two hours killing brain cells.   That is unless you’re as big a dummy and as stupid as Roland Emmerich is hoping you are.

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5 thoughts on “Roland Emmerich’s “2012” or “I Like ’em big and stupid”.

    • It’s not a review. It’s a critique of a five minute sequence of brain dead and lame special effects. What, you think this is a movie review?

      Do you have the slightest clue what a real movie review is or are the only movies you’ve seen are the ones where Mommy drives you to the mall, kisses you on the cheek, gives you ten dollars for a ticket and a box of popcorn and makes you promise that you’ll be waiting RIGHT HERE when she comes back to pick you up?

  1. Hmmm… your response indicates who it is that’s the child here. You are trashing a film that you’ve seen 5 minutes of… that’s on YOU, not me. You have declared it to be unworthy of anybody’s time… again without seeing it. You have intimated that Danny Glover being the President of the United States during a time of catastrophe is some sort of racist statement. Further expanding on this sentiment you call this a cure for California’s illegal immigration. At first I thought you were being cute, but it’s painfully apparent you take this kind of nonsense seriously. I mean, do you read what you write or do you just spontaneously spew your puss onto the keyboard and it just sorta does its thing from there?

    I plan on skipping this movie simply because I am played out on disaster flicks… but I could see where this kind of thing might be entertaining to people. I don’t think they’ll be going in looking at things through your warped perspective and I suppose society can be glad for that.

    Again. You’re a moron.

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