John Edwards’ Bad Hair Year.



You won’t find too many liberals on Keith Olbermann’s “Worst Person in the World” list, but the sleazy misadventures of John “Baby Daddy “Edwards makes him a strong contender for the list.    Edwards admitted to being the father of his jump off’s baby, his wife Elizabeth separated from him and a new book by a really disgruntled aide, rips him a new hole as a totally unprincipled horndog. 

The only person to have a worst week that Edwards was…scratch that….NOBODY had a worse week.  

Regardless of political affiliation, every American owes a debt of gratitude to Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton for knocking Edwards out of the race for the Democratic presidential nomination.   One can only shudder in horror at how big of a debacle it could have been had Edwards had slimed his way into the standard-bearer for the Democrats and the revelations of his affair and later impregnation of Rielle Hunter come out during the general election. 

Let’s put it this way.  We’d be talking about President McCain’s first State of the Union speech and the permanent Republican majority Karl Rove liked to fantasize about, okay?  

The New York Daily News has a timeline of how everything went sideways for Edwards.  

It’s easy to forget now, but for a time in 2007 Edwards looked like the go-to guy for the Democrats.  Obama was still a relative newcomer, mired far behind Clinton and Edwards in the polls without so much as a pulse in Iowa.   Hillary was both well-known and deeply unpopular with many voters who were wary of the prospect of a Clinton sequel.   Edwards was the only one in the race talking the sort of populist, progressive rhetoric that makes Democratic hearts flutter.  

The man in the middle saved the Democrats from a debacle.

He also had hair like John Kennedy, a nice family and a smart wife bravely battling an untreatable cancer.  What was there not to like about John Edwards? 

Plenty if one is to believe the stories Edwards staffer Andrew Young tells in The Politician.   Young details a series of elaborate ruses and schemes Edwards employed to keep his two-year affair with Hunter going while deceiving his wife.   It’s interesting to note that following the National Enquirer outing the Edwards affair, Young says both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton placed s calls to Elizabeth Edwards to express their sympathy.   Bill Clinton also called John Edwards but to ask, “How’d you get caught?”  

The really sad thing about the whole sorry mess is there are no truly good guys in the whole mess.  Only bad guys (John Edwards, Rielle Hunter) and somewhat tarnished good guys (Elizabeth Edwards supposedly knew of her husband’s infidelity yet continued to stand by her man throughout the 2008 presidential campaign).  

To give credit where it’s due, conservatives had tweaked Edwards for his preening vanity as evidenced by the $400 haircuts and his hollow pretense of populist politician while chilling in a 30,000 square foot mansion.   They derided him as a slick attorney who had enriched himself by suing doctors and hospitals. 

Had Edwards been able to win the nomination he might have put his midnight booty calls to Hunter on hold and placated her with the prospect of moving his mistress into the Lincoln Bedroom at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  More than likely, some operative in the McCain campaign or the Republican National Committee would have looked for the fire behind the smoke of allegations of Edwards’ extra-marital affairs.   

How would the electorate respond to a presidential candidate not only cheating on a wife dealing with a second bout of cancer, but fathering a child with his bimbo mistress?   Probably not at all well to a scandal that would make Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky look like a tacky one night stand in Las Vegas.

Young claims to have in his possession a sex tape of Hunter and Edwards.   Hunter is demanding its return.  Stay tuned for it’s availablilty as a digital download or streaming live on the net at some point.   If that wasn’t enough humiliation for Edwards, a grand jury is investigating whether he funnelled campaign funds to Hunter to keep her silence.   Things just keep getting better for John-Boy.  

America loves second acts and redemption stories, so I wouldn’t think it impossible for John Edwards to one day be more than just a punchline for late night comedians.   After two years of one toxic headline after another his problems go beyond a trip to Oprah Winfrey’s couch confessional.  But even if  his presidential aspirations are about as appealing as cold pizza, if he does decide to go for it again,  Tiger Woods would be a perfect running mate for Edwards   At least they’d have fun swapping whore—errr…war stories.  

A possible slogan for the "Edwards in 2012" campaign.

How Obama Tried to Get His Groove Back.

"Hi, how ya doin'? Hope you liked the show...Hi, how ya doin?..."

There was a different vibe in the room as the family gathered to watch President Obama deliver his first State of the Union to a joint session of Congress.   Last year’s excitement had been replaced by a quiet anticipation as Obama and the Democrats had gone through numerous setbacks and false starts in trying to push a progressive agenda through a surprisingly resistant Republican front.  

In 2009, Obama was the candidate of change and hope who looked to be at the peak of his political power.  What a differene a year makes.  Now his hair was noticeably grayer and he looked like a man who had found out governing is a helluva trickier deal than campaigning.

I sat there kind of bored for the first half-hour when he went down the grocery list of items that he wants but probably won’t get.

By the time he finished my wife was pumping her fist and remembering why she voted Obama in the first place. I was a bit more serene, but still glad that he showed some fire, dinged both parties and took some of the weight on his own shoulders. I liked the sub-title of an article at SLATE that went, Obama reminds his own party to keep its head and the other party to stop losing its mind.

But I don’t think he moved the goalposts.

Democrats are tired of Obama extending a carrot to the Republicans only to get the dirty end of the stick in return. They want him to fight back and hammer the GOP for their refusal to get on board of…oh, pretty much anything the President wants to do.

The Republicans feel like as long as they say, “Not just no, but HELL NO” to the President,” and they don’t suffer any blowback politically from the voters, why negotiate with Obama now? Wait until November when there’s more Republicans in Congress than Democrats, and Obama will have to cut deals with the GOP more to their liking. It’s the smart move politically as long as the voters don’t punish them for refusing to come to the table.

It’s a sorry way to treat the electorate that needs help, not partisan games, but that’s the way it go when political calculation supplants good governance.

"Can a brutha get a 'Boomshakalaka?' "

I did like when Obama reminded his fellow Democrats they still had the largest majority either party has enjoyed in decades (now do something with it!) and chided Senate Republicans for demanding  60 votes to pass virtually anything while refusing to fully particpate in any actual legislating.   It was  extra sweet when Obama publicly slammed the Supreme Court for overturning years of laws to allow corporations and labor unions to spend freely in political campaigns.  That was too much for Samuel Alito who was caught mumbling “Not true” when the President spoke. 

What isn’t true, Sam?  That you and the four other conservatives on the Court handed the Republicans a gift  in time for the fall elections?

But this was Obama’s best line of the night.

I campaigned on the promise of change – change we can believe in, the slogan went. And right now, I know there are many Americans who aren’t sure if they still believe we can change – or at least, that I can deliver it.

But remember this – I never suggested that change would be easy, or that I can do it alone. Democracy in a nation of three hundred million people can be noisy and messy and complicated. And when you try to do big things and make big changes, it stirs passions and controversy. That’s just how it is.

Those of us in public office can respond to this reality by playing it safe and avoid telling hard truths. We can do what’s necessary to keep our poll numbers high, and get through the next election instead of doing what’s best for the next generation.

But I also know this: if people had made that decision fifty years ago or one hundred years ago or two hundred years ago, we wouldn’t be here tonight. The only reason we are is because generations of Americans were unafraid to do what was hard; to do what was needed even when success was uncertain; to do what it took to keep the dream of this nation alive for their children and grandchildren.

When you try to do things a little different than how it’s been done before and you try things that haven’t been tried before there’s going to be resistance and pushback and those who aren’t going to get on board no matter what.

Obama will get a small boost in the polls, but the waters this winter in Washington  are still as chilly as ever.

"Better watch your back, Barack. Clarence is smiling way too much."

Stupid White Man of the Week: Paul Shirley. (WHO?)

Here's an extremely rare photo of Paul "Splinters" Shirley not sitting on the bench.

With a total of 33 points scored over a 18 game NBA “career”, Paul Shirley never did diddly-squat on the court worth mentioning.   The only reason to notice him now is because saying something dumb got him the attention that sitting at the end of the bench guarding the Gatorade never did.

While the rest of the world looks to do the right thing and help those in need there’s always one in every crowd whose contribution is demonstrate there’s no situation where selfishness and stupidity can’t be interjected.

In this case it’s Paul Shirley.  Insert one big “WHO?” here.

Paul Shirley, a  former NBA player whose greatest accomplishment prior to popping off about Haiti was being the tall stiff and 12th man holding down the end ofthe benches of the three teams he briefly “played” for.   Shirley took time out from picking splinters out of his backside to pen a long, boring and badly in need of editing essay about the world’s response to the earthquake in Haiti for

I haven’t donated a cent to the Haitian relief effort. And I probably will not.

I haven’t donated to the Haitian relief effort for the same reason that I don’t give money to homeless men on the street. Based on past experiences, I don’t think the guy with the sign that reads “Need You’re Help” is going to do anything constructive with the dollar I might give him. If I use history as my guide, I don’t think the people of Haiti will do much with my money either.

Shirley addresses a “letter” to the Haitians.

Dear Haitians –

First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.

As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?


The Rest of the World

The appropriate response to such craven stupidity should be who the fuck is Paul Shirley and why should anyone care about what he says about anything?

There's no crying in basketball, but Shirley isn't much of a basketball player.

Here’s the important numbers about Paul “Splinters” Shirley:  played in 18 games  in the NBA for a total of 121 minutes over three seasons for three teams and scored 33 (count ’em) points.  He’s bounced around to no less than 13 basketball teams in the NBA, to the Yakima Sun Kings to Greece, Russia and China.  Which just proves that as long as you’re tall (6’10”) you’ll get a shot even if you got no game.

If you’ve never heard of or it’s writers, don’t feel bad.  Neither has anybody else.   Subjects like “Glouchester Cheese Rolling: A Dying Breed of Fun” and “What the Fudge: The Burrito Line” aren’t the kind of  underrated literary masterworks that bring editors from Esquire, GQ and Vanity Fair running.   It’s  just the kind of self-indulgent bullshit that proliferates on these type of blogging collectives across the Internet.

Having no skills beyond being White and tall, Shirley garnered more notoriety by writing for about his journeys around the world playing basketball badly for numerous teams.   ESPN fired him for his “put on a condom” remarks.   Seems they didn’t dig what he had to say.

Paul Shirley is the personification of a non-entity.  Plus, he’s got the last name of a girl.  But at least Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson can say “Thanks, Paul” for taking some of the heat off of them as Stupid White Men saying incredibly dumb stuff about something they know nothing about.  A week from now when this all blows over Shirley can return to the obscurity he’s worked for, he’s earned and nobody can take away from him.

Then once again the response to anything Paul Shirley say will be, “Who?”

The Unhappy Ending.

"Argh! Urgh! Oh, the agony! Gimme a bullet to bite on..."

As storylines go, the Favre fairy tale has been great for the NFL as his iconic stature elevates him far above any other player.  He  holds enough records to swagger right into the Hall of Fame as soon as he’s eligible.  IF he ever retires.

The problem is the ending Favre seems to have envisioned for himself:  Another Super Bowl victory with him being raised upon the shoulders of his teammates in triumph and  his legacy as the greatest quarterback ever to play in the game  established beyond doubt keeps getting interrupted by his own awful playoff performances.

Whether or not he comes back again, can we finally face the undisputed truth that Brett Favre is the most overrated and overhyped professional athlete in the history of sports?   When the game is biggest, Favre plays small.   When it matters most, Favre saves his worst for last.

You can’t take away from Favre the great regular season he had in a Vikings uniform.    After one lousy year with the New York Jets, Favre unretired and rebounded in fine style throwing 33 touchdowns against only seven interceptions during the regular season.

Which is great if you had Favre in your fantasy football pool.  After slicing and dicing the Dallas Cowgirls for four TDs  in the second round of the playoffs, Roger Goodell was fantasizing of a Favre vs. Manning match-up pitting the Jedi Master against the younger upstart making a strong bid to prove he, not Favre, is the One.   Alas, this scenario was vaporized by Favre’s reckless ramblin’ gamblin’ ways.   This all has to look very familiar to jilted Packer fans.

Favre’s  shabby 3-8 playoff record over the last decade what makes Favre only a very good quarterback instead of one of the all time greatest.

Here’s a guy who is a choke artist but benefited from a greater  hype-to-production ration than any other professional athlete living.  After 19 seasons he still has as many Super Bowl wins as Trent Dlifer, Brad Johnson and Jeff Hostettler: ONE.   Favre owns a ton of records from his years of hanging around the league (The Vikings being his fourth team) but so what it he’s thrown for more touchdowns than anyone else.  He’s also thrown more interceptions than anyone else and usually in the biggest games.

Favre’s last three playoff games have all ended exactly the same way: Eagles: interception. Giants: interception. Saints: interception. See a trend here?   His only Super Bowl win came 13 years ago.  You would think someone so great wouldn’t take so long to get another one.

Already the apologists are blaming Vikings coach Brad Childress for a 12-men on the field penalty following a time-out and superstar running back Adrian Peterson fumbling on the 4-yard line in the first quarter.  Both were dumb mistakes, but Favre’s was the killer.

Any kid who hopes to play on Sundays for big cash,  learns early never to throw the ball across your body and late over the middle.   Not in pee-wee football.   Not in high school.  Not in college.   Not in the NFL.   Not ever.

Yet there’s Favre, almost two decades in the league with the same piss-poor mechanics and throwing some of the worst interceptions ever seen at critical moments.

"Should I stay or should I go? Should I go or should I stay? Decisions...decisions."

Favre is good enough to get a team close enough to see the mountaintop, but not good enough to actually scale it.

In 2008, ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio was one of the rare sportswriters to say the emperor wore no clothes and blasted holes in the myth of Favre as  football messiah saying, “…no matter how many dumb passes he threw and how many playoff games he lost, Favre remains immune to criticism.”

Indeed, a decade after his last moments of glory, the football hype machine continues to paint Favre as a hallowed icon of Americana, a symbol of all that is right with sports, a Wild West gun-slinging good ol’ boy. There’s Brett on the farm! There’s Brett with his family! There’s Brett on the cover of Sports Illustrated! There’s Brett throwing another overtime interception!

Favre was among the best in the game, once upon a time. Those days are long gone. Only the idolatry remains.

There’s no buyer’s remorse by the Vikings on the decision to sign Favre.  It was the smart move.   He made them interesting and except for one brain-dead throw, stood on the verge of taking the team all the way to the Super Bowl.

It was a great run.  A compelling storyline.  Favre was getting beaten up by the Saints pass rush.  He dragged himself off the field and dragged himself back on the field limping and grimacing in pain.  Gritty Brett will not let his team down.  Hollywood couldn’t have written a better, if somewhat corny, script.

But Brett screwed the pooch and blew it all.  That’s Brett being Brett.   That’s what he does.

The Continuing Craziness of KFClarence.

Kentucky Fried Clarence

Kentucky Fried Clarence: Call us for all your House Negro needs.

There was in days gone by a time when I would toss around the insult of calling another Black man a “Uncle Tom”  with little regard and less restraint.   With age comes maturity (or so it is rumored) and now I no longer  casually fling that pejorative around.   Today, I pull the Uncle Tom card  for only the most egregious and malicious examples of Uncle Tomming, crawfishing, tap-dancin’, skinnin’ and grinnin,’ wannabee, sellout chicken stealing, biscuit eatin’  House Negroes.

For over two decades, this particular monument to mediocrity has made it his life’s mission to  turn the clock back to a day happy darkies toling in the sun singing Negro spirituals as Mr. Charlie and Miss Ann sit on the veranda sipping mint juleps and watching with approval as the woolly-headed golliwogs sweat for their enrichment and entertainment.

I refer of course to one Clarence Thomas, Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court or Kentucky Fried Clarence as I like to call him.

KFC Thomas is a lifetime member of ” House Negroes R Us” and membership has its privileges.   Not the least of which is how KFC Thomas comfortable feels in staking out his own ideological turf no matter how out of the mainstream of judicial thought it might be.

In his remarkably undistinguished 20-year stint as a Supreme Court justice, Clarence Thomas has rarely called attention to himself for original jurisprudential thinking. But if Thomas had had his way with Citizens United v. the Federal Election Commission, in which the court decided this week to remove critically important limits on campaign financing, an already horrible decision would have been made far, far worse. Crazy worse.

Thomas went along with the majority in agreeing that corporations and unions can once more be permitted to spend freely on political issues, thus driving a stake through the heart of the democratic process in the United States. But he dissented in part, because he didn’t think the ruling went far enough. Specifically, he argued that the court was wrong to continue requiring that the sponsors of political advertising disclose who paid for them.

That’s right. Thomas came out against the principle of transparency, and for the right of corporations to spend millions of dollars to influence public policy without having to tell anyone what they were up to. It’s hard to imagine a less democratic stance.


This should be called The Pinocchio Decision because what we have here are five conservative Justices breathing life into corporations and giving them the rights of real human beings.

If there’s anything good about allowing an Exxon, Citibank or Glasco SmithKline to pour millions of dollars into political campaigns to help their preferred candidates and defeat the ones they oppose, I’d like to know what it could be. All the Roberts Court has done is allow corporations to be even more blatant in the buying of politicians.

So McCain-Feingold was a boon to incumbents everywhere? This decision will be a boon to Republican incumbents (and challengers) and that was precisely its intent.   This may be the worst decision the Roberts Court has handed down as it once again proves it never met a corporation it didn’t feel sorry for.

KFC Thomas. George H.W. Bush’s affirmative action hire and worst joke on America continues his reign of terror.  The man who both plunges new lows in ethnic self-hatred while dreaming up  brand new ways to give Black people the finger, thinks corporations should be able to spend however much money they want to influence the public and advocate for policies and politicians of their liking and no one has the right to know they’re doing it.

There’s conservatives like John Roberts, Sam Altio and Fat Tony Scalia and then there’s buckwild crazy and that’s where you find KFC Thomas.    Out-righting the right-wing of the Supreme Court.

On the weekends, Clarence likes to pick up a few bucks renting himself as the Negro friend of White nerds.

A Quick Lesson in Leadership.

Mr. President, I know you’re from Chicago and you aren’t exactly an amateur at this, but by any standard, you and your pals in the Democratic Party got served by the Republicans this week.

Now some people are saying you need a Jimmy Malone from The Untouchables to ask, “What are you prepared to DO?”

I think you need a visit from Alec Baldwin.   And some brass balls wouldn’t hurt either.

Wherever you get your inspiration from, you need to get it together.  Like right now.   You can sit around scratching where you don’t itch and asking “What happened?”  or you can get mad and get motivated and get back to work.  The need for reform is still there.  That hasn’t changed even if the math in the Senate has.

So what?  Crying time is over.  The other side smells blood.  Time to remind them what you came to Washington to do.  Bring about change we can believe in.

Let’s get to it.

Game Changed.

The President likes teachable moments. He just got schooled.

If I were Spike Lee, I’d be telling President Obama and the Democrats to WAKE UP!!!! The alarm clock went off in Massachusetts  and it brought glad tidings and good news for the Republicans.   For the Democrats?   Not so much.

All politics may be local, so the saying goes, but the impact of Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat switching to the Republicans has far-reaching consequences for the nation as a whole.   The president  likes to seize upon “teachable moments?”  This is one of them.

There’s no way to sugarcoat this one.  Maybe President Obama and the Democrats could write off the ominous results of the governor’s office in New Jersey and Virginia as a case of as an unpopular incumbent losing and a formidable G.O.P. challenger winning.   This is nothing but a nasty beatdown.   It’s one thing to lose what was considered a safe Democratic seat.   It’s quite another when the race boils down to a single volatile issue: healthcare reform, and the guy that wins is the one who promises to kill it.

You won’t be able to turn on a radio or television without being blasted by hot air from politicians, pundits and experts as to what happened in Massachusetts and what happens next, both to the chances of  health care reform in Congress, the president’s agenda, and the Democratic Party as a whole when November comes around.

The Democrats should make a hard turn to the Left and galvanize their disillusioned base.    President Obama has not done enough to bring moderate Republicans on board and keep independents.   Martha Coakley ran a lazy and ineffectual campaign and before she looked up, Brown had  seized the momentum.  This vote is a referendum on Obama’s big spending ways and the country’s distrust of nationalized health care.  The GOP is back, baby!   If a Republican can win Massachusetts, they can win anywhere.  Look out Democrats, you are going down and going down hard next November.

Let the blame game begin. The Democrats should take exactly ONE day to point fingers and fight among themselves. Then, they’d better figure out if they what they need to do to get healthcare reform through or there will be a lot more Scott Browns taking their place in November.

Is Brown a one-shot deal or a harbinger of things to come?

Republicans, whom at this time last year looked beaten down and politically impotent, can and should bask in the glory of breaking the stranglehold Democrats had on a Senate seat since 1952.   The day after Brown’s victory the storyline becomes one of dispirited Democrats and revitalized Republicans.   You’ll hear it repeated until your ears bleed.

The Republicans have established themselves as the “Party of No” and the tactic to “give them nothing but hell”  has only been strengthened by Brown’s impending arrival as the man who ended Harry Reid’s supermajority. The danger for the GOP is overreach.  There is a difference between opposing health care reform on principle and blatant obstructionism.    This is illustrated by the fact that in the first year of the Bush Administration 70 appointees to diplomatic and federal positions awaited confirmation.  Contrast that to the 177 appointees submitted to the Senate by the Obama Administration have yet to be confirmed and most have been blocked by Republicans placing a “hold” on the nominees that can only be broken by a 60 vote supermajority.

The Republicans have proven skillful in frustrating the will of the majority by the tyranny of the minority.

There will be no bipartisan outreach from either side 11 months out from the next election.   Republicans have shown no inclination to work with  Obama on any major issue and Democrats have polarized and hardened the GOP opposition with Harry Reid’s ineffectiveness and Nancy Pelosi  one-party rule in the House.   And the Democrats shouldn’t play games trying to delay seating Brown.  Barring any voting irregularities,  Brown should join the Republican minority in the Senate

Point of fact:  Obama is still the president and Democrats still control the Senate and House.   They can remind the GOP of this by passing the Senate’s healthcare  bill in the House as is without reconciliation and avoiding any possible filibuster.  This will provoke howls from Republicans and the right-wing noise machine of Fox, talk radio and the blogosphere, but their bitching is nothing compared to what Democrats will face if they do nothing and allow reform to wither and die.    If the Senate is a lost cause, the House of Representatives where Pelosi is dealing with a stronger hand can still save health care as Jonathan Cohn”s open letter to Democrats explains.

Oh, and President Obama?   The honeymoon is officially over.  In case you haven’t figured it out yet,  while the American people may like you personally and think you’re a smart guy, they don’t like their job situation and feel really nervous and uncertain about the economy and the direction the country is going.    It’s time to prove you’re a smart guy and focus that intellect on what it takes to get people working again.   I have two family members who have been looking for work for months and can’t find any.   I know I get nervous myself each time when I swipe my I.D. card at work  and wonder will the door lock flash green to let me in or stay red to keep me out?

Your reality has just been checked.

The president should be concerned that if he doesn’t demonstrate his leadership and political talents, he’ll look up in January 2011 and find a lot fewer Democrats around him and a lot more Republicans instead.   Blame it on the crappy economy, but he can’t blame in on George Bush anymore.   Blame in on the Tea Party protests but there’s no denying that there’s an anti-incumbent mood out there and it favors Republicans.

Succumbing to panic and recrimination won’t help Obama and the Democrats.  Remembering they were elected to bring about genuine and systemic change to the nation will.   It wasn’t to cut deals with pharmaceutical and insurance companies and water down health care reform until all that remained was a soggy mess of the original idea.     The people watched the Democrats dithering and got turned off by it.

Obama and the Dems can weather this storm and counter the Republican surge with one of their own.  It might not be enough to entirely blunt the Republican chances in November, but if they can  and should remind Americans how lousy the nation’s state of affairs were under GOP rule and start right now in winning back the disaffected and disappointed voters that gave them a shot in 2008,

It’s not too late to get this thing back on the move.   But as the leader of his party Obama has to point them in the right direction.

Hey Mike, The Name Is “King,” Not “Coon.”

Mike and Mike: One played sports. The other knows nothing about sports.

On the day the nation honors Martin Luther King, Jr., ESPN radio’s Mike Greenberg “slips” and calls him “Martin Luther Coon.” Greenberg later apologized in a written statement, but NOT on the radio yet.

From the ESPN website:

I just came home from the Knicks game and found out about the mess that was created by my garbling a sentence on our show this morning;  I apologize for not addressing it sooner.

And I’m sorry that my talking too fast – and slurring my words – might have given people who don’t know our show the wrong impression about us, and about me.

I feel horrible about that, because nothing could be further away from who I am and what our show is about.

I would never say anything like that, not in public, or in private, or in the silence of my own mind, and neither would anyone associated with our show, and I’m very sorry that my stumble this morning gave so many people the opposite impression.

Your wife is absolutely right.

As apologies go, that’s a pretty weak one.  It doesn’t even set the record straight as to what Greenberg was trying to say.   In fact, it’s not even an “apology.”  It’s a “clarification.”

Clarify what?  The man said, “Martin Luther Coon.”  He said it.  What is there to clarify?   Apologize?    That he should do.  Publicly.  On the radio and/or television.   Either that or he should be given a few days off via a suspension.

I’m trying to give Greenberg the benefit of the doubt.  Anyone can misspeak, but that’s a particularly puzzling remark.  “Coon?”  How do you mangle “King” into “Coon.”  It’s not as if they sound even remotely alike.

Greenberg is an annoying little know-it-all, but I’ve  never confused the “Mike & Mike” show with Howard Stern and Don Imus.  Still,  just dismissing Greenberg’s butchering of King’s name as just his mouth outracing his brain cuts him too much slack.   I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt but that doesn’t mean he should get a total pass for his stupidity.

So I dropped ESPN ombudsman Don Ohlmeyer a line asking for Greenberg to apologize on the radio or on television for his racially insensitive remarks.   I was polite, but I made it clear I thought Greenberg had some forced vacation days coming to him.

I don’t expect anything to come from my petty little protest, but if it does, I won’t be terribly upset.