Sucking at the Super Bowl

Even Will I. Am can't face Fergie's caterwauling.

Another football season in the books.   Another Super Bowl where the football itself was secondary to the bloated, overkill of the hype  and secondary sideshows that are standard for the game.

Was it just me, or did the Super Bowl commercials fall into the categories of being crude, stupid, unfunny, dull and just plain BAD?   If I never ever see the Doritos commercial where the weird White guy licks the Doritos dust off the fingers of one appalled looking Black guy, I can die happy.   The only thing worse than the disgusting (Joan Rivers in a bikini–I’m BLIND!)  were the Black Eyed Peas. Maybe if Fergie had a wardrobe malfunction and her penis flopped out it wouldn’t have been so boring. And Will I. Am with your “secret” message to the president? No, you can’t.

Maybe the Peas weren’t the worst halftime show in Super Bowl history, but it’s hard to remember who was worse.   Even Janet Jackson’s right tit said the Peas sucked hard.

Outside of the studio where you can fix it in the mix, the Peas were exposed as the overexposed, Auto Tuned talentless posers they are.  The Who is probably calling the NFL offices and saying, “Miss us, yet?”

Sound system or not, you can’t paint over rust.

Christina, this is the Super Bowl. This ain't "American Idol."

Regarding Christina Aguilera mangling and shredding  the National Anthem, it brings to mind something I’ve always wondered.  They don’t sing the National Anthem before the State of the Union address but they do before a sporting event.  Does that make any sense?

Here’s some unsolicited advice to Christina.  Michael Wilbon said the only person who had any business adding their own flava to the National Anthem was Marvin Gaye. Everybody else should just sing the song straight.

It wouldn’t be a proper Super Bowl without a little controversy and since 400 poor bastards being told buying a ticket doesn’t guarantee them a seat in the Jerry Jones Pleasuredome isn’t controversial enough, it fell to Pepsi to create a stir with Black women in how they were represented in one commercial.

I wasn’t as offended as the sistas were by the commercial. I thought it was just another stupid “evil Black woman vs. the emasculated Black man” commercial, but upon further reflection, I can see why they would be a bit ticked off.

Add it to the reasons I don’t drink Pepsi brown sugar-water.

I’m not moved by commercials with talking babies, monkeys driving cars, multiple swift kicks to the nuts, or dogs serving Budweiser.   The only commercial I thought was worth recalling was the Chrysler 200 defense of Detroit featuring a cameo by Eminem.

I’ve never been to Detroit, but I had to go through Detroit to get somewhere else and that was unpleasant enough.   Everything I know about the Motor City comes second-hand and through the filter of somebody else.   No city in the U.S. takes more abuse than Detroit, so it was refreshing to see Chrysler and Eminem taking two minutes during the most-watched event of the year to talk up their hometown.   I imagine the Detroit Chamber of Commerce was quite pleased.

As far as the game itself goes, I didn’t have a rooting interest one way or the other.   So the Steelers have to wait on that seventh ring.   Cry me a river.   As a 49ers fan it hurt more to see Aaron Rodgers lead the Packers to a Super Bowl ring while the team that should have taken him instead of a bust like Alex Smith makes plans on whom to pick with their high draft pick.

Good game, not a great one.  The supposed “Steel Curtain” of the Steelers defense looked more soggy toilet tissue as Rodgers ripped them through the air.   He had to as the rushing game only racked up 50 yards on the ground.    Then again, in today’s pass-happy NFL, who needs a great running game anyway?   Not the Packers.

Ultimately, the 45th installment of the Super Bowl will be remembered for its many dubious achievements.  The Black Eyes Peas will never get anywhere near the Super Bowl without paying for a ticket.  Christina Aguliera won’t publicly embarrass herself again in the future by flubbing the National Anthem by  going for the overly dramatic vocal pyrotechnics.  You’re a professional, honey.  Learn the words before you sing the song. As for those  millions of dollars worth of utterly unmemorable commercials,  never have so many spent so much to entertain so few.

Now every football fans sits back and crosses their fingers there will be a NFL season this fall and if there is one it’s not the Green Bay Scabs vs. the Pittsburgh Strike Breakers in Super Bowl 46.

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