What If They Played A Super Bowl and Nobody Cared?

Super Bowl Roman numeral what the hell ever.

Hey hey, hey! It’s Super Bowl Sunday!  The national holiday where you can eat too much, drink too much, hang out with friends, family and total strangers and overindulge while you settle back to watch what is billed as the greatest game of they year and more times than not turns out to be a pretty boring football games featuring the favorite teams of somebody else.

Two weeks ago, I suffered through my 49ers literally fumbling away their opportunity to punch their ticket to Indianapolis and win the right to square off against Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots.   Alas, Kyle “Butterfingers and Bad Knees” Williams literally couldn’t get out of his own way so the Niners are home and it’s the more lucky-than-good New York Giants would will square off against Captain America and the Mad Genius.

If I was a gracious loser and a good sport, I would say I wish both the Patriots and the Giants all the best and that they play a good, clean game, have fun, and may the better team emerge victorious.

Like HELL!

I would say that if I were a gracious loser and a good sport, but since I hate losing and I’m a bad sport, I will say I don’t give a rat’s ass which one of these teams wins or loses and I’m more interested in the commercial and whether Madonna will have a “wardrobe malfunction” and flash a 53-year-old boob during the halftime show.

The Material Mommy limbers up for The Big Game.

The horror…the horror…

Okay. That’s not true. Nobody wants to see the Material Mommy’s mammaries. However, I am more interested in the commercials than I give a rat’s ass about who wins the game.

If my Niners can’t win, I’m hoping the game ends in a 0-0 tie.  That would be fun.  It’s sort of liberating to have no rooting interest and not have to care who wins or loses.   As far as I’m concerned, I’m more interested in collecting my fantasy football winnings than I am what terrible medley of songs Madonna wheezes through or how Brady and Eli Manning are playing.

It’s not that I’m a sore loser as much as i am a disinterested spectator.   I’ll be at a buddy’s crib with a bunch of the fellas drinking a few beers, eating more chips and chicken wings than I should and hoping against hope the game isn’t breathtakingly boring and the commercials aren’t as forgettable as all the commercials from last year I’ve forgotten about now.

I might even watch some of the halftime if for no other reason than to watch Madonna power lift a few of her dancers or rip a football in half or something.

Just be ready to hustle granny and the kids out of the room if Justin Timberlake shows up.

Having a miserable time. Glad you're not here.

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