There can be only one.

Who will be the lord of the ring?

I grew up loving the Philadelphia 76ers and despising the Boston Celtics, so despite not being a Lebron James fan, it’s always sweet to see the Celtics choke like dogs and don’t let anybody tell you differently: The Celtics choked up a big-ass hairball.   Before they got to the Miami Heat, the Celtics squeaked and creaked by a scrappy, but not all that talented Sixers team.   The low moment was when Kevin Garnett went up for an uncontested slam only to find he couldn’t get up to slam.

How embarrassing.   Showing their age that way should have been a warning sign that the Celtics were ripe to be plucked.  Actually, they were overripe, but after winning the first two games, the Heat fumbled and bumbled away the next three with a particularly awful showing in Game Five where they look listless, confused and were getting absolutely killed on ESPN and by every sportswriter across America.

Then came Game Six where Lebron put on his Superman suit, told the rest of team, “I got this” and went off on the Brothers from Beantown scoring 45 points, grabbing 15 boards and dishing five dimes as he pulled off a playoff performance not Michael Jordan, not Larry Bird, not Kobe Bryant, not anyone had pulled off since Wilt Chamberlain.

The Heat vs. the Thunder is a better match-up for the NBA than the Celtics making one last run (again) for the Big Three.  That storyline is tired, played out and with Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen both free agents, finally ready to be retired once and for all.  Someone might have hoped for a last clash between Garnett and Tim Duncan, the Batman to his Joker, but not me.  The Spurs are a class act, but is likewise made up of AARP members.

Grace Slick gave up playing with the Jefferson Airplane because she said she hated seeing old people on stage.  I hate seeing them wheezing up and down a basketball court.  Any way all the old men of Boston are officially on summer vacation.  See ya, suckers!

James vs. Kevin Durant is a match-up I want to see.  They play the same position which means they will be going mano a mano most of the time.  Durant is a mama’s boy meterosexual whose “cool nerd” fashion sense arrived in last year’s playoffs when he showed up at the post game interviews wearing a damn backpack.  Now it’s bow ties, big plastic eyeglass frames with no lenses and shirts whose designer name are Garanimals and Oshkosh By Gosh.

James has worn the label of Best Player In the Game Who’s Never Won Anything for years now. Part of me is pulling for him to finally get his ring, but a bigger part of me hopes it’s not this year.   It could be a television series: Everybody Hates Lebron vs. Everybody Loves Kevin.

Lebron is a mama’s boy too, but he’s dialed in this year into winning a championship.  Every year that goes by without a ring he looks less like Jordan and Kobe and more like Barkley and Karl Malone: just great player who was never a big winner.

No country (or playoffs) for these old men.

One more thing about the Heat and Thunder series that must be said.  As much as Boston had to hate having their Big Three bounced out and likely broken up by Miami, Cleveland had to hate it even more because they hate Lebron.  Oklahoma City loves their very own and only professional sports franchise, but they should remember, they stole it from Seattle.

If there are televisions in Cleveland and Seattle tuned in to the series at all, it will be because they’re rooting for both teams to lose.

The Celtics almost succeeded in solidifying King James’ rep as the Biggest Choke Artist in Sports, but he would not be denied and willed his team to victory.   When he took his talents to South Beach, it appeared he was there to help Dwayne Wade win his second ring, not Wade helping him wear his first.    It was the much maligned and overlooked Chris Bosh who was the second-most important player on the Heat.  Wade played well sometimes, terrible occasionally and damn near disappeared the rest of the time.

Somebody’s going to have to defend Russell Westbrook who’s even faster than Rajon Rondo who almost outplayed the entire Heat team,   Wade will have to play much better for the Heat to win the series.  Bosh should be ready to go and present major match-up problems for the Thunder big men.

As for emerges the winner, I don’t know or care.  I follow the A-B-C rule.  Anybody But the Celtics.

King James versus the Heir Apparent. Let’s go!

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