Herman Cain: Shut Up, Fool!

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman…oh wait…yes, I did. And I’d like to again.”

It would be easy to give Mitt Romney the Shut Up, Fool! award for a second consecutive week.  Hell, after his “47 percent” remarks he’s made a strong bid for Lifetime Achievement status, but that was the Real Romney we heard sneering about the flotsam and jetsam of the country.   This was a country club,  wealthy, White Republican male bitching to other country club, wealthy White Republican males in his natural habitat.

Mitt didn’t misspeak.  He said what he meant and personally I found his momentary lapse of candor refreshing.  I don’t want him to stop now.  I want him to keep this up right up to Election Day.   There’s always another fool willing to step up and oh look, here’s a fool we haven’t heard from in a while.

When last we heard from Herman Cain  he was suspending his presidential campaign over allegations of sexual harassment were levied against him by several women, all White, emerged and another woman, also White, came forth detailing a long-term affair (ew!) with the former pizza CEO.

Cain quickly dropped out of sight and wasn’t asked to speak at the Republican National Convention, but he emerged from whatever rock he had been under to make several silly statements including if he hadn’t torched his own campaign with his inability to keep his sausage  in his pants, he would be beating President Obama in the polls.

“Stupid people are ruining America, and we’ve got to take it back,” he said at an appearance before 300 people at the University of Florida before he serenaded them with a rendition of “Believe In Yourself” from The Wiz.

Cain ended his political campaign amid allegations of multiple affairs and sexual harassment. But he said he would have a “substantial lead” over Obama if he had won the GOP nomination.

“The reason is quite simple: I have some depth to my ideas,” he said.

Depth to his ideas?   The only depth Cain cares about is the depth of a woman’s cleavage when he’s checking her out.

The only thing Cain brought to the Republican presidential primary was a total lack of qualifications and a lust for White women.   He said he would have no interest in serving in a Romney Administration.   Good thing.  There’s already servers, janitors and cooks working at the White House.   They don’t need Cain’s coonin’ ass making goo-goo eyes at Ann Romney.

If only Cain were the Republican nominee.   Obama would be up by 20 points and Republicans would be committing ritual suicide in mass numbers.   This election would already be over.  Alas, due to the Herminator fiendin’ for the White stuff we were denied the spectacle of Black-on-Black crime as Obama publicly kicked Cain’s ass in three televised debate/bitch slaps.

It was a missed opportunity for the American electorate but it’s good enough for a Shut Up, Fool! award.

She: “Herman, please! Not in public!”
He: “Michelle, don’t act like you don’t love my hat”

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