Bynum Busts Out

The star of “Space Jam” is tanned, rested and ready!

I have a long post I’m working on in observance of the ten year anniversary of the Iraq War and it’s not finished yet,  but I wanted to briefly follow up on  Mr. Andrew Bynum, the Greatest Center Never to Play for the Philadelphia 76ers following the news he will undergo season-ending surgery on is chronically crappy knees.

Philadelphia now has to decide if it will offer the former All-Star center any kind of long-term deal without him ever playing a second for the franchise.

Bynum’s season is officially over, and he’s set for season-ending arthroscopic surgery on both knees Tuesday. He has not played this season because of bone bruises in both of his knees. The 25-year-old is an unrestricted free agent and may never play a game for the Sixers.

Bynum last talked to the media on March 1 and said he would not play in pain or be pressured into playing and risking a potential nine-figure payday.

“I think being healthy is more important than everything else,” Bynum said. “If I am healthy, I’ll get a deal. I have to be able to play and I need to get to the point with my body where I’m able to play, however long that takes.”

“Huh?”

The Sixers can offer Bynum more years and more money than any other team.

They would be damn fools to do so.  Which means they probably will.

I do not care that Andrew Bynum‘s season is over.  What season?  This stiff never played a single solidarity second as a Philadelphia 76er.    I visited the official website of Andrew Bynum at andrewbynum.com.  The site is a big piece of crap like the lazy bastard its named for.  Want to read Andrew’s blog?  “There are currently no blog entries.  Check back soon.”   Yeah, I’ll be sure to do that.  Want to get up to date on Andrew Bynum news?  The last entry is dated December 11,, 2011.   Under the category of “Gameday” there’s a drop-down menu including “Breakfast With Bynum.”  Oh boy!  That sounds exciting.

There are no entries under “Breakfast With Bynum.”  But they are coming soon!

There are  a few small pics of Bynum rocking the gear of his ex-team, the Los Angeles Lakers.   There isn’t a single picture of Bynum in his Sixers colors, which makes sense considering he never played for the Sixers and possibly never will.

Here is a list of NBA 2013-14 free agents.   Find a center and pick one.   Anyone you choose—ANYONE–would be a better player for the 76ers than Andrew Bynum.

I would rather see  J.J. Hickson, Chris Kaman, Tiago Splitter or Al Jefferson rocking the Sixers colors than Andrew Bynum.

I would rather see former Sixers Samuel Dalembert, Marreese Speights, or Elton Brand COME BACK rocking the Sixers colors than Andrew Bynum.

I would rather see Zaza Pachulla, Johan Petro, Andray Blatche, or Ryan Hollins rocking the Sixers colors than Andrew Bynum.

“Hi, I’m Primoz. I got mad skills.”

I would rather see Isaac Austin, Primoz Brezec, Calvin Booth, Zendon Hamilton,  Manute Bol, Sharone Wright or Tony Massenburg rocking the Sixers colors than Andrew Bynum.

I would rather see Mark McNamara, Jeff Ruland, Todd McCullough, Matt Geiger, Efthimios Rentzias, Christian Welp  or Shawn Freakin’ Bradley rocking the Sixers colors than Andrew Bynum.

I would rather see Dwight How….naaaaaaah….can’t do it.

I do not care where Andrew Bynum plays.  He can play in the NBA, the WNBA, the NCAA or NASCAR.  Who cares?

Just don’t pay this zombie a max contract to turn in a performance worthy of Ron Jeremy.

Cut your losses.  Turn the page.  Lose his phone number.   Let someone else play the fool.   Let somebody else be the sucker that gives this occasionally brilliant, but mostly lazy, unmotivated, disinterested, $16 million dollar slacker to loaf, groan he’s in pain and cash his monstrous paychecks.

Do the Sixers need a reminder what the definition of insanity is?    They tried to make a big move and it blew up in their faces.    The Bynum experiment was a complete and total failure.    Thankfully, they had insurance to cover their losses with Bynum, but having avoided a crippling financial blow, do they now want to turn around and stand on the firing line again with this dude?

Goodbye and good riddance Andrew Bynum.  Now the trade of Moses Malone is only the second-worst trade in 76ers history.

“Sure, I suck. But I don’t suck as much as Andy Bynum.”

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