Jackasses and Fame Whores

Doorknob and Doofus

Doorknob and Doofus

A few years ago affter Kanye West pulled his “Hey look at me!” stunt at the MTV Video Awards and showed up Taylor Swift no less than the President joined in the chorus of disapproval and called West, “a jackass.”

Kanye has worked very hard since to justify that put down.

The other day he said in an interview his bleached blonde bobblehead swerlie, Kim Kardashian was “more influential than Michelle Obama” and that Barack’s bunkmate, “cannot Instagram a pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day,”

Kanye puts down Michelle Obama for not putting up pics of her sticking her butt in the camera like Kim.   Let that thought sink in for a moment.  Then laugh at the utter absurdity of a silly Negro like Kanye who actually thinks The First Lady of the United States has less going on that a brain-dead bimbo whose only claim to fame is screwing horny idiots with more jism than brain cells and making a sex tape.

Michelle Obama does not Instagram pics of her ass, Kanye.   You do understand she is the First LADY, not the First Ratchet, right?

I can’t even get mad about this.  One must pity not scorn those attempting to navigate life when they are mentally challenged.  Kanye is about to be Kardashianed and he is doing it freely and of his volition.   I’m happy for the brother.   Things have gone too good for him and he found a whole new way to mess that up.

Keep it classy, Kimmy.

The First Lady will be SO jealous.

After all Kanye is a GENIUS.  Just ask him.  He’ll tell you himself.  Of course, the “G” label gets slapped on the unworthy and the undeserving all the time.  After Lou Reed passed I read somewhere that the Velvet Underground were America’s version of The Beatles. I almost busted a blood vessel laughing so hard at that one. Critics ALWAYS want to proclaim some musician or director or writer is a “genius” based on nothing more than THEY like them.

Remember when The Knack came out with “My Sharona?” Music critics creamed their jeans over them only to find out they were just another overhyped one-hit wonder. There are landfills all over America full of records, tapes and CD’s of shooting stars that shot their wad. Kanye gets the love because the pool is so shallow and he comes off like a whale in an ocean full of minnows.   Whether he deserves the critical love is another matter.

Upon closer inspection, the brother peaked with Late Registration. Maybe Graduation, but when he dropped 808 and Heartbreak he jumped the shark with a jet-ski. The brother is running on vapors and there’s no gas stations for 100 miles.

Rappers specialize in bragging, babbling and b.s., but Kanye has completely abused the privilege.    In ten years he’ll be playing state fairs while Kimmy K. will have taken her Tasty Kakes on to the next fool.

It’s 2013 and Kanye is so far removed from “genius” status it ain’t even funny. Stevie was a genius. James was a genius. Miles was a genius. Prince was a genius. Michael was a genius. Aretha was a genius.

Kanye is a poseur with a big mouth. That’s not genius. He’s old news. Next?

As for the love of his shallow life,  If Kanye’s happiness comes from banging a talentless skank who dumped the last sucker after a sham 72 day “marriage” and will DO EXACTLY THE SAME THING to Kanye when Mama Kris gives the order, then he deserves the royal reaming he’s going to get when they extract his wallet by pulling it right out of his ass. I wouldn’t tap Kim if I were dying of a disease and the cure was stuffed up her hot dog-in-a-hallway semen dumpster.

Who wouldn’t want to be her and live the life she lives? Only any woman with class, confidence, intelligence, goals, self-respect that doesn’t want her “fame” to come from perverts rubbing one out to a video of her gobbling the nuts of some fake-ass rapper like a oversexed squirrel.

Kim Kardashian is a fame whore, a vagina on two legs and a perfectly good waste of skin.    If that makes me a sexist, I plead guilty.  She’s still been the downfall of more Black men than diabetes.

Many have theorized Kanye’s descent into self-parody coincides with the death of his mother.   Possibly, but I’m not a therapist.   However, he is wealthy enough to afford an army of good ones.   Or at least he is until Kim and Kris clean out his accounts.   Kanye should really take his own advice:  Get a pre-nup.

The Mermaid and the Moron.

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Armed With A Toy Rifle, Killed By Real Bullets

Andy Lopez Cruz: dead before he really had a chance to live.

It’s Wednesday and time to discuss something other than yet another Obamacare-is-gonna-kill-your- mama story or whatever stupid thing Kanye West said when he woke up.

Something that happens far too often.

SANTA ROSA, California (Reuters) – No more than 10 seconds elapsed from the time sheriff’s deputies spotted a 13-year-old California boy carrying what they thought was an assault rifle and the moment they shot him dead, only to learn afterward the gun was a plastic replica, police said on Thursday.

It took 16 seconds more for the two officers to call for medical assistance, according to the time line of events released by police investigating Tuesday’s shooting in Santa Rosa, a suburb in northern California’s wine country.

Andy Lopez Cruz, wearing a hooded sweatshirt, had been on his way to a friend’s house clutching the imitation gun designed to shoot plastic pellets, police said. He died at the scene. A toy handgun also was found tucked in his pants.

An autopsy performed on Thursday found seven bullets struck the boy, and that two of the wounds were fatal. Investigators believe a total of eight rounds were fired by one of the two deputies who confronted the youth.

But the tragedy has reignited calls in the community for creation of civilian review boards to examine such incidents.

“People have to do something,” said Elbert Howard, a founding member of the Police Accountability Clinic and Helpline of Sonoma County. “He’s a child, and he had a toy. I see that as an overreaction to shoot him down.”

An advisory panel of the U.S. Civil Rights Commission urged Sonoma County to create civilian-review boards in 2000 following eight fatal officer-involved shootings in less than three years, but that recommendation went unheeded.

As many as 200 mourners gathered on Thursday around a makeshift memorial consisting of flowers, balloons, teddy bears and pictures of the boy at the site of the shooting.

Some held candles and signs that said: “What a tragedy, what a travesty.”

Cruz and his the AK-47 airgun that looked too real.

What could justify gunning down a 13-year-old kid walking down the street because he had the misfortune to carry a toy gun that looked too real?

Fear? A siege mentality? A sugar rush from one too many jelly donuts? Another minority kid wearing a killer hoodie?

Point of fact: Andy Lopez Cruz wasn’t a gang-banger.  Wasn’t a thug.  Wasn’t a criminal.  He was a 13-year-old kid carrying a TOY gun and one that wasn’t “real looking”

Kid walking down the street carrying a toy gun that kind of looks like the real deal, but isn’t. Cops roll up, tell the kid to drop it and then what? Lie down on the ground? Put his hands in the air?

Doesn’t matter. He turns around–in response to the cops–and gets shot down. That’s the end of Andy Lopez.

So what’s the moral of the story here? Better to err on the side of caution? Shoot first and ask questions later?

How about maybe cops need better training on how to discern a real gun from a fake one because it can’t be excused as just “a very tragic accident” every time a citizen with an air-gun in his or her possession steps outside their door and ends up getting popped and dropped?

The FBI has taken an interest…

Santa Rosa has been rocked by the event, with hundreds marching on Wednesday to protest the shooting of “an innocent young boy,” as one sign read. The deputies, who have not been named, are on leave while the incident is investigated, and the FBI announced on Saturday that they’re conducting an independent investigation of the incident.

The shooting is the latest in a long line of incidents of police shooting — and sometimes killing — people whom they have mistakenly thought to be armed with a real firearm. Last year, police fatally shot a Texas eight-grader who was carrying a pellet gun that resembled a black Glock. The year before, Miami police shot and killed a 57-year old man who had a realistic replica gun after getting 911 calls about the ostensible weapon. “This is not the first time,” says Karen Caves, spokeswoman for a California state senator who has pushed stricter regulations on imitation firearms. “It happens every year.”

…but I’m not surprised more people aren’t. After all, it’s not as if Andy Cruz was twerking or riding on a wrecking ball buck naked or something important like that.

Family members mourn the slain teen.

Being thirteen doesn’t make you a little boy. It makes you an eighth-grader and still too young to drive a motor vehicle, sign legal documents, drink a beer or legally buy a gun.

Being thirteen should mean you get the benefit of the doubt that you’re NOT a spree shooter or a kid killer, but Andy didn’t get that benefit of the doubt.

Not that he needs it any longer.

The cop in Charlotte who put ten bullets in Jonathan Ferrell said he feared for his life.  Here’s a thought:   If these cops are so full of fear should they even be cops in the first place?

Some will worry about the state of mind of the two deputies and how will they sleep after this.  I’m more concerned a boy is dead and he shouldn’t be. Nor am I particularly upset if the lives of the cops will never be the same. They still have their lives and will as likely as not suffer any real repercussions for their mistake. They won’t lose their jobs. They won’t lose their freedom. They probably won’t even lose any pay.

Andy Cruz lost his life. Where is the concern for him? I’m not indifferent to how the cops feel, but they have lost nothing compared to what they have taken.

I don’t take the officers at their word because they are human beings and when human beings royally fuck up as in this case they can handle it one of two ways:

1. Oh shit! I royally fucked up. I had better come clean and own this with a complete and honest account of what happened.

2. Oh, shit! I royally fucked up. I had better cover this up and lie my ass off with a totally bullshit story of what happened.

This is not me saying the cops are lying.   This is me saying under stress human beings fuck up. They miss important details. They forget. They think something was black when it was actually white. If “fight or flight” is a natural response to dangerous situations, “come clean or cover my ass” is also a natural response to dangerous situations.

Until I know more about what happened and why Andy Lopez Cruz is dead, I am not assuming good intentions on the behalf of the police officers because long before they were cops, they were still human beings.

No matter what the facts turn out to be they will still be child-killers and nothing can change that.

Mourning and anger in the wake of Cruz’s death (Photo: Reuters)

Last Walk On the Wild Side

He Was A Punk Before You Were A Punk

Not gonna lie. I wasn’t a big fan of Lou Reed. Not a great singer, not a great guitar player and I can count on one hand all the songs he made that I liked and I don’t have to use all my fingers.

What makes Lou Reed a rock n’ roller whose death deserves more than a paragraph is there are few artists who shared his heroin addiction, his rehabilitation, his sexuality, his opinions and never sold out to  just to sell a record or land a Rolling Stone cover.   Most of his fans dug his days with the Velvet Underground, but I could make up a mix tape (yeah, I said “tape”) with “Walk On The Wild Side,” “Vicious,” “Busload of Faith,” “Dirty Boulevard” and “I Love You, Suzanne.”  Hmmm…guess I can use all the fingers on one hand.

What I liked more than Reed’s brand of rock n’ roll was his rock n’ roll attitude.  He was surly, short-tempered and did not suffer fools gladly.  Why should he?  He was smart too.  Reed did what he pleased and fuck you very much if it didn’t please you.   Reed seemed to get a kick out of being provocative to his fans and openly hostile to his critics.

In 1975, Reed dropped Metal Machine Music on the world rarely has an artist so deliberately flipped off the fans and critics in such a deliberate way.   MMM has become the ultimate torture test with its 64 minutes of screeches, feedback and distortion.  Instead of pumping out heavy metal to make Gitmo prisoners suffer, blasting out MMM would make the toughest terrorist crumble like a freshly baked cookie.  Reed said in an interview, “Well, anyone who gets to side four is dumber than I am.”

Lou reacts to the suggestion of a Metal Machine Music Christmas album.

Back in the day when I was reading Creem magazine with religious fervor I dug the hell when the immortal Lester Bangs would interview Reed. They went at it like an old married couple, but I always felt the immense respect between them because they were both the same kind of weird bastards.  Reed rocked with a guitar and Bangs with a typewriter and his review of Metal Machine Music  was a classic moment in gonzo journalism.

Good night, Sweet Lou. Lester’s got a cold one waiting for you, you great bastard you.  Take one last walk on the wild side.

It has been suggested that in my annual regress report to the stockholders, published here last month, I neglected in all five thousand words to ever once mention why Metal Machine Music is a good album. So here, especially in light of Coney Island Baby, are the reasons:

If you ever thought feedback was the best thing that ever happened to the guitar, well, Lou just got rid of the guitars.

I realize that any idiot with the equipment could have made this album, including me, you or Lou. That’s one of the main reasons I like it so much. As with the Godz and Tangerine Dream, not only does it bring you closer to the artist, but someday, god willing, I may get to do my own Metal Machine Music. It’s all folk music, anyway.

When you wake up in the morning with the worst hangover of your life, Metal Machine Music is the best medicine. Because when you first arise you’re probably so fucked (i.e., still drunk) that is doesn’t even really hurt yet (not like it’s going to), so you should put this album on immediately, not only to clear all the crap out of your head, but to prepare you for what’s in store the rest of the day.

Speaking of clearing out crap, I once had this friend who would say, “I take acid at least every two months & JUST BLOW ALL THE BAD SHIT OUTA MY BRAIN!” So I say the same thing about MMM. Except I take it about once a day, like vitamins.

My pet land hermit crab, Spud, who sometimes goes for days at a time curled up inside his shell in a corner of the cage so you gotta check to see if he’s dead, likes MMM a lot. Every time I put it on, he comes out of his shell and starts crawling happily around the sand and climbing the bars. It is, in fact, the only time I ever see him get any exercise. Either that or he’s dancing. I have been told that Lou’s recordings, but most specifically this item, have become a kind of secret cult among teenage mental institution inmates all across the nation. I have been told further that those adolescents who have been subjected to electroshock therapy enjoy a particular affinity for MMM, that it reportedly “soothes their nerves,” and is ultimately a kind of anthem. If anyone out there reading this knows any more about this phenomenon, please get in touch with me immediately.

By the way?  I absolutely DESPISE Metal Machine Music.

The Little White Lies About the Tea Party’s Racism

Confedrate_Flag_Tea_Party

“You might be a racist if you’re waving a traitor’s flag to protest the Black man in the White House.”

The Tea Party is not racist. The TEA Party is not racist. The Tea PARTY is not racist. THE Tea Party is not racist.

No matter how many times or how many ways you say it, you can’t deny it: The Tea Party IS racist. As hell.   Let us not dither or waffle or obfuscate.  When something is obvious, you must call it what it is, not what it protests it is not.

An arsonist is not someone who loves fires.   An arsonist gets his rocks off by burning shit up.

A pedophile is not someone who loves children.  A pedophile screws kids and screws up their lives.

The Tea Party is not made up of firebugs and scum that bugger children.  A Tea Partier is not someone who simply has a philosophical and political difference with President Obama.   A Tea Partier is a White person who didn’t give a shit about politics under there was a Black man in the White House.

Morgan Freeman is not my default go-to guy on politics, but he’s been around long enough to know the nativist, regressive, reactionary language of the Tea Party is merely old-fashioned racism remixed for the 21st Century and he let the bullets fly in an Daily Beast interview.

The lengths that people will go to show their prejudices!  You see some of these signs that say, “TAKE OUR COUNTRY BACK!” What the fuck is that? Whose country are you talking about? They are being pushed to the side, which is a good thing for them to realize: you don’t have the power you think you have in this country. Obama was legitimately elected president. If you don’t like that, fine, either move out, or make your point and get yourself elected, but don’t tear the country apart! That’s not going to get you anywhere. I think the Republicans have pretty much destroyed themselves by allowing themselves to be controlled by a small contingent of people with a lot of money.

My position on The Tea Party has evolved as their politics have regressed.   They have zero tolerance for anything and anyone that does not conform to what “America” is and so too has my position that these nitwits, half-wits and dim wits should be met with tolerance and understanding.  Tried that and it doesn’t work.   You can’t reason with idiots whom are impervious to understanding and view even attempting to as a sign of weakness.  That’s when they pounce and go for your throat.

My stance for the Tea Party is the same as Michael Corleone for the Five Families;  I don’t have to wipe all of them out.  Just the ones whom are my enemy.

Guys like Larry Klayman.

Before the shutdown ended,  there was a rally of right-wingers in Washington to show their support for the GOP’s extremism and one speaker, Larry Klayman, an attorney, a founder of the advocacy group Freedom Watch, and a contributor to World Net Daily upped the ante for suggesting the U.S. military should overthrow President Obama to calling for a second American revolution to force Obama from power.

In a day of provocations and incendiary language at Tea Party-type protests Saturday in Washington D.C., WorldNetDaily.com author and Birther attorney Larry Klayman stands out.

“I call upon all of you to wage a second American nonviolent revolution, to use civil disobedience, and to demand that this president leave town,” said Klayman, a founder of the conservative Freedom Watch political advocacy group. Before a crowd at the “Million Vets March on the Memorials” Klayman demanded that President Barack Obama “… get up, to put the Quran down, to get up off his knees, and to figuratively come out with his hands up.”

The rallies had been pitched as a protest by veterans opposed to the shuttering of monuments, but have turned into Gadsen and Confederate-flag festooned rallies reminiscent of Tea Party rallies, complete with calls by some speakers for “people to stop obeying this government.”

“In 237 years, our country has declined more than Rome took 2000 years to do,” he said. “We are ruled, quote-unquote, by a president that bows down to Allah.”

Birds of a feather:  Republican Sen. Mike Lee, Sarah Palin and Larry Klayman

Birds of a feather: Republican Sen. Mike Lee, Sarah Palin and Larry Klayman

The Constitutional right of freedom of speech does not absolve citizens of responsibility for our speech.   If Klayman’s incendiary words don’t  rise to the standard of sedition, it skirts the edge of it.   This isn’t the first time Klayman has advocated the overthrow of President Obama.  In August he wrote a column pleading for the military to depose their Commander-in-Chief.

Standing by while Klayman called for a revolution were former Governor and noted quitter, Sarah Palin and Sen. Ted Cruz and neither of them distanced themselves from Klayman’s remarks.   Probably because they agree with them.

This isn’t your normal Republican vs. Democrat slap-fight.  This is more than a simple difference in politics.  This is hate, pure and simple and no amount of apologizing for the Tea Party excuses it.

When Rep.  Alan Grayson (D-Fl) said in an interview the Tea Party “was no more popular than the Klan” the conservative press was annoyed and demanded other Democrats denounce his remarks.

Which few did, because while the Tea Party is more popular than the Klan their hatred of the President is exactly the same and there’s no denying that.

The Tea Party isn’t racist? Suuuuuurrrre, they aren’t.

Tigers In A Spotlight: Hard Times and Big Trouble at Grambling State

The team sacked the university officials.

When the Grambling football team decided to boycott their game against Jackson State over the shoddy training facilities, poorly cleaned uniforms and pads, 14 hour-long bus trips and being charged for their own Gatorade it quickly evolved beyond a simple sports story into a eye-opening look at the sorry state of cash-strapped Black colleges and universities.

While politely framed, the letter from the football players of how deep in crisis mode Grambling State truly is.

The athletic complex is a place where we as a team prepare for competition. In our opinion, the complex is in horrible condition, and has many hazards that may contribute to our overall health. First, the complex is filled with mildew and mold. Mildew and mold can be seen on the ceiling, walls and floor, and are contributing to water leaks because of faltering walls and ceilings. Grambling student-athletes are not the only ones complaining about this particular hazard. When Lamar University came to play our team they refused to go in the locker room for half time due to mold and mildew. Second, the weight room and care of game and practice gear are in bad condition, in areas where the floor is coming up, it causes players to trip while lifting large amounts of weight. Equipment in the weight room is falling apart, as well as workout benches are tearing and ripping apart.

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We as student athletes would also like better detergent for our uniforms and practice uniforms. The uniforms are poorly cleaned and contribute to the multiple cases if staph infection. Several players have been infected with staph multiple times.  

Student-athletes have been complaining since summer 2013 about the way summer camp and work outs were set up.  We did not receive Gatorade or Muscle Milk. We had to pay for those expensive items ourselves. We were also forced to get water from hoses underneath the stadium in 90 degree plus weather. Student-athletes often complained of the high grass we had to practice in. The grass was up to our knees and was rarely cut. This was a huge inconvenience to the team.  Shortly after that we found out that we would not be housed for camp. Players that live off campus were responsible for commuting back and forth to campus three times a day, not to mention, we were already paying for summer school out of pocket.

During summer 2013 we were told we would be taking two major trips this season, Kansas City, Missouri and the other to Indianapolis, Indiana. We were pretty excited but found out later we would be taking a bus. Both trips, we traveled excessive hours. One trip was 14 hours while the other was 17.  Players were drained and exhausted after those long rides. Long rides take a toll on athlete’s bodies both mentally and physically. However both the president and athletic director traveled by plane. In our opinion, any trip over 8 hours should be taken by plane. We also found out that we would not travel to a hotel and stay overnight for home games. It is tradition for us to travel for home games but that tradition was broken also.

Get your lift on. But watch your step.

The next complaint is about money donated from friends of football and the alumni association. Money from both organizations is being rejected. The funds donated can help take care of some of our expenses. The funding can supply Muscle Milk, Gatorade, help house us or even get the complex cleaned and updated. All things that are much needed. The funds are rejected by the university, because the organizations that donate the money want to put their money toward a specific cause, not the university or athletics as a whole.  

The letter must have gone off louder than a bomb with university officials, but when the student newspaper Tweeted pictures of the torn workout bench, dirty walls, filthy weight-lifting belts and the mold and mildew covered football equipment, Grambling State retaliated by removing the editor from the paper.   Seems they figured freedom of the press doesn’t extend to exposing the squalid conditions the jocks have to endure,  but nobody was paying any attention to the dire state of Grambling University before this dramatic gesture by the players and now its a national news despite attempts by Grambling officials to suppress the story,   The picture coming in focus is of a crumbling football program, a school on financial life support, and an uncaring system that uses up the bodies of young men whom receive none of the profits but take most of the risks.

Don’t blame these young men for speaking truth to power.  Applaud them for standing up for something other than winning meaningless football games or is the purpose of higher education only to fill up stadiums on Saturdays and plug new cogs in the college football machine?

William C. Rhoden, an award-winning sports columnist for the New York Times  wrote, “While much of the language of college athletic reform has focused on exploitation of players and especially the low graduation rates of black players, the significance of the Grambling protest is that players at a historically black college complained that the institution was treating them unfairly and was exploiting their muscle. The boycott targeted a system that exploits all players, whether they attend Grambling or Georgia Tech. The issues at Grambling are different from the issues at Georgia Tech, but players at each institution play by the same N.C.A.A. rules. Those rules prop up an outdated and exploitative system. ”

Gov. Bobby Jindal has slashed millions in aid for Grambling.

There is plenty of blame to spread around in the Grambling mess.   The team is lousy this season (0-8), the university administration seems more interested in shutting up the students and covering their own asses than fixing the many problems of the troubled school.  But if there’s one specific bad guy  to be called out look no further than Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal who has repeatedly cut state funding for Grambling as Deadspin detailed:

In 2009, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal turned down stimulus money from the federal government. That same year, Jindal cut $219 million in state funds for higher education, including $5 million that would have been earmarked for Grambling. In January 2012, Jindal announced an additional mid-year budget cut of $50 million for higher education, with Grambling losing out on nearly $1 million of that total. This is not chump change.

It gets worse. According to a 2011 university financial report, Grambling’s share of funding from the state of Louisiana was projected to decrease nearly 40 percent by the 2011-12 school year from its peak in 2007-08. According to Frank Pogue, the university president, that figure is now up to more than 50 percent in the last eight years. To help offset the shortfall, the school hacked some $200,000 from its athletics budget in 2010-11. And that same report called for an additional cut of $1.19 million from athletics in 2011-12.

There was not one single act nor one specific person to be blamed for the situation at Grambling State.   All the stupidly heavy-handed response by university officials to squelch the student newspaper’s criticism got them was even more negative attention and bad press. Way to go President Pogue.  Moron.

When my daughter was considering a HBCU to attend we toured several and came away stunned by the poor condition of the campuses and specifically the dormitories.   It never occurred to me to check out the athletic facilities.   If they were anything like Grambling State, I’m probably glad I didn’t without wearing a hazmat suit.

It’s unfortunate the young men at Grambling State have to go put up with this crap, but there are more important things than playing another football game.   Taking a stand and demanding to decent working conditions (and make no mistake, college football is a job) isn’t something reserved only for those picking up a paycheck.   The Grambling officials and the NCAA probably wish these student athletes would act more like stereotypical dumb jocks than young Black men speaking out, but they deserve as much applause for what they are doing now as much as anything they have ever done on a football field.

Bad times in the Bayou.

Johnny Mac: Shadow President

“I’m Johnny Mac, and those media hos love me.”

Hear that creaking sound?   That was John McCain finding his spine again.

Just before the Republican Kamikazes went over the edge with their mad scheme to kill off Obamacare,  McCain took to the floor of the U.S. Senate to tell off the titular leader of the Kamikazes,  Senator Wacko Bird,  The Asshole Previously Known As Ted Cruz) just how doggone mad he was about the government shutdown dragging into the second week and cutting off military benefits.

“Somehow, to think that we are going to repeal Obamacare, which would have required 67 Republican votes, of course, was a false premise, and I think did the American people a great disservice by convincing them that somehow we could.”

McCain never mentioned Cruz by name.  He didn’t have to.  Everyone knew who Johnny Mac was ripping a new hole for.  The rules of Senate decorum prevented McCain for calling off Cruz for his suicidal strategy.    In a profile of Senator Wacko Bird for GQ magazine, an aide to McCain was less circumspect of how his boss felt about Cruz.

“He fucking hates Cruz,” an adviser of the Arizona senator said. “He’s just offended by his style.

Fight! Fight! Fight!  Cruz is riding high on Johnny Mac’s shit list and of course he was absolutely right how utterly doomed to failure the shutdown was and how badly Republicans would be scarred from the shrapnel when it all blew up in their faces.

The Washington press corps loves John McCain.  If he were a woman they would cheat on their wives to be with him.  As it is, they blow him wet kisses every time he talks tough.  It sends a chill down their spine and they squeal like little girls.

There is no good reason for this.

For all his vanity, McCain has no more power than any of the other 99 Senators.   He is not a part of the senior Senate leadership.  His vote counts for no more than any other Senator,  but that hasn’t stopped him from assuming the position of “The Senator of Senators,” first among equals.

Johnny Mac. Ordinary regular guy. Likes dogs.

Predictably the mainstream media felt a tingle go up their legs.  At last!  The return of the Reasonable Republican.  Someone “moderate” to talk sense to a Grand Old Party body-snatched by the Tea Party.   Those guys aren’t just angry.  They’re mean.   Not like Johnny Mac.The Maverick is back!

Oh, if only we had elected THIS guy instead of the smooth talker.

Professional loudmouth Chris Matthews once admitted, “The press loves McCain. We’re his base” and the hero-worship of the Washington media confirms this.  He is their favorite Republican   Matthews was raked over the coals for fawning over Barack Obama in 2008 for his infamous “tingle up my leg” quip, but he also said about McCain that he “deserved the presidency.” 

McCain bitch slapping a cocky blowhard like Cruz absolutely delights Matthews and the rest of the punditocracy.    Since losing to Obama, this version of McCain hasn’t been seen much lately.  Where has this John McCain been?

Oh, let’s see.  Losing a presidential election.  Inflicting the unparalleled idiocy of the mentally challenged Sarah Palin on the country, running for reelection by taking far-right stances and then promptly casting them aside, offered lukewarm support for Mitt Romney despite despising him almost as much as he does President Obama, agitating for war against Iran, Libya, and Syria, losing his shit over Benghazi, led the lynch mob to block Susan Rice’s nomination to be Secretary of State, fought the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, opposed withdrawal from Iraq and Afghanistan,  permitted David Gregory to give him lap dances during his weekly appearances on “Meet the Press”, blasted Obama’s every foreign policy initiative, stabbed his old buddy and colleague Chuck Hagel in the back as he opposed his nomination for Secretary of Defense, got into grumpy old man fights with those Rand Paul and Ted Cruz whippersnappers and pouted.

LOTS of pouting.

When the books about the Great Shutdown of 2013 is written,  Johnny Mac will be a minor figure, not a major player, but not to hear him tell it.  Siddown, ya little bastards and your old Grandpa Johnny Mac is gonna tell ya a story how I reopened the whole damn federal government all by myself when that smart-ass Harvard professor in the White House couldn’t do it!    Certainly he got more face time and high praise than his deeds deserved,  but what did McCain DO?   He didn’t negotiate the reopening of the government.   Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell did that.  He certainly didn’t influence the House of Representatives to do anything.   What do those nuts care about the senior Senator from Arizona and what he thinks about anything?

While Johnny Mac may think he is the Shadow President of the United States, all is just one of 100 Senators, with no more power than any other but more ego than all of them put together.

Give him credit for being the principled Republican willing to take on his party’s extreme wing, but Congressman Peter King has gone even further and called out Cruz directly and he doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere as much credit as McCain.

Any credit coming to Johnny Mac is taken away by his former running mate, Sarah Palin, standing side-by-side with Cruz, not McCain.  If for nothing else,  Johnny Mac will never live that one down.

“Uck. Did that come out of ME?”

The Sphincter of the House

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John loses his boner.

House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, acknowledged Wednesday that he would allow a vote in the House on a newly-minted Senate deal on debt and spending.

“We fought the good fight. We just didn’t win,” he said on WLW radio in Ohio.

Boehner additionally confirmed that he would “absolutely” allow the whole House to vote on a plan introduced on Wednesday in the Senate. That bipartisan plan, unveiled by Senate leaders, would fund the government through mid-January and raise the debt ceiling until early February.

Which begs the musical question…

How in the hell was this any sort of “good fight?”

What exactly was the high-minded principle The Boner and his fellow knuckle-dragging troglodytes were fighting for worth shutting down the entire government for three weeks,  throwing thousands of federal workers out of work and cutting off their checks (while Congress made sure they were still receiving their pay)  pushing the country into default and making the United States of America look like the nuttiest asylum ever run by the most insane inmates?

“We Just Didn’t Win.”

Which means The Boner is a loser.  The Caveman Caucus is full of grunting losers.  The Republican Party is a loser.   Ted  “Canadian Bacon” Cruz is the biggest loser right along his fellow losers in the collective of whiny losers called the Tea Party.   That is a good thing to come out of a bad thing.

Ultimately the cavemen caved in.  What else could they do?  Though the extremist whack jobs in Congress and their little cheerleaders on Fixed News were ready to crash and burn the American economy for the sake of a temper tantrum, eventually the adults wrested the controls away from them and narrowly avoided one potentially very hot mess.

This is your Republican Party.

This is your Republican Party.

So if the Boner is wimpiest wimp that ever wimped in American political history and is a Dead Man Walking in his remaining tenure as Speaker of the House of Crazy People, who were the winners here?

NOBODY WINS  in a sorry spectacle like this and you are on crazy pills if you think anybody won jack.   The Congressional crazies will be all over the television and the radio and the Internet telling anyone who will listen, “We WON!  We shut down the government!  We brought the country to a screeching halt.  Man, we ROCK!  We are such total bad-asses!  High-five and chest bumps all around!”

This will be nothing more than the hollow victory yelps of crazy people and no different from the whiskey-fueled ranting of a mangy drunk arguing with himself on a standing-room bus as a puddle of pee runs down his leg and all the other riders desperately try to pretend the foul-smelling lout isn’t really there.

That is what the Republican Party is now.  Mangy, ranting drunks who annoy everyone and stink of stale ammonia strong piss.

We’ll take a break from this unnecessary exercise in brinkmanship and be back for more of the same after the Xmas when “The Real Assholes of Washington D.C.” returns for its next season.

What have we learned?  We have learned John Andrew Bohner is the 61st Speaker of the House and a total neutered whipped dog who is regularly kicked around by 30 extremists in his own caucus and he lives in fear of the next kick in the rib.

I’d feel sorry for the Boner if I wasn’t revolted  by his submissive groveling weakness and his gutless  “I don’t give a shit what happens to the country as long as I’m still Speaker”  self-preservation motivation.

See you in January.

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