Fred Phelps, the fire-and-brimstone “God Hates Fags” preacher and leader of a flock on inbred idiots called the Westboro Baptist Church, won’t be picketing the funerals of dead soldiers and gay celebrities any more. His hateful little cult of cretins will probably attempt to carry on without him, but it just won’t be the same without Freaky Fred leading the chorus of ugly screaming and shouting at grieving families.
That’s because Fred is dead and that’s a good thing because when he was alive he was one crazy and annoying man. He was not a good man. He did not do kind things. He was one selfish, vicious, worthless old bastard who lived only to bring misery to the world and we’re all better off he’s no longer above ground polluting the air with his rancid teachings.
Nice people should have nice things said about them when they die. Nasty people don’t become nice people because they are dead people now and Fred Phelps was not nice people. Not at all.
If I’m forced to say something good about Fred Phelps, Satan’s newest BFF, it’s this, as a gay friend pointed out. If this loathsome man did nothing else in his miserable excrescence of an existence, he did more to make homophobia hatred so repulsive and repellent it cut right across EVERY diving line. Phelps made the difficult act of learning tolerance far more preferable than his preaching prejudice.
Liberals, conservatives, Christians and atheists, hard-Right-wingers and loony Lefties, the reddest of rednecks and the most heavy-handed of Bible-thumpers could agree on this one they: none of them wanted anything to do with Phelps. Even if you didn’t care for your fellow Gay Americans, you didn’t want your dislike lumped in with the rabid insanity of a Fred Phelps.
Phelps never intended to be a unifying force, but he turned out to be one anyway. Everyone could at least unite against him.
Alas, poor Fred. One less inflamed asshole in the world. One more inflamed asshole burning in the purgatory he wanted to damn gays and lesbians to. If this all sounds cruel and cold, what do you expect? Phelps was a cold and cruel man full of fear and bigotry and that’s all he filled the world with. The world is already dark enough. What Phelps contributed was nothing anybody needed.
To the bitter end Phelps was an hypocritical shitheel. Now that he’s gone all cold and stiff he’s not going to have a proper funeral? Wassup with that, bud? Afraid the case of Glee will show up with picket signs?
Fred doesn’t need to be buried. He should be recycled. Put him in a yard waste bag, drag his dead ass to the corner and he can be picked up and turned into something useful. He was full of crap and should make excellent mulch.
He deserves a 21-flush salute. And then let’s forget all about Fred Phelps. The same way you forget about a big meal after your body expels it as waste 24 hours later.
That’s Fred Phelps. Human waste.