One, We’re Done! Cowboys Choke (Again!)

The Cowgirls aren’t’ America’s team. America loves WINNERS!

Live by the lucky call.  Die by the unlucky call.

A week after benefiting from one of the worst blown calls in the history of the NFL, the Dallas Cowboys traveled to the not-quite-frozen, but pretty torn-up tundra of Lambeau Field to take on a noticeably hobbled Aaron Rogers and the Green Bay Packers.   This time Tony Romo didn’t throw the big interception at the worst time.   In fact, he threw a high one for loudmouthed but undeniably talented receiver Dez Bryant to go up…up…UP for and seemingly pull down over a flailing Packer defender to put Dallas on the one-yard line to put them in position to score the go-ahead TD.

That’s how it was supposed to play out.  What happened was Green Bay’s coach threw the challenge flag and the referee overturned the call.  Bryant didn’t have possession of the ball all the way to the ground.  Bad call?  So sad, too bad.  Ask The Detroit Lions what it feels like to get screwed by the zebras without lube.

Shed no tears for the Dallas Cowboys.  Actually, if you’re a fan,  you can shed all the tears as you want.  Me, I’m laughing my ass off because nothing is more fun in pro football than seeing Jerry’s Kids sent to the showers.  As a 49ers fan in the unfamiliar position of having nobody to root for in the playoffs, I’ll take pleasure in rooting against America’s  Republican Team.

He's fallen and he can't get up.

He’s fallen and he can’t get up.

It’s a good thing for the NFL the Cowboys are finally worth hating again.   It was getting old kicking around Jerry’s Kids when they were stinking like piss-soaked winos lying in the gutter.   It’s fun to hate the Cowgirls now they have finally returned to respectability.   All the sometime-fans pull their Dallas gear out of the back of the closet, squeeze into in and start screaming, “How ’bout them Cowboys?”

So what about them Cowgirls?

Bashing Jones as a swaggering douche is easy because he provides so many reasons to boo and hiss him.   Head coach Jason Garrett always has the confused look of a guy who can’t remember if he flushed the toilet after a particularly foul dump.   But Romo is the easiest target to take down.  In a decade as quarterback Romo has amassed an unimpressive 3-5 record in the playoffs with no Super Bowl appearances.   Romo is paid like an  elite quarterback without ever producing elite results , but I’m cool with it because Jerry Jones blowing his dough on a second-rater like Romo sits well with me because my two favorite teams are always the 49ers and whoever beats Dallas’ ass.

I’m like to say I’m sorry but I’m really not sorry at all for Jerry’s Kids..  Jones can go get some more Botox because there’s a few muscles in his face which aren’t completely frozen yet.  Drop Bryant back off at the daycare.   Garrett is a free agent who can go anywhere anyone wants to offer him a job.  Nobody will, so he’ll be back and the sucking will continue.   The biggest loser is Chris “Kool-Aid Man” Christie who came out as a Cowgirls guy (figures!) who may have had lap band surgery, but that dramatic weight loss hasn’t dramatically kicked in quite yet.

Am I bitter my 49ers didn’t make the playoffs, but the Cowgirls did?  Sure.  I’m not above being petty.  I have no shame in finding pleasure in the miseries visited upon Jones, Romo, Bryant, Garrett, Christie and the entire Cowgirl Nation.

I know I suck. I’ve ALWAYS sucked!

The fall of America’s Republican Team augers well for the NFL.   The worst case scenario would have been a Patriots vs. Cowboys Super Bowl (otherwise known as Hitler vs. Satan).   Half of our national nightmare has been averted.   If the Cowgirls return to the Super Bowl the terrorists win and who wants that?

Buh-bye!

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One thought on “One, We’re Done! Cowboys Choke (Again!)

  1. Despite my living in Dallas, despite my having in the past loved the Cowboys (during the Tom Landry days). These days I take small bites of ‘yum that tastes good’ whenever they go down in flames. I can’t help myself. I have hated Jerry Jones and all he touches since the minute he did Tom Landry wrong.

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