Fear the Walking Dead Eats It!

If you’re a Black dude you’d better Fear the Walking Dead. You’re gonna die first!

When  Fear the Walking Dead was announced the word on it was it would be so much faster than The Walking Dead and it’s absolutely true!  It only took four episodes for me to be bored stupid by this show.

The Walking Dead peaked with its first episode and went downhill on jet-rocket skis since then.   Here the first episode was glacially slow. None of the characters moved me at all. I was bored until the last few moments. It wasn’t worth the trip to get there. Fear the Walking Dead only has a six-episode run and couldn’t wait as long.  Through five episodes I’ve yet to see a peak.

Something else I’ve always wondered is why are the undead called “walkers?”

Isn’t it about time at least one person said, “Walkers, my butt! Them’s ZOMBIES!!!!

I’m not the only one who’s noticed, Fear the Walking Dead seems to have the same problem The Walking Dead does with Black male characters.

Maybe I need to read some Max Brooks or something, but it’s always bothered me these stories focus on how the zombie apocalypse affects a few people, but the details of how it all falls apart are skipped over.

What happens to all the newborn babies in a hospital as well as all the bed-ridden or comatose patients. Do they become the buffet for the zombiefied doctors, nurses and staff? What happens when someone zombies out in a prison or in the middle of a crowded concert? Does the president hop on Air Force One along with the Chosen Elite to wait out the chaos?

How does civilization come completely apart when the dead rise to eat the living? It’s not that I need to know the why of the zombies, but I do want to know how.

My hope was Fear the Walking Dead would  show how everything turns into a giant shit sandwich, but seeing it happen through the eyes of these characters is a mistake since I really don’t care about these characters at all.

If all I wanted was some gory kills, I’d just pop in a season of The Walking Dead itself. The parent show is how to survive during the zombie apocalypse. The spin-off should be about how the world got there, but if I gotta deal with all the domestic drama, it’s gonna be a real slog between the kills.

My brother who enjoys The Walking Dead hates Fear the Walking Dead. I’m not a huge fan of the former, but the latter has failed for me because it made the dumb decision to take the cheap way out. It made this show about one family dealing with the zombie apocalypse (not the “walker” apocalypse so screw you very much, Robert Kirkman!) because it is cheaper on the budget than staging scenes of chaos and disorder in the street as Los Angeles crumbles beneath an onslaught of the ravenous undead.

Fear the Walking Dead needed movie-sized money to pull that off, but opted for TV-sized talking heads and two-shots.

Interracial relationships are tough with zombies.

Interracial relationships are tough with zombies.

t may seem I enjoy dumping on this dead, shambling, shuffling, trainwreck of a show, (and there’s a small, twisted part of me that does), but truthfully, I’m more disappointed than delighted I have to dump on Fear the Walking Dead. I wanted to like it. I wanted it to be scary and full of dread and sink its teeth into me and bite down hard.

But it hasn’t. It’s just another dysfunctional modern family with smart mom Madison, dummy daddy figure Travis, junkie wasteoid Nick and mopey brat Alicia, and if all of them ended up passing through a zombie’s digestive tract, it would be a better show without them.

No matter how good the last episode is, it won’t be good enough to make up for the five preceding it.

“Ya can’t kill a zombie by talking it to death!”

I’ve pretty much accepted this show is going to be the idiot little brother to The Walking Dead since  Kirkman is all about keeping the family dynamic together even as the world turns to shit. As something to fill the space until the alpha dog show returns, it’s adequate, but it’s not scary, it’s not involving and it’s not very good.