“Batman v Superman” Is Too Big To Fail. Right?

When Bros Clash! by Frank Miller

This is not a review of Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice.   It doesn’t need reviews this is probably going to a movie that is critic-proof. The ability to have bullets bounce off is gonna come in handy because the movies is under fire pulling an anemic 33 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

I haven’t seen the movie and wasn’t planning on in its opening week, but if I were a suit at Warner Brothers, I’d be scared down to my skivvies. Not scared of Lex Luthor, but of the Hulk, the 2003 film version.

Hulk was released on June 20, 2003, earning $62.1 million in its opening weekend, which made it the 16th highest ever opener at the time. However, poor word of mouth spread, and it never recovered. With a second weekend drop of 70%, it was the first opener above $20 million to drop over 65%. The film went on to gross $132.2 in North America, and $113.2 in foreign countries, coming to a worldwide total of $245.4 million. Hulk failed to recoup its $137 million budget since it did not make more than $274 million.   With a final North American gross of $132.2 million it became the largest opener to fail to earn $150 million.

So there’s precedent.  There’s no doubt Bats vs. Supes will have a great opening week. The buzz is big for this one:

One interesting stat released by Fandango when trumpeting the massive pre-sale figures for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice was this little tidbit: 88% of moviegoers are excited to see Wonder Woman onscreen. Of those polled among pre-ticket buyers, that number is higher than any other polled question.

82% have seen Man of Steel in theaters, 66% are Zack Snyder fans, 61% are planning to see the movie more than once, 60% are looking forward to Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor, 59% are rooting for Batman, and 41% are rooting for Superman.

Those are reasons to be optimistic Batman v. Superman will have a yuuuuuge opening week.

But what happens in the second week? If it takes a Hulk-sized fall-off of 60-70 percent, it’s dead. Even many of the positive reviews have said this is not a “kid friendly” flick for reasons I can’t mention.  If families won’t go, will fans be enough to make up the difference?

This movie cost $250 to make and another $150 million to market. That’s a $400 million dollar gamble and if doesn’t make BIG money–Avengers, Star Wars billion dollar kind of money. Anything less than that will not bode well for the future of the DC film franchises.    My guess is  this will open to over $100 million, but nobody can predict if it will get a repeat audience or they just go see Deadpool again.

Batman v. Superman has dropped to 30 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.    It is four percent ahead of My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, so that’s something to get Zack Snyder fist-pumping.

Before anyone says I must be a Marvel zombie, I hate Ben Affleck’s dimpled chin and I own Disney stock so I’m hoping Bats v. Supes tank , let me stop you there.   It matters that Batman v. Superman is good for the same reason it mattered when DC and Marvel were known for comic books and not for comic book movies.   Competition made them both try harder and if DC’s movies suck, Marvel movies will inevitably suck too.

I pay attention to movie critics because I was one and the word is this is not a great film.  I’ll decide that for myself, but I wasn’t planning on going on Opening Week anyway.   I’m busy staying home and catching up with Daredevil Season Two.

You remember Daredevil, right?   The last superhero Batffleck played?

Bat Affleck? The Internet Does Not Approve.

And a million nerds wailed in rage and impotent fury!

Ben Affleck is your new Batman.   In the summer of  2015, Superman will throw down with the multiple Academy Award winner.   This may not be the hero Gotham wanted but it is the hero it is going to get now and the Internet handled the news in its usual calm,  mature and reasoned way.

NERD RAGE!  BEN AFFLECK?   NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Their wrath took shape as a petition on Change.org declaring:   His acting skill is not even close to being believable as Bruce Wayne and he won’t do the role justice. He’s not built, nor is he intimidating enough for the role of Batman. His portrayal of Daredevil was atrocious and he’s not remotely close to an action star. Please find someone else.

The petition has close to 50,000 signatures and that is close to 50,000 people who seriously need to get a life.

Twitter started trending as soon as the news broke and the best comment I read was in reaction to the irrational hateration, “There is no one who could have played Batman that the internet would have liked. The internet hates things. It’s what the internet does.”

Which isn’t completely true.  If Warner Brothers had been able to get Christian Bale to put back on the Bat-suit for another turn or been able to get Joseph Gordon-Levett to put it on at all, The internet would be VERY happy.

If I were an executive at Warner Brothers, I would be high-fiving every hand in sight over the Internet losing its collective SHIT about the Affleck-as-Batman “controversy.”

It is a bad idea to make any decisions based upon what the Internet does or does not like.  The Internet liked Snakes On A Plane and you see how well that turned out.   Heeding the advice of someone who knows what is in every compartment of Batman’s utility belt and Aunt Harriet’s last name but has never produced, written, directed or raised one dime to make a summer tent pole film is probably not the smart move to make.

The same fanboys who are bitching relentlessly today are the same ones whom in 2015 will have their moms drive them to the multiplex on the opening night of “Superman vs. Batman” where they will buy a giant tub of popcorn, soak it in faux butter, buy a 40 oz Coke and plant their asses in the first row so they can bitch relentlessly how bad Affleck is as Batman.

Just remember this:  As Gawker points out, the Internet hated the announcement of Heath Ledger as the Joker too.

Seems to me that turned out pretty much okay.

I’m sure Affleck will be fine.   All he has to do is be better than Daredevil.

How hard could that be?   Bat… Ben Affleck addressed the angry hordes amassed against him.

You’ll hunt me. You’ll condemn me. Set the dogs on me. Because that’s what needs to happen.  You have nothing, nothing to threaten me with. Nothing to do with all your strength. I like this job – I like it!  And… here… we… go!