The Republican’s “Deep Bench” Got Trumped.

trump

Exit…Stage Right.

There will be no contested convention in Cleveland.   No white knight will rise to rescue the Republicans from the monster that devoured them.   We started off with 17 governors, senators, former CEO’s and other leading lights of the GOP.    One-by-one they were out put out to pasture.  Insulted, humiliated, and belittled until they were beaten by a dude who may not even be a Republican.

Last week in Indiana, Trump’s final remaining challengers, Terrible Ted Cruz and John “Son of a Mailman”Kasich finally faced the cold hard truth.  The voters weren’t buying what a Texas senator and the Ohio governor were selling, but they were all-in for a billionaire businessman from Noo Yawk who’s never held elected office.  With Donald Trump Ascendant it’s time to ask one question and its the one question which needs answering more than any other question.

What the hell happened to that “deep bench” of candidates the Republicans had as opposed to the weak scrubs the Democrats had?

The myth of the Deep Republican Bench has been exposed as the total and complete fraud it was.   Writing in the Washington Times, Joseph Curl boasted in 2014 how the GOP was stacked to the max with presidential contenders while the poor Dems were left with little more than cold pizza and moldy meatloaf to choose from.    Curl got a good giggle from the prospective candidates.

…Hillary Rodham Clinton, who got crushed last time by a first-term senator no one had ever heard of, and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, a one-dimensional politician who has repeatedly said she does not plan to run in 2016.

The Dem bench thins significantly after that — ever heard of Jim Webb or Martin O’Malley? Didn’t think so. They get mentioned most often after Mrs. Clinton and Mrs. Warren. And party leaders still talk seriously about Vice President Joseph R. Biden making a run. Highly unlikely. So crushable.

It’s so much fun to look back with the benefit of hindsight isn’t it.   It gets better.   Carl next crushes on The Notorious B, Bill Kristol, the Weekly Standard editor and former head cheerleader for Sarah Palin’s presidential hopes, who rhapsodized wistfully draming of the 26 (!) potential Republicans who would wrest control of the White House from the Kenyan usurper/occupier come the next election.

“…the Republicans are sitting on the deepest bench they’ve had in decades. Bill Kristol, the editor of the Weekly Standard, counts some 26 potential candidates: “John Bolton, Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal, John Kasich, Pete King, Mike Pence, Rick Perry, Mitt Romney, Marco Rubio, Paul Ryan, Rick Santorum, Joe Scarborough, Scott Walker, and Allen West … Dick Cheney, Tom Cotton, Mitch Daniels, Joni Ernst, Newt Gingrich, and Rudy Giuliani.”

The Donald and the 16 Dwarfs

“Each of you would be a better president than Hillary Clinton. You would deserve the thanks of man and woman if you beat her. And if your name is not on this list, don’t feel slighted. Rather, feel free to volunteer you’re also more ready than Hillary. If you think you’re the right person go for it.”

He missed a few others: Nikki Haley, Brian Sandoval, Susana Martinez. And of course Rand Paul. That pushes the number to 30. Not all are top-tier, ready-to-govern candidates, but all are, as Mr. Kristol points out, “more ready than Hillary.”

I don’t read Curl on a regular basis and in retrospect, in 2014 nobody saw the Trump Express bearing down on the rest of the Republican, but these are among the WORST prognostications made about the 2016 presidential race.   You could hardly be as wrong as Curl was.     The Republican field featured five current and former U.S. Senators (Graham, Cruz, Rubio, Paul and Santorum),  nine current and former governors (Christie, Walker, Kasich, Huckabee, Pataki, Perry, Gilmore, Bush, Jindal),  a well-regarded brain surgeon (Carson) and a less well-regarded CEO (Fiorina).     If you had asked the experts like Mr. Curl if Trump would have been the one to crush ALL of them, he’d probably blow snot bubbles out of his nose laughing at the suggestion.

Who’s laughing now?  Besides Trump that is?   The GOP establishment is trapped in a nightmare they can’t wake from and the only thing that stands between Trump and the rest of America getting caught up in it as well is Hillary Rodham Clinton.   It’s a terrible position to be put in for a Republican who abhors Trump to have to rely upon a woman they’ve hated for decades to save the country from a narcissist infected by megalomania.

What happens next?  Don’t ask me.  This is unfamiliar territory to all of us.  The experts are now saying Trump can’t win in November no way no how.  They were saying that when he was over a year away from November 2016.  Now he’s only six months away.

Meanwhile, for all you Cruz/Fiorina ‘16 fans, get your orders in NOW. Operators are standing by. They got no choice.. The movers have already taken the chairs and desks and are coming back for the phones.

Buy this crap now before some poor kid in El Salvador or Haiti ends up rocking the gear of two assholes like Cruz and Fiorina who’d never let them in this country in the first place.

Collectors Items? Nah. Just garbage.

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Carly Fiorina’s So Vain She Probably Thinks This Election Is About Her.

The Botox Barbie wants to be elected.

It’s a little late, but not too late to talk about Carly Fiorina, the clear winner of the second Republican presidential debate due in no small part to a big assist from CNN.

Still, she was clearly better than a woozy Jeb Bush and a bored Donald Trump.   She should start measuring drapes in the Oval Office, right? Let’s pump the brakes. Fiorina did well in the last debate and but she did so because CNN changed their own rules to include her. She did well because Donald Trump screwed when he hit Fiorina’s on her looks thus making her the latest target of his uncontrollable sexism.  She did well because Gentle Ben Carson sleepwalked through the debate and his flaccid performance dropped him from second place to third though he has since recovered in the ever-changing polls.

Fiorina is a conservative Republican woman who does not differ in any substantive way from the conservative Republican men she’s running against.  She has claimed the status as the Anti-Hillary non-politician, but Fiorina is only an outsider because she failed miserably when she ran for the U.S. Senate against Democratic incumbent Barbara Boxer.

Fiorina’s rise is like that of Carson, Trump and Bernie Sanders. The public is looking around for something newer and shinier than the Establishment options of choosing from Column A of Jeb Bush and choosing from Column B of Hillary Clinton. Or have we forgotten four years ago when Herman Cain was a thing? Then as now, pretty much anyone who hasn’t been a politician but wants to be the top politician in America can be a top contender in the G.O.P. presidential race.

Fiorina’s dismal record as a business “leader” obscures her wearisome anti-woman agenda on reproductive rights, the untruthful attack on Planned Parenthood, opposition to wage equity, and raising the minimum wage is indicative of yet another rich and selfish plutocrat attempting to feed her enormous ego.

Most presidents don’t layoff 30,000 workers, drops the stock price in the shitter, gets fired from their job and are such a hot property nobody even wants you to run their company, then falls upward cashing out with over $40 million to go on and fail miserably in their earlier bid for elected office.

Then of course, there’s the notorious Planned Parenthood sting video which scandalized Fiorina so, but apparently no one else has seen  except Fiorina.  The resulting disingenuous waving away of Fiorina’s purposeful and repeated lying by the Carly Cheerleaders on the right doesn’t square with their sanctimonious denunciation of Planned Parenthood.

Fiorina has been caught as a liar-liar-pants on fire on the Left by The Nation, on the Right by Fox News and everywhere else in between. This freaking video she is speaking of does not fucking exist except in the mendacious mind of Carly Fiorina. Apparently, the Anti-Hillary’s lying-ass ways don’t deviate all that much from Hillary Clinton’s, but to the Carly Cheerleaders mendacity only matters when it’s by the other team.

Fiorina lied and caught telling a lie, she continues to lie even more. That’s a tap dance around the truth Richard Nixon would be proud of. It says a lot about the character of a presidential candidate when they can go on live television and tell a huge, stinking and proven lie her supporters defend weakly as simply not being “technically accurate to the highest degree,” as one Carly Cheerleader told me.

That’s a tap dance around the truth Bill Clinton would be proud of.

Fiorina’s frozen face turned to the camera, stared the American people in the  eye and lied to their face when she said “Watch a fully formed fetus on the table, its heart beating, its legs kicking while someone says, ‘We have to keep it alive to harvest its brain.’ ”

Fiorina deliberately lied and it has been repeatedly proven by various sources to be a lie.

Liar, liar, Carly’s on fire!

Fiorina can bash the media, blame the Left and pro-choicers, play the victim and say black is white and up is down. Telling a lie and then repeating it once it’s been proven to be a lie will never make it the truth.

If Fiorina’s brief bounce to second place in the Republican presidential polls was based on the one-two punch of jabbing Donald Trump and punching out Planned Parenthood, why isn’t she sharing these videos to vault into first place?

Fiorina is either badly mistaken in what she thought she saw in the Planned Parenthood sting videos or she’s deliberately lying about it. I opt for the second explanation.

Mostly though, I’ve had it up to here with vain egotists like Fiorina and Trump whose spectacular successes are matched and often exceeded by their equally spectacular failures and arrogantly believing this makes them presidential timber.

A decade ago the word was already out on what a dud Fiorina was. She solidified her status as one of the worst CEO’s in America long before her delusional fantasy she could fail up to become America’s next president.

Firing 30,000 people is not a sign of success. Making an unwise acquisition over the objections of the board which ends up decreasing the value of the company’s stock is not a sign of success. Being fired by that same board and never hired again as a CEO is not a sign of success.

Yet Fiorina has nimbly turned what should disqualify her from ever holding elected office into the raison d’être of her candidacy. Her ability to make lemonade without lemons is admirable, but after the way she flamed out before she cashed out in the business sector it’s clear Fiorina has no business in the public sector.

She failed as a CEO, failed as a candidate for the Senate and she will fail again.

I’d also suggest Fiorina back up off the Botox before her face permanently freezes in place.

Donald dealt it and Carly smelt it.

Snap Judgments from the 2nd GOP Debate (a.k.a. “Fear the Walking and Talking Dead”).

Now with 100% more Carly!

Now with 100% more Carly!

WINNERS WINNERS CHICKEN DINNER!

Marco Rubio:  (energetic and laid down some pretty good smackdowns on The Donald. Now what will he do with the spotlight?)
Carly Fiorina: (even better smackdowns of The Donald, but she’s running for a Cabinet position or another Senate bid)
Rand Paul: (probably too late to help much, but he joined in on The Donald Dogpile with enthusiasm.  Lindsay Graham and Piyush Jindal give you two thumbs up!)

I’M A LOSER, BABY SO WHY DON’T YOU KILL ME?

Ben Carson: (Hey! Doc! You’re right next to the front runner and you’re in second place in Iowa.   Kick his ass!  You think if she were in your place Carly wouldn’t? )
Jeb Bush: (Because he stayed awake better than the first debate, but he couldn’t have been much worse).

MEH.

John Kasich: (if you want to move up in the podium positioning Johnny-Boy, you gotta say something worth remembering besides you wouldn’t defund Planned Parenthood)
Donald Trump: (Ever see a team get a big lead on an over-matched opponent and keep running up the score?  That was Trump.  Punching on Paul’s poll numbers and looks is dumb).

WHY TRY HARDER?  OR TRY AT ALL?

Chris Christie: (STOP LYING ABOUT MY RECORD!    Aw shit.  That was me lying about my record!)
Scott Walker:  (Like cheese?  Like beer?  Visit Wisconsin.  We’ve got lots of both.  Why am I here again?  Oh yeah. To stop Kasich from taking my spot here)

DEAD RAT STUCK IN A PIPE.

Ted Cruz:  (So you were happy when George Bush selected John Roberts for the Supreme Court but now you’re mad he did?  First rule of politics, Ted: Never apologize and never explain Look how well that’s been working for The Donald, the shark to your pilot fish).
Mike Huckabee: (Is there a church somewhere with a need to hire a Bible-thumping, fire n’ brimstone preacher because this guy knows nothing about the U.S. Constitution).

WON SIMPLY BY NOT BEING THERE

Ronald Reagan:  Because he’s dead and didn’t have to watch these losers stumbling around on stage claiming to be St. Ronnie’s secret love child.

Say, why are we on our second Repubs debate before the Dems even have their first?  Isn’t it about time Hillary and Bernie and Marty all got together to spread the boredom around?  Since they both come from states without pro football teams, Lincoln Chafee and Jim Webb have nothing better to do this weekend.  Uncle Joe might even show up.  He’s always fun!

“My reason for not watching the GOP debate? Well, I’m dead, so there’s that…”

 

Adios, Mofo!

Rick Perry don’t give a truck.

What happens when a man finally figures out  he’s got nothing to lose by speaking his mind.    If you’re Rick Perry  you reach into your pants first to see if you’ve still got a pair.    Then you quit.   But not before you give that damn yankee Donald Trump a Texas-sized piece of your mind!

Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry suddenly announced he was suspending his presidential campaign Friday.

As he did so, he made it abundantly clear that he’s still not a fan of real-estate mogul Donald Trump, the Republican front-runner in the race with whom he has often feuded.

Speaking at an event in St. Louis, Missouri, Perry repeatedly jabbed at Trump’s campaign-trail controversies without using his name.

“Demeaning people of Hispanic heritage is not just ignorant, it betrays the example of Christ,” Perry said, according to his prepared remarks. “We can enforce our laws and our borders, and we can love all who live within our borders, without betraying our values.”

This was a reference to Trump’s heated rhetoric against illegal immigration, which spurred a nationwide controversy when the developer launched his campaign in June. Perry previously likened Trump’s immigration activism to the US’s 19th-century “Know Nothing” movement, which shunned Catholic immigrants from Ireland and Germany.

“It is time to elevate our debate from divisive name-calling, from soundbites without solutions, and start discussing how we will make the country better for all if a conservative is elected president,” Perry said Friday.

Perry also bashed “celebrity” presidential candidates during his exit speech.

“For me, the message has always been greater than the man,” he said in his prepared remarks. “The conservative movement has always been about principles, not personalities. Our nominee should embody those principles. He — or she — must make the case for the cause of conservatism more than the cause of their own celebrity.”

Absolutely right, Rick.  You won’t be the one making the case though.

For the moment, Perry jumping from the klown kar has zero impact on the race though his super PAC does have $17 million socked away,  so  Slick Rick could still sit back, chill, and see who the Last Man Standing (sorry, Carly!) and see where he wants to start scratching checks for.   Or against if it comes to that.

Unless your name is John Kasich, it hasn’t been a real great time for current or former Republican governors.   Jeb “the Smart One” Bush has been pushed back into the pack by Captain Combover, Gentle Ben Carson, and Carly “I Hate Hillary” Fiorina.   That leaves Mike “I Used To Be Fat” Huckabee,  who tries to stand out in a field of morons by being the most moronic.

How stupid is this asshole?  Huck the Shuck is so stupid he believes the U.S. Supreme Court’s infamous Dred Scott decision of 1857 which denied Blacks the rights to U.S. citizenship still remains the law of the land.  Which it would still be–had not the 14th Amendment been passed in 1868.

Would someone please adjust Moronic Mike’s sun dial 147 years forward?   Meanwhile Little Scotty Walker hasn’t impressed anyone in Iowa as he’s gone from leading the field in July at 18% to just another bottom feeder now at three percent.  Which still allows him to tell Chris (the 1 Percenter) Christie to “eat it, chubs!”   But cheer up, Chris!   Your fave team, the Dallas Cowpies are on Sunday Night Football and looking forward to again showing exactly how their limp dick cornerbacks made Odell Beckham, Jr. a Madden cover boy.

Which leaves one more Republican governor (no, not you George Pataki and Jim Gilmore.  Nobody knows you even exist), but I’m blanking on the name.  Robert sombody or Bob someone or Robbie someone…no, that’s not it….Piyush!  Piyush “What About Bobby?” Jindal!   Shit, I forgot all about that simp!  So has everybody else.

Piyush (2 percent with a bullet!) has been HAM on Captain Combover.  Just look at some of these bitch-slaps he’s thrown at the Big Don.

“It’s not ‘Piyush!’ It’s BOBBY, dammit!”

  • The Donald Trump Act is great, and the idea of Donald Trump is great — BUT the reality of Donald Trump is absurd, he’s a non-serious carnival act.
  • Donald Trump is shallow. Has no understanding of policy. He’s full of bluster but has no substance. He lacks the intellectual curiosity to even learn.
  • It’s silly to argue policy with this guy, he’s doesn’t know anything about it, he has no idea what he is talking about, he makes it all up on the fly. According to him his health care plan will be “fabulous” and his tax plan will be “really, really terrific.” He’s shallow, no substance.
  • Donald Trump is for Donald Trump. He believes in nothing other than himself.   He’s not a liberal, he’s not a moderate, and he’s not a conservative. He’s not a Republican, Democrat, or Independent. He’s not for anything or against anything. Issues and policies and ideals are not important to him. He’s for Donald.
  • Donald Trump is a narcissist and an egomaniac. That may sound like a serious charge to make, but it is also something that everyone knows to be true, and he knows it too, and he celebrates it. He told us the other day that he’s likes Kanye West, why? “Because Kanye loves Trump.” He may be an entertaining narcissist, but he is one nonetheless.
  • Like all narcissists, Donald Trump is insecure and weak, and afraid of being exposed. And that’s why he is constantly telling us how big and how rich and how great he is, and how insignificant everyone else is. We’ve all met people like Trump, and we know that only a very weak and small person needs to constantly tell us how strong and powerful he is. Donald Trump believes that he is the answer to every question.
  • Donald Trump is not a serious person. It’s all a solo act, it’s all just a show, and the joke is on us. He’s laughing all the way to the bank, or to the polling location. P.T. Barnum was never more right.
  • You may have recently seen that after Trump said the Bible is his favorite book, he couldn’t name a single Bible verse or passage that meant something to him.   And we all know why, because it’s all just a show, and he hasn’t ever read the Bible.   But you know why he hasn’t read the Bible? Because he’s not in it.

Well, hell, Piyush.  Don’t be shy.  Tell us what you really think.  You mad,  bro ’cause  Donnie dissed Carly Fiorina’s looks?  You gonna defend her honor?   Give ’em hell, Piyush!

“I think it’s pretty outrageous for him to be attacking anybody’s appearance when he looks like he’s got a squirrel sitting on his head. I think he should stop attacking other people’s appearances.”

BOOM!  Head Shot!     Not that Piyush’s intended target totally ignored the incoming salvo.   In his own inimitable style,   the front runner returned fire without naming names

Even on the 14th commemoration of the worst day in America’s history, Trump makes it all about him.  Stay classy, Donald.

Yeah, it’s amazing how hardcore these Republicans get when they’ve got to push Donny’s fat ass off of them and the only reason they get any attention paid is they have to tear Trump down to make themselves look big.   When you’ve  been running for president for months and all you’ve got to show for it is a seat at the kid’s table for the debates, you get desperate.

No juice makes losers brave.

“Sieg heil, y’all!”