One, We’re Done! Cowboys Choke (Again!)

The Cowgirls aren’t’ America’s team. America loves WINNERS!

Live by the lucky call.  Die by the unlucky call.

A week after benefiting from one of the worst blown calls in the history of the NFL, the Dallas Cowboys traveled to the not-quite-frozen, but pretty torn-up tundra of Lambeau Field to take on a noticeably hobbled Aaron Rogers and the Green Bay Packers.   This time Tony Romo didn’t throw the big interception at the worst time.   In fact, he threw a high one for loudmouthed but undeniably talented receiver Dez Bryant to go up…up…UP for and seemingly pull down over a flailing Packer defender to put Dallas on the one-yard line to put them in position to score the go-ahead TD.

That’s how it was supposed to play out.  What happened was Green Bay’s coach threw the challenge flag and the referee overturned the call.  Bryant didn’t have possession of the ball all the way to the ground.  Bad call?  So sad, too bad.  Ask The Detroit Lions what it feels like to get screwed by the zebras without lube.

Shed no tears for the Dallas Cowboys.  Actually, if you’re a fan,  you can shed all the tears as you want.  Me, I’m laughing my ass off because nothing is more fun in pro football than seeing Jerry’s Kids sent to the showers.  As a 49ers fan in the unfamiliar position of having nobody to root for in the playoffs, I’ll take pleasure in rooting against America’s  Republican Team.

He's fallen and he can't get up.

He’s fallen and he can’t get up.

It’s a good thing for the NFL the Cowboys are finally worth hating again.   It was getting old kicking around Jerry’s Kids when they were stinking like piss-soaked winos lying in the gutter.   It’s fun to hate the Cowgirls now they have finally returned to respectability.   All the sometime-fans pull their Dallas gear out of the back of the closet, squeeze into in and start screaming, “How ’bout them Cowboys?”

So what about them Cowgirls?

Bashing Jones as a swaggering douche is easy because he provides so many reasons to boo and hiss him.   Head coach Jason Garrett always has the confused look of a guy who can’t remember if he flushed the toilet after a particularly foul dump.   But Romo is the easiest target to take down.  In a decade as quarterback Romo has amassed an unimpressive 3-5 record in the playoffs with no Super Bowl appearances.   Romo is paid like an  elite quarterback without ever producing elite results , but I’m cool with it because Jerry Jones blowing his dough on a second-rater like Romo sits well with me because my two favorite teams are always the 49ers and whoever beats Dallas’ ass.

I’m like to say I’m sorry but I’m really not sorry at all for Jerry’s Kids..  Jones can go get some more Botox because there’s a few muscles in his face which aren’t completely frozen yet.  Drop Bryant back off at the daycare.   Garrett is a free agent who can go anywhere anyone wants to offer him a job.  Nobody will, so he’ll be back and the sucking will continue.   The biggest loser is Chris “Kool-Aid Man” Christie who came out as a Cowgirls guy (figures!) who may have had lap band surgery, but that dramatic weight loss hasn’t dramatically kicked in quite yet.

Am I bitter my 49ers didn’t make the playoffs, but the Cowgirls did?  Sure.  I’m not above being petty.  I have no shame in finding pleasure in the miseries visited upon Jones, Romo, Bryant, Garrett, Christie and the entire Cowgirl Nation.

I know I suck. I’ve ALWAYS sucked!

The fall of America’s Republican Team augers well for the NFL.   The worst case scenario would have been a Patriots vs. Cowboys Super Bowl (otherwise known as Hitler vs. Satan).   Half of our national nightmare has been averted.   If the Cowgirls return to the Super Bowl the terrorists win and who wants that?

Buh-bye!

Mitt Romney: Shut Up, Fool!

Don’t give this dope more chances to say dumb things.

There were other worthy candidates for the Shut Up, Fool! award.  Finding fools that say stupid things in a week’s time is not a problem.  It’s never a problem during election season.  The worst problem is there so much stupidity and so little space to call them all out.

Ohio Governor John Kasich made a strong play for the award.   Speaking at a rally for Mitt Romney he said, “It’s not easy to be a spouse of an elected official.  You know, they’re at home, doing the laundry and doing so many things while we’re up here on the stage getting a little bit of applause, right? They don’t often share in it. And it is hard for the spouse to hear the criticism and to put up with the travel schedule and to have to be at home taking care of the kids. And where is the politician? Out on the road.”

I feel for your wife, Governor.  Washing your Fruit of the Looms can’t be an easy task.  Mostly because you’re so full of shit.

Then there was Jay “Crybaby” Cutler, the quarterback of the Chicago Bears.   Prior to a Thursday night tilt against the Green Bay Packers, Cutler, basking in the afterglow of a Week One victory over the Indianapolis Colts, wished the Packers defensive backs “good luck” in trying to stop his new wide receivers, 6-5, 230 Brandon Marshall and 6-3, 214, Alshon Jeffrey.

The Packers harassed, hit and sacked Cutler seven times and when he wasn’t picking himself off the not yet frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, Cutler threw four interceptions and yelling at his offensive linemen.   Marshall caught two passes for a meaningless 24 yards, while dropping a certain touchdown pass in the end zone and Jeffrey added one reception for seven yards.

After the game Packers cornerback Tramon Williams said, “I don’t think we were doing anything to him. We were just having ‘good luck’ out there.”

When you flop as spectacularly as Cutler and the Bears flopped the odd of Cutler opening his trash-talking yap again this season should have dropped somewhere between zero and sub-zero.  They probably won’t though because on top of being a crybaby, Jay Cutler simply isn’t very smart.

But there’s no way to take the award away from Mitt Romney.   He worked for it, he earned it and nobody can deny him from it.   Not only was Mittens both stupid and wrong, he was malicious in his callous comments after the attacks on American embassies in the Middle East and the death of Ambassador Chris Stevens.

The reactions to Romney’s remarks were swift and savage.

I’ve said all I need to say how craven Romney is and how cruelly indifferent to the deaths of good people trying to do a tough job, he showed to the American people his unfitness for the office of the presidency.  This won’t cost Romeny the election, but it adds to the reasons to vote against him.  I leave the last word on this sorry display by a desperate politician to   former Republican congressman Joe Scarborough who said writing in Politico, ““And the lesson is clear: If we want to win the battle of ideas in the long term, we should be willing to face the fact that Mitt Romney is likely to lose — and should, given that he’s neither a true conservative nor a courageous moderate. He’s just an ambitious man.”

Mitt Romney certainly is ambitious.  He also needs to Shut Up, Fool! 

Stompin’ With Ndamukong Suh

Doin' the Suh Stomp (photo: Andrew Weber-US PRESSWIRE)

Ndamukong Suh is not a dumb jock by any stretch of the imagination.  The 6-4, 307 lb defensive tackle for the Detroit Lions is intelligent, articulate and likeable.

That’s off the field.  On the field, he’s a suitable candidate for anger management class as he rages and terrorizes NFL offensives with his combination of power, strength and ferocity.  Suh was also named “the dirtiest player in the NFL” in a survey of players.  Thanksgiving day, he lived up to the title when he first tried to push Green Bay Packers offensive lineman Evan Dietrich-Smith’s helmet into the Ford Field turf and then stomped on his head in a rage.

Even by pro football standards that act crossed the line from Suh being a mean guy into a crazy guy.  The NFL keeps getting increasingly wimpy as time goes by, but there’s still a place for mean guys.  Crazy guys are scary and no fun to be around because you don’t know who they are going to get crazy on next.

After the game Suh issued an “apology” that went over like soggy dressing and cold turkey.

“I apologize to my teammates and my fans and my coaches for putting myself in a position to be misinterpreted and taken out of the game,”  Suh snarled.

Misinterpreted?

No good, playa.  That reaction was entirely self-serving and totally untethered to the reality an audience in the millions watching on national TV saw with their own eyes.  Try again.

Suh is a violent man who plays the game violently.

“My reaction on Thursday was unacceptable,” the star defensive tackle said in a statement on his Facebook page Friday night. “I made a mistake, and have learned from it. I hope to direct the focus back to the task at hand—by winning.”

That’s a little better, but still not close to being good enough.  Suh failed to apologize to  Dietrich-Smith or anyone else.

Suh is one of the strongest players in the NFL and when his head is out of his ass and back on his broad shoulders, he’s possibly the best defensive tackle in the league.

But he is a dirty player.  He can’t help it that he was born too late to play when pro football was rougher and tougher than it is in Roger Goodell’s No Fun League.

In two seasons Suh has been fined nearly $50,000 (chicken feed) for hits and unsportsmanlike conduct on the field.  At his own request he met this month with Goodell to discuss how he could play within the rules and not get fined.  Obviously, whatever Goodell told Suh went right in one ear and out the other.

NBC football analyst, Rodney Harrison, who also was tagged with the “dirty player” rep says Suh should be fined heavily and suspended for two games.

“It’s up to the commissioner to step in and make an example out of this young man,” Harrison said,” “He’s got a $50 million contract, multiple commercial sponsorships, what’s $40,000, $50,000? Heck, I didn’t even make that type of money when I played and 10- or $15,000 didn’t bother me.

“Imagine the type of money he’s making, but the way to get his attention is you suspend him, you sit him on his butt for two games and I guarantee when he comes back he’ll be a different player.”

In the same game Suh’s teammate, Kyle Vanden Bosch sacked Packers QB Aaron Rodgers.  The hit was hard, but Vanden Bosch didn’t lead with his helmet or drive Rodgers into the turf.  He still got flagged for unnecessary roughness.

Later Rodgers was knocked down after releasing the ball and immediately looked up at the referee with a look that said, “where’s the flag?”   That’s what’s happening in the NFL now where superstar quarterbacks are pampered and protected.  The elite of the league,  Rodgers, Tom Brady and Drew Brees, receive special protection from the refs and woe any defensive player that so much on breathes on them let alone brushing them lightly without making sure there’s some fluffed up pillows under them to break their fall.

"Thank you sir, may I have another?"

Nobody knows how to tackle any more in the neutered NFL, but everybody knows you can’t tap dance on a dude’s dome like you’re trying to kill a cockroach.   So bye-bye, Ndamukong, because you’re about to be sent to the Time Out corner.

Suh will eventually be the best defensive player in the NFL.  First thing though he’s got to learn to get his temper in check and respect of the lame new world of the NFL and it’s one step removed from flag football rules.

One comment on the return of the NBA.  My FB friend Jemele Hill is asking now that the NBA lock-out is over who will be the league MVP and champions?   My answer is the MVP is Michael Jordan and the champions are The Owners. They slam-dunked the Players and the comedy team of Hunter and Fisher. His Airness and Unfairness should be measured and fitted for a seventh ring.

The NBA may be back but they can’t make me care.