R U Ready 4 Some Football? (The 49ers Aren’t)

Alex Smith: Back for another season of Suck.

The NFL lockout is over.  Too bad nobody told the San Francisco 49ers.

I don’t get stoked anymore by free agency.  It’s nice to bring in some sexy stud to make your team look pretty but after the sorry experience of watching Nate Clements punked by Roddy White on a regular basis, I’m glad he took his sorry butt elsewhere.  Unfortunately for me its only 100 miles from Cincinnati to Columbus, so I can smell the stench of him stinking up the Bengals all season long.  Oh, joy.

My bold pre-season prediction is the 49ers will circle the drain in 2011.   I pick them to finish last in the dead zone that is the NFC West.   The pricey wide receiver Michael Crabtree is already on the shelf (what a shock) with a foot injury and will miss his third consecutive pre-season in a three-year career., Gore is holding out for money he probably doesn’t deserve and Alex Smith is back as our starting QB and will be taking snaps from…errr…Eric Heitmann? (nope), David Baas?  (nope)…TONY WRAGGE!

Never mind who snaps him the damn ball, why in the name of all that’s unholy is the supreme El Busto that is Alex Smith back to prove for a fifth consecutive year he can not be a starting quarterback in the NFL?   How many pictures of Jed York and that sheep does Smith have anyway?  It has been proven beyond doubt the 49ers made one of the worst decisions in drafting history in 2005 when they selected Smith as the overall Number One pick over Aaron Rodgers.    Rodgers went on to run Brett Favre ancient ass out of Green Bay and won a Super Bowl.

Six years are forever in pro football and there isn’t another team in the league that has stuck with a quarterback who reeks of EPIC FAIL the way Smith does.  Even the Raiders finally declared JaMarcus Russell dead to them and after they cut his fat ass loose, nobody even brought him in a try-out.   You have to be totally incompetent as a football player to go from a top pick to completely worthless, but Russell did it.   Smith continues to hold on like an embedded tick.

What has Alex Smith ever done except make 49ers weep uncontrollably when they see a Joe Montana or Steve Young highlight on the NFL Network?

The defense will need a new nose tackle, free safety,  cornerback and inside linebacker along with the pass-rushing stud we still don’t have.   I’m starting to think a 7-9 season might be as good as it gets for this team and over .500 would be a gift from the gods.

Oh well, at least we got a new old kicker to replace the old retired kicker.

It’s been said the lockout would hurt teams like the 49ers more than most.  It hurts even more when the Bengals have made more moves than the 49ers.  Yes, they brought in a bust with Ohio State homey Clements, but they improved by canceling the Chad Ochocinco & Terrell Owens “Who’s The Bigger Asshole?”  Show, so garbage in, garbage out.

In life it is said there are people who watch what happens, people who make things happen and there’s the 49ers who get run over by the teams trying to actually put a competitive product on the field and lie there wondering what the hell just happened?

Looks like I picked the wrong time to start getting interested in the season.  The 49ers (ha-ha) brain trust seems to not have gotten the memo the lock out is over.  It’s okay to try to improve your team.

Turn on ESPN and watch the crawl at the bottom of the screen and you’ll see the difference between teams trying to get to the Super Bowl and the ones like the 49ers, Browns and Raiders who can’t get out of their own way.   The Philadelphia Eagles traded a quarterback who couldn’t beat out Mike Vick to Arizona for a starting cornerback and a second round draft pick, then turned around and signed the most coveted free agent available and added Cullen Jenkins, one of the best defensive tackles on the board.

Meanwhile, my older brothers team,  the Raiders,  have done almost nothing, my younger brother’s team, the Browns,  signed a few pieces of scrap and spare parts.  My Niners?  They signed an old kicker to replace the old kicker who just retired.

The NFL is a league where if you want to try to you make smart moves off the field you can reap the benefits on the field.   First things first.   You have to have an ownership and front office all in to win.   The 49ers no longer do.

It’s not even the losing that bothers me so much.  I don’t like it, but I’ve seen so much of over the past 17 years, I’m used to it.   It’s the not even bother to try that drives me nuts.  It  makes me wonder why, besides nostalgia, do I still consider myself a San Francisco 49ers fan?

Gimme some hope.   At this point I’m desperate enough to settle for window dressing.

Nostalgia only goes so far. It's time for results.

Dumb Jock of the Week: Michael Crabtree

If ego were money Crabtree would be a millionaire.

If ego were money Crabtree would be a millionaire.

When the San Francisco 49ers drafted Texas Tech wide receiver Michael Crabtree with the 1oth pick in the NFL Draft, the consensus was they were getting a pass catching machine.   From California to Columbus, every long-suffering member of the 49er Nation thought we were getting the best wide-out since Terrell Owens and Jerry Rice played in the crumbling stadium by the bay.

Instead of a perennial All-Pro it looks like we drafted a fucking idiot.

Crabtree is holding out of training camp because he hasn’t got his contract negotiated yet.   Fine.  Nobody’s got a gripe about a guy wanting to make sure he has his financial house in order before he puts on the pads.    NFL players have  short careers and that first contract with the signing bonus that comes with it is often their biggest payday and the only guaranteed money many will ever get.

Crabtree’s problem is he thinks he should be paid like a top five pick , instead of the tenth pick where he was picked.  His particular bitch is because in mock drafts he was expected to be the first received selected, but Al Davis and the Oakland Raiders chose Darrius Hayward-Bey at seven and Crabtree fell to the Niners instead. 

Now Crabtree is pissed.  His ego is telling him he deserves more than Hayward-Bey and like a dope, he’s believing it.

Some nobody named David Wells (identified as Crabtree’s cousin and “adviser”) told ESPN if Crabtree doesn’t get more money than Heyward-Bey he will sit out the entire season and re-enter the draft next year.  “We are prepared to do it,” Wells said. “Michael just wants fair market value. They took him with the 10th pick and you have Darrius Heyward-Bey getting $38 million? This week is crucial. Michael was one of the best players in the draft and he just wants to be paid like one of the best players. This week is very crucial.”

What’s crucial for Team Crabtree,  including his agent Eugene Parker (who denied Crabtree would hold out and try to re-enter the draft to be selected by another team) is to snap out of their mass delusion.  Instead of trying to play hardball with the Niners and demand a contract Crabtree doesn’t deserve, they need to face a few inconvenient truths.

The Mike and Mike Show has been delayed by the bay.

The debut of The Mike and Mike Show has been delayed by the bay.

The 49ers retain the exclusive rights to negoitate with Crabtree.  No other team would be able to speak with him, work him out or otherwise touch him with a ten-foot pole in fear of being accused of tampering.

Other NFL teams will come down on the 49ers like the wrath of God if they give in to one greedy agent and his diva client and pay a Top Ten pick like a Top Five.   If Crabtree is rewarded with millions more or equal to a higher pick, the already ridiculous rookie salary scale will run right off the rails.   Even as bungling and incompetent as the 49er front office are, they can’t give in to Crabtree and Parker’s absurd demands.

This isn’t the best time for Crabtree to pull this stunt.  For the first time in years, the Niners are well-stocked at wide receiver with Isaac Bruce who is aging but still productive, free agent acquistion Brandon Jones who is lighting up training camp, speedy Josh Morgan and Jason Hill, veteran Arnaz Battle  and the promising Dominque Ziegler.  

The team will probably keep five or six receivers.   As the first-round pick , Crabtree is guaranteed a roster spot, but missing a good chunk of training camp and the possiblity of the exhibiiton games means he’d be pretty much useless to the Niners this season.

A wide receiver is only as good as the play of the quarterback and nobody has confused the two incumbents, Alex Smith and Shaun Hill with Joe Montana and Steve Young.

But what Crabtree and Company really might want to think long and hard about is even if their screwball strategy works and they call the Niners bluff by sitting out the entire season to re-enter the 2010 NFL Draft, there’s no guarantee Crabtree will be picked any higher next year.

Every year the needs of NFL teams change.  What if nobody in the Top 10 needs a receiver who gives every indication of being a “me first” baller, a entitled, pampered spoiled brat who’s accomplished nothing in the pros, and who has previously flipped off one franchise that didn’t kiss his ass?   If Crabtree ended up the 15th pick in thenext  draft would he next demand Top 10 money?

At least Owens waited a few seasons before he turned into an insufferable, arrogant prick.  Crabtree seems to want to start off from the jump as a dick even before caught his first pass in the NFL. 

I’m tired of prima donna athletes who walk around thinking the world owes them something because they’re here.  Michael Crabtree can take his demands and shove it.   It’s been 15  years since the Niners were in a Super Bowl and they’re tied with the wretched Detroit Lions for the most losing seasons over the last six years.

The 49ers are perfectly capable of sucking without Michael Crabtree.   You can’t miss what you never had and thus far Crabtree hasn’t done a damn thing except prove how stupid and selfish he is.

Will MADDEN '10 be the only place Crabtree plays this season?

Will MADDEN '10 be the only place Crabtree plays this season?