Shut Up, Fool! The Miley Effing Cyrus Edition

Next stop: IMPLANTS!

I don’t know what shocks me more. That nearly everyone I know is talking about Miley Fucking Cyrus or that someone had the balls to ask me where was my blog post about Miley Fucking Cyrus.

Never let it be said I ignore my public.   Usually I do, but this is me making an exception.

We are truly in the dog-shit days of summer.

Personally, I don’t agree there was anything racist in Cyrus’ (ha-ha) “performance.” It was just an aged-out teen looking for a way to shock and awe the folks at home who have never ever never seen a young woman shake her naughty bits in such a lewd and lascivious fashion and probably fainted dead away at the sight of sweet and innocent Hannah Montana’s FLAT ASS all up in their face.

Racist? No. Nauseating? Definitely. Great publicity? Certainly.

Twerking is just a dumb way of dirty dancing. Go to a strip club and you’ll find strippers that have shaken their hind parts for years before Miley Fucking Cyrus learned about this mysterious Negro dance style. If being prim and demure were all it took to get over, Cyrus would do that. She tried that so now she’s sticking her tongue out, wiggling her non-butt, and desperately trying to hide her total absence of musical talent beyond Disney tunes.

Nobody has walked up to Miley Fucking Cyrus and told her she can’t dance that way. But somebody should because she looks like a hot-ass mess.

“We Can’t Stop?” TRY.

I long for the good ol’ days when old Madonna sticking her tongue down Brittney Spears‘ throat was considered outrageous.

Wait. No I don’t.

One looks good with butter and syrup on it. The other does not.

What’s lame is biting off a culture you don’t know shit about and then going on a video music award show on a channel that barely shows video music worthy of awarding and showing the entire world just how little talent you actually have.

Not to make this a racial thing (though it is), but from Negro spirituals to the blues to jazz to rock n’ roll to soul music to rap to hip-hop, Whites have always imitated, adapted or flat-out stolen from Black artists. Pat Boone is one of the most egregious offenders and few dispute his cultural thievery, but throw in Elvis, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Michael Bolton, Vanilla Ice among other musical thieves, and don’t stop until you get Miley Cyrus “twerking” her non-existent ass.

As long as there’s been American music and a Negro making it, there’s been a White person who’s figured out how to cash in on it. As Col. Tom Parker, Elvis’ manager observed, “If I could find a white man who had the Negro sound and the Negro feel, I could make a billion dollars.”

CHA-CHING!

But I’m gonna ease up off Miley Fucking Cyrus. She can’t sing. She can’t dance. She sure can’t twerk. About all she does do well is stick her tongue out. Ooooh. Lookit at me! I’m nasty! Don’t you think I’m nasty? Nasty girls stick their tongue out. Lookit! I’m doing it again! I am such a nasty girl. I’m not Hannah. I’m Miley and I’m NAAAASSSSSSSTY!

One rarely witnesses such a public act of self-humiliation. Poor thing. She needs to come back when she hits puberty because looking at what she calls a “body” and that poor girl got cheated.

We should cut Cyrus some slack for her overt lack of rhythm. And soul. And talent. But that thing with the tongue is working my last good nerve and if she keeps sticking it out somebody is going…well…somebody is gonna DO something to her and that dirty, nasty, bad, filth-flarn-filthy mouth of hers!

What I’m dreading is I know in a week or so, there’s gonna be a new exercise infomercial airing at 3:00 in the morning where some washed-up Z-list, “celebrity” will breathlessly claim to have lost 20 lbs not through sit-ups or diets, but by twerking!

“Hi! I’m Gary Busey, star of stage, screen, television and the L.A.P.D. drunk tank, and I lost 30 lbs of ugly fat by twerking! The hell with Zoomba. Let’s TWERK!”

At that point I will gouge out my eyes with a rusty spoon. I will be blind and it will all be Miley Fucking Cyrus’ fault.

By the way, don’t waste your time complaining to me, “Hey, you’re being sexist because you’re talking about her butt!”  Hey, I’m not the one who went out in public dressed like an undernourished hooker with two sore left feet.  Blame her, not me.  I didn’t dress her and apparently nobody else did either.

Hundreds died when Miley Twerked.

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Stupid Black Man of the Week: Kanye West (and it’s only Monday!)

Call the cops!  Kanye is mugging Taylor!

Call the cops! Kanye is mugging Taylor!

What the hell?

MTV plays music videos?  GET OUT!  When did that happen?

I want to believe what he have here is another one of MTV’s well-known stunts, but if it was Taylor Swift looked like nobody told her.

Kanye, I know you lost your mama last year and I’m sorry for your loss, but did you lose your damn mind too?   I mean, you got Eminem saying, “That boy ain’t right.”

Forget about manners.  Where’s your good sense?   You actually ran up on Taylor Swift, a White girl that does country music, jacked the mic and started babbling about Beyonce’s video was better?    Do you have any idea how many people LOVE country music and here you are bum-rushing itty-bitty Taylor Swift?

Brutha, are you HIGH?   Oh, wait…here we go.  Sorry.  I retract that question.

Is Kanye's problem in his right hand or his left?

Is Kanye's problem in his right hand or his left?

Either Kanye is drinking too much or he’s screwing too many tranny androids like Amber Rose.  Maybe it’s both.   This man is crying out for help.  Somebody needs to stage an intervention now.

Either way, he didn’t make any new friends by showing his bitchass at the VMA’s.   Hate me now or love me now, KW?  I think I’ll hate you now.  You,  Serena Williams and Joe Wilson ought to form a band called The Whiny Ass Crybabies.

Even Kelly Clarkson thinks you suck hard.  She dropped this on your head via her blog:

Dear Kanye,

What happened to you as a child?? Did you not get hugged enough?? Something must have happened to make you this way and I think we’re all just curious as to what would make a grown man go on national television and make a talented artist, let alone teenager, feel like shit. I mean, I’ve seen you do some pretty shitty things, but you just keep amazing me with your tactless, asshole ways. It’s absolutely fascinating how much I don’t like you. I like everyone. I even like my asshole ex that cheated on me over you…which is pretty odd since I don’t even personally know you. The best part of this evening is that you weren’t even up for THIS award and yet you still have a problem with the outcome. Is winning a moon man that much of a life goal?? You can have mine if it will shut you up. Is it that important, really??

I was actually nominated in the same category that Taylor won and I was excited for her…so why can’t you be?? I’m not even mad at you for being an asshole…I just pity you because you’re a sad human being.

On a side note, Beyonce has always been a class act and proved again tonight that she still is. Go TEXAS!!

Taylor Swift, you outsell him ….that’s why he’s bitter. You know I love your work! Keep it up girl!

KC :)

At least Kelly got her hate on through her blog.  Pink and Katy Perry just nuked Kanye’s ass via Twitter.

Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me.  ~ Pink

“FUCK U KANYE. IT’S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN.” –  Katy Perry

This woman could kick Kanyes ass with no problem.

This woman could kick Kanye's ass with no problem.

Damn.  You know you got it bad when girls want to kick your ass (and in the case of Pink versus Kanye, I’m taking Pink).

For a guy who made two good albums (The College Dropout, Late Registration) and two bad albums (Graduation, 808 & Heartbreak) he sure thinks a lot of his meager little accomplishments.

Kanye isn’t the type to listen to anybody, but what he should do if he were, he should kick Amber the Tranny to the curb, hook up with Serena and both of them can go into therapy and work on their lack of maturity issues.

Why a grown man would want to stomp on stage to spoil a teenager’s big MTV moment can’t be explained and won’t be forgiven?

Kanye and Serena were locked in a steel cage death match to determine which of their dumb-asses would be the Stupid Black Man or Stupid Black Woman of the Week.

Kanye is a punk but he knows what he’s doing. Serena is just an immature loser.

But they BOTH showed their behinds.

Kanye wins based on lifetime achievement.   He just tried harder.

When Kanye quipped, “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people,” he was speaking from his heart, not his brain.   He wasn’t all right about Bush, but in the way Bush handled the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, he wasn’t all wrong either.

Well, who’s the dick now?  Even Bush can laugh at Kanye West’s continuing gross acts of stupidity.

What’s funnier than a “music” channel that stopped playing music videos years ago giving away awards for music videos they don’t play?

Who really gives a shit about a VMA?

And since the awards don’t mean dick, what’s left except find something “outrageous” that happened completely and totally spontaneously and without warning like say Sasha Baron Cohen’s ass landing in front of Eminem’s mug at the MTV Movie Awards?

If he really wanted to freak America out Kanye would have bent Taylor Swift back and shoved his tongue down her throat.  This stuff is about as genuine as a porn star’s orgasm.   So is his “apology.”