Snap Judgments from the 2nd GOP Debate (a.k.a. “Fear the Walking and Talking Dead”).

Now with 100% more Carly!

Now with 100% more Carly!

WINNERS WINNERS CHICKEN DINNER!

Marco Rubio:  (energetic and laid down some pretty good smackdowns on The Donald. Now what will he do with the spotlight?)
Carly Fiorina: (even better smackdowns of The Donald, but she’s running for a Cabinet position or another Senate bid)
Rand Paul: (probably too late to help much, but he joined in on The Donald Dogpile with enthusiasm.  Lindsay Graham and Piyush Jindal give you two thumbs up!)

I’M A LOSER, BABY SO WHY DON’T YOU KILL ME?

Ben Carson: (Hey! Doc! You’re right next to the front runner and you’re in second place in Iowa.   Kick his ass!  You think if she were in your place Carly wouldn’t? )
Jeb Bush: (Because he stayed awake better than the first debate, but he couldn’t have been much worse).

MEH.

John Kasich: (if you want to move up in the podium positioning Johnny-Boy, you gotta say something worth remembering besides you wouldn’t defund Planned Parenthood)
Donald Trump: (Ever see a team get a big lead on an over-matched opponent and keep running up the score?  That was Trump.  Punching on Paul’s poll numbers and looks is dumb).

WHY TRY HARDER?  OR TRY AT ALL?

Chris Christie: (STOP LYING ABOUT MY RECORD!    Aw shit.  That was me lying about my record!)
Scott Walker:  (Like cheese?  Like beer?  Visit Wisconsin.  We’ve got lots of both.  Why am I here again?  Oh yeah. To stop Kasich from taking my spot here)

DEAD RAT STUCK IN A PIPE.

Ted Cruz:  (So you were happy when George Bush selected John Roberts for the Supreme Court but now you’re mad he did?  First rule of politics, Ted: Never apologize and never explain Look how well that’s been working for The Donald, the shark to your pilot fish).
Mike Huckabee: (Is there a church somewhere with a need to hire a Bible-thumping, fire n’ brimstone preacher because this guy knows nothing about the U.S. Constitution).

WON SIMPLY BY NOT BEING THERE

Ronald Reagan:  Because he’s dead and didn’t have to watch these losers stumbling around on stage claiming to be St. Ronnie’s secret love child.

Say, why are we on our second Repubs debate before the Dems even have their first?  Isn’t it about time Hillary and Bernie and Marty all got together to spread the boredom around?  Since they both come from states without pro football teams, Lincoln Chafee and Jim Webb have nothing better to do this weekend.  Uncle Joe might even show up.  He’s always fun!

“My reason for not watching the GOP debate? Well, I’m dead, so there’s that…”

 

Sarah Palin’s Smarter Brother

Dumb Ass and Even Dumber Ass

The greatest thing about America is how it allows absolutely terrible people to run for president.  With Terrible Ted Cruz announcing he wants to be the Most Powerful Man in the Free World, the GOP Clown Car finally has a driver with more morons soon to follow.

Ted Cruz is a natural for the presidency.  A natural asshole.  Being the most unliked dick in Washington is not a positive character trait.

Where’s this “deep bench” of candidates the Republicans keep bragging about? Looks more like a bunch of bench-warmers. A lot of guys want to run for president, but who’s the one who can actually beat Hillary Clinton? What difference does the choice of a lot of boring-ass White guys (and a Black guy who thinks like a boring-ass White guy) matter if the choices are all bad ones?

Having more bad choices than the Democrats have is nothing for Republicans to brag about. If Jeb Bush can’t outrun zombies like Cruz, Carson, and Huckabee to the party nomination, he’s got no business getting anywhere near Hillary. She’ll eviscerate him.

I don’t think much of RNC Chairman Reince Preibus, but I don’t think he’s stupid just because his name is.  Preibus knows he has to allow the illusion the nomination process is fair and open to all, but he’s not about to let the party sink like a stone with Captain Cruz guiding the GOP ship into an iceberg. The party bosses want the White House back and they know it takes a Bush or a Scott Walker or somebody else who isn’t frothing at the mouth to get it for them.

Hey, Canada is closer than Hawaii, right?

Cruz will not be the next President of the United States.  His path to winning is rally all the far-right (and White) conservatives to his side and the rest of the Republicans will fall in line to beat down Hillary.   ALL the conservatives will never side with ANY Republican candidate. Not even and especially not St. Ronald the Reagan who would be denounced by cretins like Cruz as a squishy RINO due to his willingness to work with Democrats.

Ted Cruz is unelectable.

Appealing exclusively to your base is not a broad-based strategy to win the presidency. Cruz is a seeker of confrontation, not compromise and while that plays well with the faithful, it’s a huge turn-off to everyone else.

Cruz’s values and priorities are too narrow (and scary!) to appeal to all but the most ideologically pure. Even other Republicans can’t stand the guy.

Running to the far Right of American political thought is not a strategy destined to succeed.  It’s only red meat to the fringes and is not a path to 270 electoral votes and without a winning strategy Cruz is simply another vanity candidate running for the ego stroke and the cheap publicity.

Let’s look forward to his appearance at the Republican debates where the other candidates will stand there rolling their eyes and clenching their fists as Cruz sneeringly dismisses the lot of them as fake-ass conservatives.   It’ll be fun to watch a Rick Perry or Mike Huckabee playing rock-paper-scissors for the right to kick Cruz’s ass.

A polarizing prima donna like Cruz whose only ideology is “If Obama’s for it, I’m against it” lacks a coherent strategy to bring together all the multiple factions of the GOP together. There are other more electable and less egotistical alternatives to Cruz, the Miley Cyrus of politics.

Cruz says the U.S. Senate needs 100 members just like the racist, sexist, homophobic, bigoted asshole Jesse Helms, and that’s not hyperbole, that’s an easily established fact.

The last thing American politics needs are any more Jesse Helms and the same goes for the American presidency.  Especially, not the Canadian-born idiot son of a Cuban immigrant.

Disqualified,

The Republicans Hate Slavery But Sure Love Talking About Slavery

“If I’m so stupid how come I’m richer than you schmucks?”

What in the hell is up with Republicans and their obsession for making these utterly inept and inane comparisons between slavery and anything else? Is this some new fetish with you guys or what?

Sarah “Pay Me!” Palin: Our free stuff today is being paid for by taking money from our children and borrowing from China,” she said at the Iowa Faith & Freedom Coalition’s fall fundraiser at the State Fairgrounds Saturday night. “When that money comes due—and this isn’t racist, but it’ll be like slavery when that note is due. We are going to beholden to the foreign master.”

“Woo hoo! There’s nekked wimmen on the Internets!”

Rand “This Really Is My Hair” Paul: “With regard to the idea of whether you have a right to healthcare, you have to realize what that implies. It’s not an abstraction. I’m a physician. That means you have a right to come to my house and conscript me,” Paul said recently in a Senate subcommittee hearing.

“It means you believe in slavery. It means that you’re going to enslave not only me, but the janitor at my hospital, the person who cleans my office, the assistants who work in my office, the nurses.”

There’s a joke here, but Allen West’s parents made it a long time ago.


One-and-Done Loser Congressman
Allen West: “He [Obama] does not want you to have the self-esteem of getting up and earning, and having that title of American. He’d rather you be his slave.”

Gifted hands. Brain dead mind.


Sean Hannity bestie Dr. Ben Carson:
“You know Obamacare is really I think the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery,” Carson, who is African American, said Friday in remarks at the Values Voter Summit in Washington. “And it is in a way, it is slavery in a way, because it is making all of us subservient to the government, and it was never about health care. It was about control.”

“You been hymotized!”

Repeat Offender Michelle “Batshit-Crazy” Bachmann: Health Reform: In a 2009 speech in Colorado, Bachmann railed against healthcare reform. “What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass.” Claiming that many Americans already pay half their income to taxes, she said, “This is slavery…It’s nothing more than slavery.

National Debt: In January, Bachmann offered her now infamous take on American colonial history in which she declared that the Founding Fathers “worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.” Bachmann then framed her speech as an argument against the “slavery” of the national debt. “It is a slavery, it is a slavery that is a bondage to debt and a bondage to decline,” she said. “It is a subservience of a sovereign people to a failed, self-selected elite.”

In 2011, Batshit Bachmann and Rick “Foamy” Santorum were the two GOP presidential contenders to sign a pledge against same-sex marriage which included a passage that stated Black families were better off under slavery.

“Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA‘s first African-American President.”

That’s okay, Rick. Nobody is taking you seriously.

Governor Goodhair Rick Perry: “I think we’re going through those difficult economic times for a purpose, to bring us back to those Biblical principles of … not spending all of our money, not asking for Pharaoh to give everything to everybody and to take care of folks, because at the end of the day, it’s slavery. And we become slaves to government.”

Extra Super Fun Fact: Perry’s family hunting camp was known as “Niggerhead” ranch.

Nevada Assemblyman Jim Wheeler: A Nevada assemblyman said he would vote in favor of legislation allowing for slavery if it was something his constituents wanted him to do.

Jim Wheeler, a Republican from Gardnerville, was talking to a crowd of Storey County Republicans in August he when said “yeah I would” vote for slavery if that’s what his constituents wanted.

If that’s what they wanted, I’d have to hold my nose, I’d have to bite my tongue and they’d probably have to hold a gun to my head, but yeah, if that’s what the citizens of the, if that’s what the constituency wants that elected me, that’s what they elected me for,” he said. “That’s what a republic is about. You elected a person for your district to do your wants and wishes, not the wants and wishes of a special interest, not his own wants and wishes, yours.”

Debated Sarah Palin. Was only the second dumbest person on the stage.

Fair and Balanced equal time inclusion from Joe “I Say Whatever Crazy Think I Think” Biden: Look at what they [Republicans] value, and look at their budget. And look what they’re proposing. [Romney] said in the first 100 days, he’s going to let the big banks write their own rules — unchain Wall Street,” Biden said a rally in Danville, Va. “They’re going to put y’all back in chains.”

Chattel slavery was an absolute evil and as practiced in the United States it became a monstrous abomination. All these cheap politicians and cheaper talking heads are not only engaging in racially insensitive and tone-deaf metaphors with their banal slavery comparisons, they are exhibiting lazy thinking to the extent they think at all.

Republicans in particular should know better. One of their own, Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, an accomplishment his fellow Grand Old Party comrades point to with chest-puffing pride when they come in from criticism for their racial views.

It’s doubtful Abe would be down for the casual way Republicans throw the word “slavery” around today. After all, he is the guy who said, “Whenever I hear any one arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.”

Me too, and it’s a little early, but how about a remake of 12 Years A Slave starring Palin, Perry, Bachmann, Paul, Carson, West and Wheeler? As the slaves.

Abraham Lincoln: Republican Slayer

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Paul Ryan Throws Out Race Bait. Catches Himself Looking Racist.

A race hustler gets caught hustling race.

Paul Ryan, former Republican vice-president candidate and notorious Ayn Rand denier had some interesting thoughts on the problem of poverty.

He probably should have kept them to himself.

At a town hall meeting in Racine, WI on Wednesday, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) was confronted by a black constituent about his remarks disparaging lazy “inner city” men as a drain on the economy.

Think Progress reported that 61-year-old Alfonso Gardner of Racine asked the erstwhile vice presidential candidate exactly what he meant when he said “we have got this tailspin of culture in our inner cities in particular of men not working, and just generations of men not even thinking about working and learning the value and culture of work.”

“You said what you meant,” said Gardner to Ryan during the question and answer section of his appearance. When Ryan said “inner city,” Gardner contended, it was “a code word for black.”

Ryan acted offended that Gardner brought race into the discussion, saying, “There is nothing whatsoever about race in my comments at all.”

Gardner was overreacting, he said, “I think when we throw these charges [of racism] around, it should be based on something.”

Think Progress’ Scott Keyes spoke to Gardner after the event, who said, “He’s out here shucking and jiving. He’s been in Congress eight terms and just now talking about poverty?”

The go-to guide for the sophisticated bigot.

The go-to guide for the sophisticated bigot.

Furthermore, when Ryan made his remarks on Bill Bennett’s AM radio talk show “Morning in America,” he referenced white supremacist writer Charles Murray, who the Southern Poverty Law Center said uses “racist pseudoscience and misleading statistics to argue that social inequality is caused by the genetic inferiority” of African-Americans.

Maybe Ryan actually has a genuine interest in bettering the plight of those generations of inner city males who aren’t working.

Maybe.

More likely Ryan is blowing a particularly high-pitched dog whistle where the problem of inner city Black men not working is based on the fact they’re Black men living in the inner city.

I’d be more inclined to get Cryin’ Ryan the benefit of the doubt if he wasn’t referring to theories of a slob like Charles Murray, the living half of the two twits who wrote the spectacularly racist The Bell Curve and he wasn’t running this smack on a radio show hosted by Bill Bennett, a former Secretary of Education who once told a caller, “I do know that it’s true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could — if that were your sole purpose — you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down.”

If Paul Ryan gave a shit about the serious issues of Black men and the conditions they face in the inner city, he’d get off his dead ass and support some legislation that might put people to work like the president’s American Jobs Act that has languished in Congress since 2011.

But Ryan doesn’t give a shit. He’s another smart-ass White guy who wants to talk Black problems to death with bullshit analysis, hang-wringing sob stories and not a goddamn bit of action. I am SO tired of these opportunistic jackholes like Ryan who riff on subjects they know nothing about and care even less and think referencing a racist like Murray gives them some clout and we should pay attention to them.

NO. We shouldn’t.

Ryan is a man going places in American politics and much like Sen. Rand Paul who has made some encouraging noises in talking about race. At least for a prominent Republican even if Paul falls Whitesplaining the same awkward way Ryan does.

Nobody needs to tell a Black male what’s broken. I’ve heard all that in barbershop conversations for over five decades now.   All  I want to hear from Ryan is what’s the plan to fix it?   Beware when a right-winger who’s never spoken about poverty or race before starts talking about it.  Odds are he’s only spreading verbal fertilizer.

Ryan isn’t going to do anything about the problems of “inner city” men.  He just likes talking about it because it makes him seem sincere and really cares when we know he really doesn’t.  My advice to Ryan is to take the advice of another Republican, Frederick Douglass who had some thoughts himself about what should be done about those Black people problems.

Everybody has asked the question…”What shall we do with the Negro?” I have had but one answer from the beginning. Do nothing with us! Your doing with us has already played the mischief with us. Do nothing with us!

A path to stupidity is what this doofus wants to put the country on.

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CPAC 2014: Empty Rooms, Emptier Rhetoric.

This room is actually full.  Everyone came dressed as empty chairs.

This room is actually full. Everyone came dressed as empty chairs.

Last week’s Conservative Political Action Convention (CPAC) was the annual gathering of the tribes of Right-Wing Nation.   Everybody who’s anybody in that crowd was there if they were on the good side of the event’s organizers.  Anybody  on their bad side wasn’t invited.

Apparently Blacks are on CPAC’s bad side.  The 2012 election results revealed the grim truth that the Republican Party has become an old, male, White and Southern vessel, much ado was made about how more had to be done to make outreach to those Blacks, Latinos, Asians and other people of color whom don’t find the Grand Old Party one they feel welcomed to be part of.   With that backdrop, CPAC conducted a minority outreach panel discussion.

The problem was there weren’t many minorities in attendance.   Or anybody else either.

The panel’s theme was GOP outreach to minority communities and the panelists were Virginia Senate candidate Ed Gillespie and three Black political strategists: Jason Roe, Elroy Sailor, and Robert Woodson.   All benchwarmers and nobodies.

None of the Black conservative All-Stars were there.  Ben Carson and Allen West would have showed up but couldn’t take a break from the shoe shine stand.   Mia Love was watching some White woman’s kids.  David Webb was parking cars.  Tim Scott was bussing tables and Artur Davis was frying chicken.  Herman Cain and Crystal Wright couldn’t get off their day jobs at McDonald’s. Those burgers ain’t gonna flip themselves!

Conservatives don’t have a diversity problem.  They don’t even believe in diversity.  They believe they have a messaging problem.  They have a lack of Blacks who think as they do and can carry their message back to other Blacks.   An auditorium of row after empty row of chairs may look embarrassing to those outside of CPAC, to those inside CPAC, it’s not embarrassing at all.  Opening their arms to invite more people of color in sounds nice in theory, but as a priority it isn’t one.

For years Carson, West, Cain and their ilk have yammering like kindergarten kids cranked up on too much sugar in their cherry Kool-Aid how Blacks are taken for granted by Democrats.  How Blacks are played for suckers by Democrats.  How Democrats treat Black like slaves and keep them on their plantation.

“No, I don’t want Dr. Carson as a running mate. I’M a doctor!”

Here was an opportunity to show 30 million African-Americans what the conservative alternative is and they LITERALLY COULD NOT BE BOTHERED TO SHOW UP!   Outside of the Republican National Convention, CPAC is the biggest gathering of American conservatives and if they don’t care how old, how White and how unrepresentative of the country their movement is people of color won’t either.

A word about Dr. Ben Carson placing third in the CPAC presidential straw poll behind Senators Rand Paul and Ted Cruz.  Big deal.   Carson is the current Great Black Hope of the White Right with some fantasizing he would be a Hillary stopper as he could dent her percentage of the African-American vote.

That’s a fantasy shattered by the reality that Carson would have to step out of his CPAC/Fox News comfort zone and actually face skeptical audiences unimpressed by his vagueness and real journalists who won’t pitch him slow rollers across the plate.   If “lack of experience” is a rap Republicans have hung around Barack Obama’s neck,  he looks like a Washington lifer compared to the callow Carson who has never run for any elected office, never served in a presidential administration and doesn’t seem to have any policy positions.  Even Horny Herman Cain was more qualified.

Carson is the featured Flavor of the Month.  He soaks up the adulation of the White Right like cornbread does gravy, but like cornbread, he’ll crumble under the pressure of an actual presidential campaign.

Right-Wing Flavor of the Month (photo credit: T.J. Kilpatrick/Getty Images)

Right-Wing Flavor of the Month (photo credit: T.J. Kilpatrick/Getty Images)

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Chris Christie and the Irresistible Appeal of “Shiny Toys.”

“Mean? I’m not mean. I’m HUNGRY!”

If you play fantasy football, you have to be cautious of what I call “The Shiny Toy Theory.” Show a baby a shiny toy and they become hypnotized by the sight of it.  In fantasy football, there are players that get hot for a week or two and put up impressive numbers.  Everyone wants to pick them up because they are pretty and shiny.

Most of these players aren’t built to last. They are teasers, not pleasers. Showers, not growers.

Enter Chris Christie.   This week’s Designated Savior of the Republican Party and one of the media’s favorite shiny toy.

The Republican bench of potential candidates for 2016 is long, eager and many are rabid red-meat right-wingers whom refuse to compromise, negotiate or acknowledge political realities.   This plays well with the base of the party.   It scares the hell out of the general electorate in a presidential election.

Christie is one of those guys who went from obscurity to popularity and never stopped at humility.   He should enjoy his time riding high in the news cycle.   It won’t last because it never does.   Another shinier and prettier toy will come along and the media and the public will trot along behind it like puppies.

In politics destiny is occasionally confused with inevitably.   New Jersey has been the nexus of this phenomenon of late when two separate, but important events occurred.   Cory Booker went from the ambitious and nationally popular mayor of Newark to the first African-American to win a Senate seat in a state election since another ambitious African-American named Barack Obama did the same in 2006.  We all know where his ambitions took him and have no doubt Booker will eventually try to follow Obama’s career arc.

“Cory, just because I made you ride in the back of my helicopter is no reason to get mad.”

But that’s further in the future.  Here and now the other notable event was the Garden State’s incumbent governor, Chris Christie, easily won reelection in a race he was supposed to win in a Democratic state that admires his rough-around-the-edges Republicanism.  What made the victory notable to the self-styled seers and wise men sifting the tea leaves for the 2016 presidential race is how the governor cobbled together enough votes from traditionally Democratic supporters for a fawning national media to dub Christie the man  to rescue a party that seems to have forgotten how to win national elections.

It’s too early to tell, but he appears to have the makings of such a politician. It isn’t just that his four-year record of incumbency netted him a reelection margin of 60.4 percent compared to just 38.1 percent for his Democratic opponent, although that suggests that he is capable of generating considerable political force. More significant is his performance among particular voter categories. Women gave him a 15 percentage-point advantage over his female rival. People who identified themselves as moderates gave him a 21-point advantage. Independent voters turned to him by a 31-point margin. Even 30 percent of self-described liberals backed him. Meanwhile, he took half of the Hispanic vote and more than 20 percent of the African-American vote.

If  Christie could be elected by the slobbering mainstream media, he’d be the next POTUS.  Unfortunately for him, he’s gonna have to go stand in some Iowa cornfield in about two years and try to explain to some skeptical farmer chewing tobacco and spitting it out why he should support him over a true believer like Ted Cruz or Rand Paul.

Without a doubt it was a big win for the big man, but Chrstie’s triumph looks even more impressive in comparison to Tea Party poster boy and right-wing radical Ken Cuccinelli’s humbling defeat in Virginia to Terry McAuliffe, a Bill Clinton insider.

Christie’s appeal lies in when compared to the right-wing extremism of Rand Paul and Ted Cruz and the “oh no, not another one” stink all over Jeb Bush, he benefits by being the least terrible choice.  For the GOP insiders, while they may grumble over Christie literally embracing President Obama, they can’t deny his popularity and the possibility his gruff, take-no-stuff persona may play well nationally.

What won’t play well is Christie’s imperious and often rude attacks on teachers, labor unions, journalists and other Republicans who cross him.  The GOP base won’t care about dissing those first three groups, but if Christie hopes to win the nomination he can’t treat the rest of the Republican field like bleeping idiots even if they are bleeping idiots.

I’m trying to imagine Christie in a debate with Paul, Cruz, Marco Rubio, Paul Ryan and whomever shows up all slicing and dicing into him and getting redder and madder as he struggles to hold his volcanic anger in check.   I don’t think he can for an entire campaign without at least one major eruption of Mt. Chris Christie.

Americans like tough guys, but they don’t like mean guys and Christie can be very mean.   That’s a liability and he’ll have to learn how to temper his noted temper.

Christie is not a secret liberal fantasy.   He’s a solidly mainstream Republican who has some moderate positions because he’s a governor in a pretty blue/Democratic state.   That will serve Christie well in a general election, but can he even get out of the Republican primaries when everyone from Cruz to Paul to Marco Rubio and the rest are going to be aiming for that target on his double-wide butt?

It’s not a lock Christie even gets the nomination despite the fact many of the traditional Republicans will hold their nose and support him despite not being ideologically “pure.”

Christie would be a moderate but only more moderate in comparison than Cruz, Paul or Rubio (but not that much more).    Christie’s lap-band surgery isn’t about slimming down but to take off the table the lingering question of whether Americans wants an obese president, but  until the pounds melt away, Christie will still offer plenty of room for his admirers and critics to ride his butt all the way to 2016.

Nice podium, Barack. Mind if I keep it?

Johnny Mac: Shadow President

“I’m Johnny Mac, and those media hos love me.”

Hear that creaking sound?   That was John McCain finding his spine again.

Just before the Republican Kamikazes went over the edge with their mad scheme to kill off Obamacare,  McCain took to the floor of the U.S. Senate to tell off the titular leader of the Kamikazes,  Senator Wacko Bird,  The Asshole Previously Known As Ted Cruz) just how doggone mad he was about the government shutdown dragging into the second week and cutting off military benefits.

“Somehow, to think that we are going to repeal Obamacare, which would have required 67 Republican votes, of course, was a false premise, and I think did the American people a great disservice by convincing them that somehow we could.”

McCain never mentioned Cruz by name.  He didn’t have to.  Everyone knew who Johnny Mac was ripping a new hole for.  The rules of Senate decorum prevented McCain for calling off Cruz for his suicidal strategy.    In a profile of Senator Wacko Bird for GQ magazine, an aide to McCain was less circumspect of how his boss felt about Cruz.

“He fucking hates Cruz,” an adviser of the Arizona senator said. “He’s just offended by his style.

Fight! Fight! Fight!  Cruz is riding high on Johnny Mac’s shit list and of course he was absolutely right how utterly doomed to failure the shutdown was and how badly Republicans would be scarred from the shrapnel when it all blew up in their faces.

The Washington press corps loves John McCain.  If he were a woman they would cheat on their wives to be with him.  As it is, they blow him wet kisses every time he talks tough.  It sends a chill down their spine and they squeal like little girls.

There is no good reason for this.

For all his vanity, McCain has no more power than any of the other 99 Senators.   He is not a part of the senior Senate leadership.  His vote counts for no more than any other Senator,  but that hasn’t stopped him from assuming the position of “The Senator of Senators,” first among equals.

Johnny Mac. Ordinary regular guy. Likes dogs.

Predictably the mainstream media felt a tingle go up their legs.  At last!  The return of the Reasonable Republican.  Someone “moderate” to talk sense to a Grand Old Party body-snatched by the Tea Party.   Those guys aren’t just angry.  They’re mean.   Not like Johnny Mac.The Maverick is back!

Oh, if only we had elected THIS guy instead of the smooth talker.

Professional loudmouth Chris Matthews once admitted, “The press loves McCain. We’re his base” and the hero-worship of the Washington media confirms this.  He is their favorite Republican   Matthews was raked over the coals for fawning over Barack Obama in 2008 for his infamous “tingle up my leg” quip, but he also said about McCain that he “deserved the presidency.” 

McCain bitch slapping a cocky blowhard like Cruz absolutely delights Matthews and the rest of the punditocracy.    Since losing to Obama, this version of McCain hasn’t been seen much lately.  Where has this John McCain been?

Oh, let’s see.  Losing a presidential election.  Inflicting the unparalleled idiocy of the mentally challenged Sarah Palin on the country, running for reelection by taking far-right stances and then promptly casting them aside, offered lukewarm support for Mitt Romney despite despising him almost as much as he does President Obama, agitating for war against Iran, Libya, and Syria, losing his shit over Benghazi, led the lynch mob to block Susan Rice’s nomination to be Secretary of State, fought the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, opposed withdrawal from Iraq and Afghanistan,  permitted David Gregory to give him lap dances during his weekly appearances on “Meet the Press”, blasted Obama’s every foreign policy initiative, stabbed his old buddy and colleague Chuck Hagel in the back as he opposed his nomination for Secretary of Defense, got into grumpy old man fights with those Rand Paul and Ted Cruz whippersnappers and pouted.

LOTS of pouting.

When the books about the Great Shutdown of 2013 is written,  Johnny Mac will be a minor figure, not a major player, but not to hear him tell it.  Siddown, ya little bastards and your old Grandpa Johnny Mac is gonna tell ya a story how I reopened the whole damn federal government all by myself when that smart-ass Harvard professor in the White House couldn’t do it!    Certainly he got more face time and high praise than his deeds deserved,  but what did McCain DO?   He didn’t negotiate the reopening of the government.   Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell did that.  He certainly didn’t influence the House of Representatives to do anything.   What do those nuts care about the senior Senator from Arizona and what he thinks about anything?

While Johnny Mac may think he is the Shadow President of the United States, all is just one of 100 Senators, with no more power than any other but more ego than all of them put together.

Give him credit for being the principled Republican willing to take on his party’s extreme wing, but Congressman Peter King has gone even further and called out Cruz directly and he doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere as much credit as McCain.

Any credit coming to Johnny Mac is taken away by his former running mate, Sarah Palin, standing side-by-side with Cruz, not McCain.  If for nothing else,  Johnny Mac will never live that one down.

“Uck. Did that come out of ME?”

Cancel The Ted Cruz Show!

“You want me to stick this microphone WHERE?”

This was the week the new fall season of television got underway. Did you catch The Ted Cruz Show this week?

Limited production values.  Lousy acting.  Boring script.  If there ever was a program that deserved cancellation before the debut, Senator Cruz’s phony filibuster to defund Obamacare was definitely it.

Terrible Ted hopes he call bullshit the American people into believing he has the votes to repeal President Obama signature domestic accomplishment (he doesn’t) and that he isn’t operating out of craven calculation and cynically pandering to the GOP wing-nuts in hopes of winning the Republican presidential nomination in 2016 (he won’t).

What makes me sick is how some purer-than-thou liberals actually sided with Cruz when he came out against bombing Syria in retaliation for Bashir al-Assad using chemical weapons against civilians.   All of sudden Cruz was being called “principled.”  That’s what I can’t stand about some liberals is how they will deep French kiss their worst enemies if they happen to agree with them on something.

If Cruz endorsed motherhood, the flag and apple pie, I’d be opposed to all three. I don’t want to on the same side as Cruz on anything.   I can’t believe a principled liberal like a Paul Wellstone, Howard Metzenbaum or Ted Kennedy would crawl in bed with a rattlesnake like Cruz and expect him not to bite, but such is the sorry state of contemporary liberalism.

Normally, there would be an issue or two where I could find common ground with Cruz, but my distaste for the smug bastard makes it impossible for me to even WANT to find common ground.

The TED talk by Cruz lasted 21 hours and 19 minutes.   He talked about how terrible/awful/no good Obamacare was.  He said most senators have bad haircuts and wear cheap suits.  He professed his fondness for White Castle hamburgers.  He read from Dr. Seuss’ “Green Eggs and Ham.”

Showing my age here, but I remember when the Senate was once dubbed “the World’s Greatest Deliberative Body.”   Reading Dr. Seuss does not seem to rise to that level of debate  Cruz missed the point of the story.  By the end , the protagonist ends up liking green eggs and ham.   Does that mean Cruz really likes Obamacare?

When his time expired the Senate voted 100-0 to move to consider the legislation from the House to keep the government open and paying its bills with Democrats vowing to strip the defunding poison pill out of it.

That’s right. One hundred to zip. When he was through showing off and wee-weeing in his Depends, Cruz voted to go ahead and proceed with the legislation he claimed he’d talk about until he dropped.

Which only made this particular bit of political theater more of a pointless farce than it already was. The only purpose it accomplished was to give a first-term, junior Senator a spotlight.   Cruz delights in being abrasive and pushing his mug into every passing camera even if it means he doesn’t actually get much done in the Senate.

Mission accomplished.

The Cat in the Hat responds to Senator Cruz invoking “green eggs and ham.”

The Cruz style of politics as a contact sport is where you piss into a glass, toss in an ice cube, declare it to be lemonade and roll your eyes in shocked disbelief as to why everyone isn’t lining up for a swig.

Because no matter whether you’re pulling for the Duluth Democrats or the Rockford Republicans, most Americans don’t care which side wins as much as they care about stuff getting done. Simply calling attention to yourself by being the loudest and rudest a-hole standing on a table and pounding on your chest doesn’t do dick but annoy everyone in earshot.

Cruz wouldn’t be the first newbie to the Senate who gambled the best way to the top is not by the long slog of building a legislative record of accomplishments (Obama sure didn’t) and in Washington, even exhibitions of unbridled ambition this naked aren’t unusual.

What is unusual is how bound and determined Cruz is to sharpen his elbows and jab in the ribs either Democratic foe or Republican ally as if neither one of them can respond with an act of payback that chops him off at the ankles.   If being the darling of right-wing radio and blogs is all it took to win the Republican presidential nomination, Cruz would have it locked up and Rand Paul, Chris Christie, Jeb Bush and all the other potentials could skip 2016. However, just being the darling of right-wing radio and blogs is not the same thing as being the darling of the party elders and the big shots who write the checks and Cruz is not that guy.

Washington is a small town with big egos and long, ugly memories. Cruz hasn’t been there long enough to know this, but 2016 is still far enough away for him to learn

“Damn. I think that Negro and the cop spotted me!”