Trumpmentum!

Why the hell do you take me seriously? Even I wouldn’t vote for me!

A few thoughts about Donald Trump…

The first thing to say about Donald Trump, billionaire blowhard, is he will not be taking the Oath of Office in January 2017 as the President of the United States.  It’s not happening. There is no way.  There is no chance.

I don’t care what the polls say.   I don’t care about the hypothetical match-ups against Hillary Clinton.   I don’t care how far the news media is up Trump’s ass.  None of it matters.  I don’t give the America voter credit for much, but I’m not so jaded as to think they are going to pick a reality TV show character as their president.

Which doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the hot mess Trump is making of the Republican presidential field, particularly how he has overtaken and overwhelmed Jeb Bush, the dude who was supposed to be the inevitable nominee and square off against Hillary Clinton. Bush vs. Clinton II: Electric Boogaloo was supposed to be next summer’s blockbuster. Now there are reasons to doubt if one, the other, or both will be there for the match-up.

Best. News. Ever.

They all laughed when The Donald said he was running for prez.

If you’re a Republican insider, you ain’t laughing anymore.

Suddenly, I’m very interested in the debates because Trump! will say ANYTHING HE WANTS!

Somewhere RNC chairman Reince Preibus is curled up in a fetal position sucking his thumb and crying his widdle eyes out. The Donald just drove the GOP Klown Kar off a kliff.

Trumpmentum is Preibus worst nightmare. Trump’s ascendancy comes at the expense of the A.Y.O’s. (All You Others) of the field and forces his main rivals to respond to him. There’s been a muted response from Bush, Walker, Paul, Rubio among others to actually take on The Donald over his amazingly racist rant against “rapists and criminals” Mexicans and the longer they dummy up the more it pisses off the critical Latino vote. NBC, Univision and Macy’s haven’t nearly as reluctant to drop The Donald.

Would you trust someone who rides a Segway to be your president?

This is all very, very bad for the Republicans now. Later, it probably won’t matter. But how much damage will Trump do to the GOP brand before he finds his way to the exits?   Preibus’ grand scheme for a stage-managed, well-behaved primary and debate process has been upended by the upstart Trump as he stomps around in muddy boots all over the carpet, knocking over tables, annoying the guests, belching, farting and scratching in inappropriate places with Preibus watching helplessly as it all turns into a giant foul turd sandwich.

Trump has been depicted as a problem the Republicans created. He’s not. Trump’s supporters are the problem as their far-right extremism and hunger for his brand of bloody, raw, red meat politics is dragging the whole damn party to the edge of the cliff.
So sad. Too bad. I’ll wave “bye-bye” as they go over.

Fun!

Somewhere in America a rich man is laughing. He’s laughing loud and long and he’s laughing so hard he’s crying and about to crap his silk boxers.

This wealthy man says the most outrageous things. He insults entire races. He offends decent people. He exploits a horrific tragedy for political advantage. He slaps around a main rival’s wife. He is dropped by networks and sponsors and he responds not by apologizing, but by upping the acidity of his attacks and the result is he rises in the polls even while the media sputters in indignation.

His poll numbers are rising. The more he is attacked and mocked the more he appeals to the Republican base who get off on his un-PC approach. He is a stone cold lock to be large and in charge at the first GOP presidential debate where he doubtlessly will use the national spotlight to say something so far out the buses don’t run there and even a nut like Ted Nugent might exclaim, “Damn, dawg. You really said that?”

Yes he will. He really will say that and he might drop trou too if he feels like it.

Who farted? HE farted!

Who’s gonna tell him he can’t? Trump is merely the comedian who warms up the crowd before the main attraction comes on stage. The problem for Republicans who don’t want Hillary Clinton to replace Barack Obama is they treat Trump like he is the main attraction.

Things could not be going better for Donald J. Trump. Things are going just fine. The plan is coming together and everything is under control.

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What’s The Matter With the Republican Outreach Plan? Republicans.

Three commissioners.  One douchebag.  Can you spot him?

“I’m John.” “I’m Randy.” “I”m Racist.”

I get asked sometimes, “Jeff, why do you hate Republicans?”

Frankly,, that question puzzles me.  I have never said I hate Republicans.  Because I don’t.   I don’t like  lot of Republicans, but that dislike grows with the distance between local level and national Republicans.   The further up the political food chain you go the less likable Republicans get.

After last year’s electoral shellacking some of the smarter members of the Grand Old Party came to recognize they had a serious image problem with people of color.   They resolved to do something about that.   They needed to fix the image.  Never mind the awful policies or the awful  personalities articulating the policies.   The rebranding of the Republican Party wasn’t going to be about coming up with a better brand of dog food.   The goal was to convince the dogs that they just weren’t getting the message.

A better question would be, “Why do Republicans hate me and anyone that looks like me.”

The chairman of the Republican National Committee, Reince Priebus, whose name sounds like a shampoo ingredient, laid out his master plan to win over Blacks, Latinos and Asians who had gone big for President Obama and the Democrats in 2012.

Hi, my name is Reince Priebus and my job sucks!

While Democrats benefited from well invested and expansive political operations in states across the country in 2012, Priebus acknowledged the Republicans faced a deficit in that area and said the GOP would combat shortfall by launching a $10 million initiative dedicated to outreach in minority communities.

“The Obama campaign lived in these communities for years.  Their relationships were deep.  They were authentic,” Priebus said.  “We’re going to be announcing a $10 million initiative just this year which will include hundreds of people, paid, across the country, from coast to coast, in Hispanic, African American, Asian communities, talking about our party, talking about our brand, talking about what we believe in, going to community events, going to swearing-in ceremonies being a part of the community on an ongoing basis paid for by the Republican National Committee, to make the case for our party and our candidates.”

Yeah, you have fun with that, R.P.   Priebus may be sincere in broadening the GOP base, but not everyone is on board with the initiative.   Some to ridiculous extremes.

Jim Gile, a Republican commissioner in Saline County, Kansas, used an offensive racial slur during an argument with a fellow commissioner, but he wants everyone to know that he isn’t a racist because he’s “built Habitat homes for colored people,” and also that he has a black friend:

In a recording made by County Clerk Don Merriman of the study session, Gile, who is white, can be heard to say the county needed to hire an architect to design the improvements rather than “nigger-rigging it.”

His comment brought laughter from others in the room. Salinan Ray Hruska, who attends most commission meetings and study sessions, asked Gile what he said.

“Afro-Americanized,” Gile replied. . . .

Gile said he grew up around the term, but it is something he shouldn’t have used.

“I am not a prejudiced person,” Gile said Friday. “I have built Habitat homes for colored people.”

Gile said he also has a close friend whom he regards as a sister who is black.

Damn man, could you fuck that up any worse?

It would be a mistake to allow one idiot Republican nobody in Kansas to cock up the entire idea of outreach, which is a good idea.  It shows there are people left in the GOP who actually get it that there’s a problem here.   The thing is the Republicans have spent such a long time dividing the country along racial lines and appealing to fear of “the other” that they can’t just turn on a dime and become the party of openness and diversity.   It’s like squeezing your feet into shoes one size too small.  It’s a bad fit.

When you’re a political party who’s been wiped out in consecutive presidential elections and you’re tired of being called old, White and racist, who you gonna call?   The Super Six G.O.P. Outreach Team!

Rep. Don “Wetback” Young
Jim “the Nigger Rigger” Gile
Dr. Ben “Gay Marriage Will Lead to Pedophilia and Bestiality” Carson
Sean “Ben’s Ass and My Lips” Hannity
Sen. Rand “Hey, I Love the Civil Rights Act” Paul
Sarah “Shuck and Jive” Palin

Todd Kincannon and Jennifer Olsen because superheroes need stupid sidekicks.

and Reince Preiebus as Professor X.

It’s hard to clean up the image of a party that lives and thrives on racial baiting and the politics of polarization

These half-assed efforts at “outreach” might be a sign Republicans just aren’t any goddamned good at this sort of thing.

Fail.

jennifer-olsen