Grumpy Old Man Gets Older and Grumpier

McCain in a bad light.

Remember when John McCain was the Reasonable Republican leader?   If you do, you’re showing your age.  That Johnny Mac is long gone.  This is who he is now.  A grumpy 79-year-old man who having got punked by Donald Trump.  In 2008,  McCain screwed his presidential chances by selecting Sarah Palin.   Now he sounds like Sarah Palin.

“Barack Obama is directly responsible for it, because when he pulled everybody out of Iraq, al-Qaida went to Syria, became ISIS, and ISIS is what it is today thanks to Barack Obama’s failures, utter failures, by pulling everybody out of Iraq. “So the responsibility for it lies with President Barack Obama and his failed policies.”
~ Sen. John McCain, 06/17/16

What in the entire fuck is wrong with McCain?  Is this just a Republican senator taking on a Democratic politics in the usual “I don’t like this guy since he beat my ass eight years ago and took the job I deserved, so I’m gonna hate on him and blame him for the worst mass murder in recent history.”

Politics are involved, all right. The politics of “I’m in a tough reelection fight and I can’t afford to piss off Donald Trump voters so even though he totally disrespected me, I’m gonna out-Trump Trump.”

McCain is in a harder primary fight than he expected, and even if he wins it he faces a strong Democratic challenger in the fall. He’s trying to save his ass and to do so he’s joined the lunatic fringe. If Trump had said the same damn thing everyone would shrug it off as the latest word vomit spewed from his rancid piehole. We’ve come to expect The Donald’s special disdain of truth and facts.

But this is Johnny Mac. Big-time war hero. P.O.W. Soldier. American hero. For him to shit out this garbage doesn’t lessen Barack Obama, but it does diminish McCain. It makes him small and it makes him look weak and like an old pol who’s hung on too fucking long, and right about now, those are things he can’t afford to be.

“I misspoke” is bullshit. Weak-ass BULLSHIT. It was bullshit as an excuse as Trump saying he was “misconstrued” in his bigoted attacks on Judge Curiel and it’s bullshit when a U.S. Senator accuses the President for being personally culpable for the deaths of 49 people. It’s worse when McCain does it, because when his mouth disengages from his brain, people actually listen and many of us can’t believe what we’re hearing from him.

Let’s apply John McCain’s twisted logic to his favorite person: John McCain. As a fighter pilot during the Viet Nam war, McCain was a pilot and part of the Operation: Rolling Thunder bombing campaign of North Vietnam. Estimates of civilians killed in the bombing vary between 52,00 and 182,000 killed, and critics of the war say villages and hospitals were targeted. McCain was personally involved in 23 combat missions.

A small man continuing to grow smaller.

A small man continuing to grow smaller.

Applying the senator’s reasoning to himself, instead of running for reelection as a war hero shouldn’t he be prosecuted as a war criminal instead?

Ludicrous? Absurd? Ridiculous? Sure, but so is Johnny Mac as he bows down to Trumpism, the philosophy of the guy who said about McCain, “I like people who weren’t captured.”

I like people who don’t run scared and talk out their ass.

The Republican’s “Deep Bench” Got Trumped.


Exit…Stage Right.

There will be no contested convention in Cleveland.   No white knight will rise to rescue the Republicans from the monster that devoured them.   We started off with 17 governors, senators, former CEO’s and other leading lights of the GOP.    One-by-one they were out put out to pasture.  Insulted, humiliated, and belittled until they were beaten by a dude who may not even be a Republican.

Last week in Indiana, Trump’s final remaining challengers, Terrible Ted Cruz and John “Son of a Mailman”Kasich finally faced the cold hard truth.  The voters weren’t buying what a Texas senator and the Ohio governor were selling, but they were all-in for a billionaire businessman from Noo Yawk who’s never held elected office.  With Donald Trump Ascendant it’s time to ask one question and its the one question which needs answering more than any other question.

What the hell happened to that “deep bench” of candidates the Republicans had as opposed to the weak scrubs the Democrats had?

The myth of the Deep Republican Bench has been exposed as the total and complete fraud it was.   Writing in the Washington Times, Joseph Curl boasted in 2014 how the GOP was stacked to the max with presidential contenders while the poor Dems were left with little more than cold pizza and moldy meatloaf to choose from.    Curl got a good giggle from the prospective candidates.

…Hillary Rodham Clinton, who got crushed last time by a first-term senator no one had ever heard of, and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, a one-dimensional politician who has repeatedly said she does not plan to run in 2016.

The Dem bench thins significantly after that — ever heard of Jim Webb or Martin O’Malley? Didn’t think so. They get mentioned most often after Mrs. Clinton and Mrs. Warren. And party leaders still talk seriously about Vice President Joseph R. Biden making a run. Highly unlikely. So crushable.

It’s so much fun to look back with the benefit of hindsight isn’t it.   It gets better.   Carl next crushes on The Notorious B, Bill Kristol, the Weekly Standard editor and former head cheerleader for Sarah Palin’s presidential hopes, who rhapsodized wistfully draming of the 26 (!) potential Republicans who would wrest control of the White House from the Kenyan usurper/occupier come the next election.

“…the Republicans are sitting on the deepest bench they’ve had in decades. Bill Kristol, the editor of the Weekly Standard, counts some 26 potential candidates: “John Bolton, Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal, John Kasich, Pete King, Mike Pence, Rick Perry, Mitt Romney, Marco Rubio, Paul Ryan, Rick Santorum, Joe Scarborough, Scott Walker, and Allen West … Dick Cheney, Tom Cotton, Mitch Daniels, Joni Ernst, Newt Gingrich, and Rudy Giuliani.”

The Donald and the 16 Dwarfs

“Each of you would be a better president than Hillary Clinton. You would deserve the thanks of man and woman if you beat her. And if your name is not on this list, don’t feel slighted. Rather, feel free to volunteer you’re also more ready than Hillary. If you think you’re the right person go for it.”

He missed a few others: Nikki Haley, Brian Sandoval, Susana Martinez. And of course Rand Paul. That pushes the number to 30. Not all are top-tier, ready-to-govern candidates, but all are, as Mr. Kristol points out, “more ready than Hillary.”

I don’t read Curl on a regular basis and in retrospect, in 2014 nobody saw the Trump Express bearing down on the rest of the Republican, but these are among the WORST prognostications made about the 2016 presidential race.   You could hardly be as wrong as Curl was.     The Republican field featured five current and former U.S. Senators (Graham, Cruz, Rubio, Paul and Santorum),  nine current and former governors (Christie, Walker, Kasich, Huckabee, Pataki, Perry, Gilmore, Bush, Jindal),  a well-regarded brain surgeon (Carson) and a less well-regarded CEO (Fiorina).     If you had asked the experts like Mr. Curl if Trump would have been the one to crush ALL of them, he’d probably blow snot bubbles out of his nose laughing at the suggestion.

Who’s laughing now?  Besides Trump that is?   The GOP establishment is trapped in a nightmare they can’t wake from and the only thing that stands between Trump and the rest of America getting caught up in it as well is Hillary Rodham Clinton.   It’s a terrible position to be put in for a Republican who abhors Trump to have to rely upon a woman they’ve hated for decades to save the country from a narcissist infected by megalomania.

What happens next?  Don’t ask me.  This is unfamiliar territory to all of us.  The experts are now saying Trump can’t win in November no way no how.  They were saying that when he was over a year away from November 2016.  Now he’s only six months away.

Meanwhile, for all you Cruz/Fiorina ‘16 fans, get your orders in NOW. Operators are standing by. They got no choice.. The movers have already taken the chairs and desks and are coming back for the phones.

Buy this crap now before some poor kid in El Salvador or Haiti ends up rocking the gear of two assholes like Cruz and Fiorina who’d never let them in this country in the first place.

Collectors Items? Nah. Just garbage.

Prayers Are Not Enough

There have been thousands more memorials for the dead since Sandy Hook.

As opposed to the slow-to-no response from the 2016 Republican presidential candidates to the Colorado Springs shootings less than a week ago, following this week’s  the shooting spree in San Bernadino that left 14 dead, most of them reacted  quickly to get out their expressions of shock and sympathy for public consumption.

Notice any differences between the Democratic and Republicans?

“Our prayers are with the victims, their families, and the first responders in San Bernardino who willingly go into harm’s way to save others,” Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) tweeted.

It was remarkably similar to the response from Cruz following the shooting at a Planned Parenthood office in Colorado Springs last week.

“Praying for the loved ones of those killed, those injured & first responders who bravely got the situation under control in Colorado Springs,” Cruz tweeted at the time.

“Praying for all those victimized by the shootings in San Bernardino, California today,” tweeted New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie.

Jeb Bush’s message was nearly identical.

“Praying for the victims, their families & the San Bernardino first responders in the wake of this tragic shooting,” he tweeted.

“My thoughts and prayers are with the shooting victims and their families in San Bernardino,” wrote Ben Carson.

Donald Trump, not surprisingly, offered a response with a bit more attitude — but it still said nothing about guns.

“California shooting looks very bad. Good luck to law enforcement and God bless. This is when our police are so appreciated!” Trump tweeted.

The Democratic hopefuls struck a strikingly different tone.

“I refuse to accept this as normal. We must take action to stop gun violence now,” Hillary Clinton tweeted.

“Mass shootings are becoming an almost everyday occurrence in this country,” Bernie Sanders tweeted. “This sickening and senseless gun violence must stop.”

Martin O’Malley called out the National Rifle Association by name.

“Horrifying news out of #SanBernardino. Enough is enough: it’s time to stand up to the @NRA and enact meaningful gun safety laws.”
Prayers are no substitute for taking action. The Democrats say something must be done but lack the will or votes to do anything. The Republicans say a prayer and do nothing.

My reply? God helps those who help themselves.

Not sure which “meaningful gun safety laws” could be enacted to address rampant gun violence in America, but one thing clear to me is prayers aren’t working.

Prayers are no substitute for action.

obama grief

There may be value in prayer and I’m not knocking it, but if God is busy at a football game or something, I don’t leave it all in His hands. More has to be done than sending up prayers to a God who may not be there or may not be interested in getting involved.

I prayed for change.
I prayed after Sandy Hook.
I prayed after Charleston.
I prayed after Paris.
I prayed after Colorado Springs.
I prayed time and time again after senseless acts of violence here in America, in Europe, Africa, the Middle East and around this troubled globe.

I pray and nothing changes.   If we have learned nothing from Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech, Columbine, Aurora, Colorado,  and now San Bernardino it’s that grief is not enough, tears are not enough, prayers are not enough.

This says to me maybe I should pray less and do more.

Republican Enablers Make Attacks on Abortion Providers Possible. Democratic Wimps Make It Inevitable.

Colorado Springs shooting suspect Robert Lewis Dear of North Carolina is seen in undated photos provided by the El Paso County Sheriff's Office. A gunman burst into a Planned Parenthood clinic Friday, Nov. 27, 2015 and opened fire, launching several gunbattles and an hourslong standoff with police as patients and staff took cover. By the time the shooter surrendered, at least three people were killed, including a police officer and at least nine others were wounded, authorities said. (El Paso County Sheriff's Office via AP)

Colorado Springs shooting suspect Robert Lewis Dear of North Carolina: the latest American Psycho

“We can’t let it become normal. If we truly care about this — if we’re going to offer up our thoughts and prayers again, for God knows how many times, with a truly clean conscience — then we have to do something about the easy accessibility of weapons of war on our streets to people who have no business wielding them. Period. Enough is enough.”
~ President Obama in response to the shootings at a Planned Parenthood clinic

I’m going to engage in speculation here, but I feel certain it isn’t reckless or irresponsible speculation.   The motives and motivations of Robert Dear, the suspect in the Colorado Springs shooting spree  which left three dead and nine wounded, are yet unknown.   What his political leanings were or party affiliation was is also still in doubt, but here’s what I believe isn’t in doubt:  this one is on the Republicans.

I’m not going to lay the blame on conservatism as a whole, but specifically the fault goes to the Republicans. Between Fox News, right-wing radio and opportunistic G.O.P. politicians in cheap suits making Planned Parenthood part of their Axis of Evil, it was only a matter of time before some asshole got their grubby mitts on a gun and started shooting up a clinic. “I’m going to kill cops, patients, nurses and doctors to save the babies because I’m Pro-Life!”

It wasn’t just Carly Fiorina lying her Botoxed face off with a phony video slamming Planned Parenthood as a baby body parts merchant. Fiorina was the one to lie and keep lying after she got caught lying. Fuck the truth and fuck the facts. ARE YOU NOT OUTRAGED?

It’s a goddamn travesty it is even necessary to have police guarding clinics for a woman to undergo a medical procedure.

That’s the Republicans for you. They light the fire, throw gasoline on it, push you in and claim you were clumsy and fell in, then demand an apology for being accused. There is always a chance this Angry White Man could turn out to be a Pro-Choicer who staged a false flag covert op to gin up sympathy for abortion clinics and the movement. We know that’s bullshit, right?

Dr. George Tiller: murdered by an anti-abortion terrorist in 2009.

It is completely acceptable to blame the Republican Party for an abortion clinic terrorist when they have created the political climate in the U.S. that emboldens and then sympathizes with this sort of domestic terrorist action. If wasn’t for the fact a cop was among the slain the GOP would be as sympathetic as they were when Dr. George Tiller was murdered in Kansas by another Angry White Man with a gun.

Dr. Tiller had been singled out by Bill O’ Reilly as “Tiller the Baby Killer” and mentioned him 28 times on his top-rated program. After Tiller was gunned down by Scott Roeder, O’Reilly expressed his sympathy–for his own demagoguery and Fox News’ demonetization of Tiller:

When I heard about Tiller’s murder, I knew pro-abortion zealots and Fox News haters would attempt to blame us for the crime, and that’s exactly what has happened. […]

No backpedaling here, madam [Mary Mapes]. Unlike you, I report honestly. Every single thing we said about Tiller was true, and my analysis was based on those facts. […]

Now, it’s clear that the far left is exploiting — exploiting — the death of the doctor. Those vicious individuals want to stifle any criticism of people like Tiller. That — and hating Fox News — is the real agenda here. Finally, if these people are soooo compassionate — so very compassionate, so concerned for the rights and welfare of others — maybe they might have written something, one thing, about the 60,000 fetuses that will never become American citizens. Or am I wrong?

O’Reilly was wrong but no high-profile Republican calling him out for being wrong.

Be clear on this: I am blaming the far-Right, the right-wing noise machine and the Republican Party’s craven opportunism and pandering to the anti-abortion zealots in general and the mendacity of Carly Fiorina specifically. So-called “Democrats” and “liberals” who had nothing to say about the GOP’s propaganda then are useless enabling dupes with nothing of relevance to say now that people are dead.

You can’t play footsie with sort of fanaticism the way Republicans have and then claim it has nothing to do with anything when some nut takes fighting words and turns them into bloody action.

Denial of the pro-life militancy poison the Republicans have injected into the American body politics supersedes any claim of supposed liberal bona fides. Is it polarizing and impolitic to say the Republican Party has enabled and all but abetted this sort of bloody violence against abortion providers and Planned Parenthood? Sure it is, but so is the rhetoric spewed by the GOP for a long time now and if that didn’t honk off these so-called “liberals”, I could not care less if they don’t like it being said.

The Republicans love to bang on President Obama for not using the term “Radical Islam” in response to international terrorism. When the Republicans call what Robert Dear did in Colorado Springs an act of domestic terrorism, they’ll have a point instead of just a talking point.

The timidity of politicians and the refusal of citizens to call this act of violence by its rightful name: domestic terrorism is denying what happens here in the United States is the same damned thing as what happens on distant shores. A day has passed since the attack in Colorado Springs and only two out of 14 GOP presidential candidates have responded to the shootings, so if before gets offended I’ve namechecked the Republican Party, save some of that righteous wrath on the men and woman who want to be your next Commander-in-Chief yet have nothing to say when yet another city becomes a killing field.

Chances Robert Dear was part of some armed anti-abortion resistance like The Army of God are small, but even if he was the latest in a never-ending series of “lone wolves” hard to detect and harder to stop that should be worrisome to all sides of the abortion argument.

As a writer and journalist, I know how much words mean.  Words matter and words like “baby-killer” and “abortion mill” only polarize.  They can’t facilitate reasoned discussion, but they can push an already mentally unstable person to pick up a gun and go off on a mission to kill the baby killers and when one political party specializes in that sort of hate speech they own the consequences of the chaos it creates.

The passivity of consensus-seeing liberals in the face of concerted conservative enabling of ferocious anti-abortion extremism has not and will not elevate the debate to a higher plane of civility. It’s only abandoning women–and mostly poor women–to the non-existent mercies of maniacs like Robert Dear.

Another city. Another rampage. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

Another city. Another rampage. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

The reproductive rights of women are literally under attack from anti-abortion fanatics enabled and abetted by the Republican Party. That may not pleasant to read, but it’s far less harmful to the ego than a crazed gunman’s bullets are to the body of a cop, client or staff of an abortion clinic. Republican lawmakers have done all they can to limit, prohibit, restrict and legislate abortion out of existence until they get another Supreme Court justice in place to outlaw it entirely. By this time next year they may well be in position to do just that.

The ramifications of a Republican president returning to the Oval Office is too slow and uncertain for the domestic terrorists who don’t want to wait. The radical extremists targeting abortion providers are hoping their atrocities will be minimized and marginalized as nothing more than one nut’s unhinged act of violence. The Left loves to pin a Good Conduct medal on their shirt for being on the “right” side of women’s issues, but when it comes to putting any teeth to the talk, they opt not to offend the Republicans who have fed this Frankenstein monster since Roe v. Wade.

Liberals and Democrats are selling women out under the vain hope by not being blunt about the enablers Republicans have been to abortion extremist they are going to move them to a more moderate middle ground on abortion and all that is doing is getting people killed. This is the flip side of the argument conservatives have so successfully made against the Left over international terrorism but they aren’t anywhere as reticent about hurting the feelings of liberals and Democrats.

You Don’t Know Kevin McCarthy and You Never Will.

Kevin McCarthy immediately before being frozen in carbonite by House Republicans.

Kevin McCarthy immediately before being frozen in carbonite.

Kevin McCarthy was supposed to be the new Speaker of the House.  He’s not and now he never will be.   What happened?  Was he indicted for corruption?   Did he take selfies of his junk and send them to an intern?   Was he caught in a compromising position in a Rayburn building men’s room?

No, no, and no.   The reason McCarthy isn’t the Speaker comes down to four words:  Goddammit, Kev! STOP SNITCHIN’!!!!!    What destroyed McCarthy’s dream?   He committed a cardinal sin for a Republican.  He told the truth.

“Everybody thought Hillary Clinton was unbeatable, right?” McCarthy said on Fox News. “But we put together a Benghazi special committee, a select committee. What are her numbers today? Her numbers are dropping. Why? Because she’s untrustable. But no one would have known any of that had happened had we not fought.”

Uh-oh.  Bad Kevin!  Still, It’s kind of funny to watch a man try to gag back up the shoe he swallowed whole.

After his controversial comments about the Benghazi committee, House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) on Tuesday issued a new statement clarifying that the committee was formed to find the facts. His press release came after Hillary Clinton’s campaign released an ad Monday night slamming Republicans for using the investigation to attack her politically.

“The mission of the Select Committee on Benghazi is to find the truth — Period,” McCarthy said in the statement. “The integrity of Chairman Gowdy, the Committee and the work they’ve accomplished is beyond reproach. The serious questions Secretary Clinton faces are due entirely to her own decision to put classified information at risk and endanger our national security.”

“Kevin McCarthy?” You mad, bro?”

“It was never my intention to ever imply that this committee was political. Because we all know it is not. And it has one sole purpose, let’s find the truth wherever the truth takes us,” McCarthy said after his initial comments. “And you know what? Sometimes truth comes out, and other manners, and let’s not let politics hold that back.”

It’s a sure sign a politician is lying when he uses the word “truth” three times in five sentences. It’s also a pretty neat Jedi mind trick for McCarthy to suggest its Hillary Clinton who made this Benghazi b.s. political.

Hillary still appreciates the gift from the Republicans.

McCarthy that screwed his bid to replace the Boner was he violated the Number One Rule of politics and its the same rule Don Corleone tried to get through Sonny’s thick skull. Never let them know what you’re really thinking.

Do I buy the suggestion McCarthy set himself on fire today because he woke up this morning and decided he didn’t want the worst job in Washington? No. Not for one second do I buy that bag of refried bullshit and no one else should either. Whatever it was McCarthy was snorting, inhaling, digesting, smoking, shooting up or injecting in his nutsack wore off, and he realized not only did he not want this shit job, he didn’t have the votes to win anyway and who  needs the humiliation of having to go crawling to the Caveman Caucus for their support?

Not McCarthy. He dog-legged it over to the nearest gas station, filled a gas can with regular (now under $3 bucks a gallon. Thanks, Obama!), soaked himself down, borrowed Boehner’s lighter and set his doomed candidacy afire.


McCarthy exposed the dirty little secret of the House Republicans. This was never about getting to the bottom of what happened in Benghazi. It was always about getting Hillary Clinton and scuttle her presidential run.

If I hear one more Republican yapping about wasteful government spending and screwing the taxpayers, I’ll refer them to the $4 million bucks McCarthy, Gowdy, Boehner and the Republican majority of the House have gone through crazier than a sex maniac in a whorehouse with a credit card.

Stop the sham. Cut the crap. Shut down the Select Committee on Benghazi. Burn it down with the same fire which burnt McCarthy’s ambitions to a crisp.

What would it have taken for Kevin McCarthy to win enough votes?

The Quitter

John Boehner: Sphincter of the House

John Boehner quit his job.   One question.  Why’d it take so long?

Boehner must want to go work on his tan.    As Speakers of the House go I recall the reign of error of Jaunty Jim Wright and Dumbo Denny Hastert (recalling my Mighty Marvel Bullpen days), and Nimble Nancy Pelosi was no prize either, but Joltin’ Johnny Boehner brought his own special sort of suckiness to the job.

Fuck this shit. I just wanna go hit a bucket of ball, smoke a few cancer sticks and drink my scotch in peace. Beats workin’.

I wouldn’t carve out a new Mt. Everest of Leadership for Boehner, McConnell, Pelosi and Reid, but really, WHAT are we losing by this fucktard bailing and running for the exit?

A government shutdown? Had one with the Boner in charge. Endless Benghazi investigations? Still got those with the Boner in charge. Refused to raise the debt ceiling? That was the Boner again. Voting 50 FUCKING TIMES to defund Obamacare? All on the Boner’s watch. Disrespected by and unable to control the Tea Party Crazies in his caucus? That’s gotta be the Boner.

In my lifetime, there have been ten Speakers of the House. I liked some, respected a few and loathed the rest. Without question or qualification, despite the disparaging nickname, John Boehner was hands down the absolute worst, most ineffectual, limpest dick to wield the gavel. Nancy Pelosi had been bigger balls than Agent Orange.

“During the — during my years here when I voted, I have the eighth most conservative voting record in the Congress. And it does pain me to be described as spineless or a squish. And I tell you what pains me the most is when they describe me as the establishment. Now, I’m the most anti-establishment speaker we’ve ever had. You know, who was the guy who got rid of earmarks? Me. Who’s the guy that believes in regular order? Me. Who believes in allowing more members to participate in the process from both sides of the aisle? Me.”

Who’s a whiny-ass little bitch? You, John Boner Boehner. You were a squish. A spineless little slimy worm.

Don’t tell me who’s coming after him will probably be worse. Look at the flotsam and jetsam in the House Republican leadership and tell me something I don’t know. Tell me if Boehner’s replacement will be as impotent as he was?

I despise gutless, cheap political hacks like Boehner who will wear his permanent stink of failure like a cheap dollar store cologne.

Bye-bye to the Boner. The Worst Speaker of the House in my lifetime. A hemorrhoid on the nation’s asshole, John Boehner was as useless as a Trojan with a hole in it.



Snap Judgments from the 2nd GOP Debate (a.k.a. “Fear the Walking and Talking Dead”).

Now with 100% more Carly!

Now with 100% more Carly!


Marco Rubio:  (energetic and laid down some pretty good smackdowns on The Donald. Now what will he do with the spotlight?)
Carly Fiorina: (even better smackdowns of The Donald, but she’s running for a Cabinet position or another Senate bid)
Rand Paul: (probably too late to help much, but he joined in on The Donald Dogpile with enthusiasm.  Lindsay Graham and Piyush Jindal give you two thumbs up!)


Ben Carson: (Hey! Doc! You’re right next to the front runner and you’re in second place in Iowa.   Kick his ass!  You think if she were in your place Carly wouldn’t? )
Jeb Bush: (Because he stayed awake better than the first debate, but he couldn’t have been much worse).


John Kasich: (if you want to move up in the podium positioning Johnny-Boy, you gotta say something worth remembering besides you wouldn’t defund Planned Parenthood)
Donald Trump: (Ever see a team get a big lead on an over-matched opponent and keep running up the score?  That was Trump.  Punching on Paul’s poll numbers and looks is dumb).


Chris Christie: (STOP LYING ABOUT MY RECORD!    Aw shit.  That was me lying about my record!)
Scott Walker:  (Like cheese?  Like beer?  Visit Wisconsin.  We’ve got lots of both.  Why am I here again?  Oh yeah. To stop Kasich from taking my spot here)


Ted Cruz:  (So you were happy when George Bush selected John Roberts for the Supreme Court but now you’re mad he did?  First rule of politics, Ted: Never apologize and never explain Look how well that’s been working for The Donald, the shark to your pilot fish).
Mike Huckabee: (Is there a church somewhere with a need to hire a Bible-thumping, fire n’ brimstone preacher because this guy knows nothing about the U.S. Constitution).


Ronald Reagan:  Because he’s dead and didn’t have to watch these losers stumbling around on stage claiming to be St. Ronnie’s secret love child.

Say, why are we on our second Repubs debate before the Dems even have their first?  Isn’t it about time Hillary and Bernie and Marty all got together to spread the boredom around?  Since they both come from states without pro football teams, Lincoln Chafee and Jim Webb have nothing better to do this weekend.  Uncle Joe might even show up.  He’s always fun!

“My reason for not watching the GOP debate? Well, I’m dead, so there’s that…”



Why the hell do you take me seriously? Even I wouldn’t vote for me!

A few thoughts about Donald Trump…

The first thing to say about Donald Trump, billionaire blowhard, is he will not be taking the Oath of Office in January 2017 as the President of the United States.  It’s not happening. There is no way.  There is no chance.

I don’t care what the polls say.   I don’t care about the hypothetical match-ups against Hillary Clinton.   I don’t care how far the news media is up Trump’s ass.  None of it matters.  I don’t give the America voter credit for much, but I’m not so jaded as to think they are going to pick a reality TV show character as their president.

Which doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the hot mess Trump is making of the Republican presidential field, particularly how he has overtaken and overwhelmed Jeb Bush, the dude who was supposed to be the inevitable nominee and square off against Hillary Clinton. Bush vs. Clinton II: Electric Boogaloo was supposed to be next summer’s blockbuster. Now there are reasons to doubt if one, the other, or both will be there for the match-up.

Best. News. Ever.

They all laughed when The Donald said he was running for prez.

If you’re a Republican insider, you ain’t laughing anymore.

Suddenly, I’m very interested in the debates because Trump! will say ANYTHING HE WANTS!

Somewhere RNC chairman Reince Preibus is curled up in a fetal position sucking his thumb and crying his widdle eyes out. The Donald just drove the GOP Klown Kar off a kliff.

Trumpmentum is Preibus worst nightmare. Trump’s ascendancy comes at the expense of the A.Y.O’s. (All You Others) of the field and forces his main rivals to respond to him. There’s been a muted response from Bush, Walker, Paul, Rubio among others to actually take on The Donald over his amazingly racist rant against “rapists and criminals” Mexicans and the longer they dummy up the more it pisses off the critical Latino vote. NBC, Univision and Macy’s haven’t nearly as reluctant to drop The Donald.

Would you trust someone who rides a Segway to be your president?

This is all very, very bad for the Republicans now. Later, it probably won’t matter. But how much damage will Trump do to the GOP brand before he finds his way to the exits?   Preibus’ grand scheme for a stage-managed, well-behaved primary and debate process has been upended by the upstart Trump as he stomps around in muddy boots all over the carpet, knocking over tables, annoying the guests, belching, farting and scratching in inappropriate places with Preibus watching helplessly as it all turns into a giant foul turd sandwich.

Trump has been depicted as a problem the Republicans created. He’s not. Trump’s supporters are the problem as their far-right extremism and hunger for his brand of bloody, raw, red meat politics is dragging the whole damn party to the edge of the cliff.
So sad. Too bad. I’ll wave “bye-bye” as they go over.


Somewhere in America a rich man is laughing. He’s laughing loud and long and he’s laughing so hard he’s crying and about to crap his silk boxers.

This wealthy man says the most outrageous things. He insults entire races. He offends decent people. He exploits a horrific tragedy for political advantage. He slaps around a main rival’s wife. He is dropped by networks and sponsors and he responds not by apologizing, but by upping the acidity of his attacks and the result is he rises in the polls even while the media sputters in indignation.

His poll numbers are rising. The more he is attacked and mocked the more he appeals to the Republican base who get off on his un-PC approach. He is a stone cold lock to be large and in charge at the first GOP presidential debate where he doubtlessly will use the national spotlight to say something so far out the buses don’t run there and even a nut like Ted Nugent might exclaim, “Damn, dawg. You really said that?”

Yes he will. He really will say that and he might drop trou too if he feels like it.

Who farted? HE farted!

Who’s gonna tell him he can’t? Trump is merely the comedian who warms up the crowd before the main attraction comes on stage. The problem for Republicans who don’t want Hillary Clinton to replace Barack Obama is they treat Trump like he is the main attraction.

Things could not be going better for Donald J. Trump. Things are going just fine. The plan is coming together and everything is under control.