The Rules of the Writing Game

RULE #1:  Write Alone.  

Writing is like masturbation.  It’s best done in private.  It’s awkward when done before an audience.   If a spouse, significant other, roomie, or BFF ever says, “I want to watch you write.  I’ll just sit over here and be quiet,”  gently and lovingly kick their ass out.  People are noisy and noise is distracting and distracted writing is bad writing.

My writing area is in my son’s room on the home PC.   There is a window on my left shoulder and a door on my right.  The significance of the strategic placement of these objects will be made clear shortly.

I write with music.  Jazz when I’m trying to get my thoughts straight and rock when my mind is a jumbled puzzle of chaos and disorder.  And not just any kind of rock.  The the loud, brutal, head banging kind of rock.   I serve up some KornNine Inch Nails, Ministry or Rob Zombie when I need to blow the bad shit out of my brain.  This is the kind of music you wouldn’t play for your grandparents unless you didn’t like them and wanted to drive them stark, raving mad.

I don’t have a dog but if I did, I’d keep it out of the room when I’m working.   Dogs may be man’s best friend, but not when he’s lost in a thought.   Some dogs are patient and comprehend their master is busy at the moment and does not want to play catch or get licked on the face.   Other dogs don’t give a shit.  Those dogs are every bit as much of an attention whore as a Kardashian near a camera.   They gotta go.

Cats are the same way.  When they want to petted, stroked or fed, they want what they want and don’t care what you want.   If you simply must have a pet in the room limit it to a goldfish.  A goldfish doesn’t need to be walked and isn’t going to jump in your lap breathing its hot stank breath in your face. Added bonus:  If a goldfish starts bugging you, pour it down the toilet and get another one just like it tomorrow.  After you’ve finished the Great American Novel.

A window can be a distraction if you allow it to be one.  I get inspiration from the sights, sounds (and occasionally the smells) of the world outside.  If I lived in New York City I’d be overcome by sensory overload.   I won’t say it makes the work go any easier, but it can be a welcome break from the occasional grind of getting the words to line up just so.

The door doesn’t offer as much inspiration, but it does afford a certain degree of privacy.   Privacy is important when you’re writing, but I keep the door open wide enough so when others in the house pass by they realize my groans, moans and sighs are based upon frustration with how the work is coming and not satisfaction because I’m touching myself inappropriately (I did say writing was like masturbation, remember?).

Plus, if you write in your pajamas, ratty old house coat, tighty whities or butt nekkid, do you really want the rest of the world to see you looking like a red-hot mess while you’re furiously tapping away at the keyboard?

RULE#2: Writing does not require a suggestion box.

There is a terrible misconception non-writers have about writers. Or to be specific, non-writers have a terrible misconception about me as a writer. I don’t write for them. I write for me. I have no idea what I should write to please an audience, so I try to please myself and hope an audience finds it pleasing too. This is the only way I know to make it work. I’m not sure any other way does.

” Jeff, why don’t you write about (fill in the blank)?”

Oh, maybe because I don’t want to, that’s why? I’m a opinionated and informed man, but there are many things I’m not informed of and have no opinion on. Some subjects take time, research, fact-checking, verification, analysis, data-mining and just more plain hard work than a 500 word blog post can do justice to.

There are hundreds of stories I would like to tell but can’t because of a lack of time to tell it the way it needs to be told. If you can’t go all the way, why go at all? Nothing is as obvious as sloppy writing because the author cut corners, took shortcuts and generally half-assed it.

You want to know why I can’t stand Rush Limbaugh? Not just Angry White Man persona, boorish behavior and caveman politics, though that’s plenty reason enough. How can I trust someone who never says, “I don’t know.” Limbaugh always has an opinion about everything. Whether it makes any sense is not the point. Rush will always have a point whether he knows jack or shit about the subject.

Limbaugh is what my dear departed Daddy called, “smart-ass White boys. They pontificate, they pronounce and they pose when in truth not a one of them knows nuthin’ about nuthin’. How many times are writers told to write what they know? Well, what if you don’t know anything?

I’m a writer and a journalist, not a talking head, not a professional pundit and prognosticator. Whatever little credibility I have comes from knowing when to call my shot and what the game is before I do. You can’t predict the pitcher with scorch a 90 mph slider across home plate the sport is basketball, not baseball. It makes you look ridiculous and I hate to look ridiculous.

Which is another way of saying I not only write what I know, I write what I’ve learned and if I have learned nothing and know nothing, I write nothing. Case in point: Hey, Jeff! Did you see the cover of Vogue magazine with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West? What did you think about that?!

Insert vacant stare here. You can add a little drool coming from the side of the mouth to the effect.

I didn’t think anything about it. What do I care about people I’m not interested in on the cover of a rag I don’t read? Put Kimmy Cakes on the cover of Field & Stream or National Geographic if you want. I still cannot begin to tell you how many damns I do not give.

Easy reading comes from hard writing. For me, writing about the lives of the rich and for no reason famous is like being waterboarded with gasoline; It might not kill me, but I’d sure wish i were dead and put out of my misery.

People who make suggestions of what you should write do it to be helpful. I get that. They also do it because what they want you to write is probably something they want to read but lack the skill to write it themselves. That’s understandable, but seriously–go take a class or something and learn how to DIY.

There’s this quote from Bill Hicks I liked so much it’s on the header of my blog, “I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.” I’m not opposed to people making suggestions and bringing something to my attention, but I have my stuff to do and coming up with ideas of what to do next has never been a problem for me.

Rule#3: I am not a tortured artist.

The biggest load of bullshit since the fertilizer truck turned over on the freeway is this nonsense you must write everyday. Uh…and what if you don’t want to write today because you don’t have anything you want to write about? This thing about writers suffering for their craft is a total load. If writing drove me to drink, depression and despair, I wouldn’t do it. I’d learn how to crochet or take a long walk around the park on a sunny spring afternoon and synchronize my eyes checking out the pretty girls jogging. Who needs a splendid miseries in their life? Not me. I want to be taken seriously and respected, but it’s not so vital to my existence if I remain obscure, unsung and unnoticed that I’m going to jump from a great height and turn myself into street pizza. It ain’t no ways that important. Maybe in death I’ll earn the kudos I hoped would be forthcoming in life. More likely that’s not going to be the case.

Stressing out when the words on the paper or screen don’t line up as precisely as they do in my head is frustrating, but hardly a reason to torture myself. I’m a serious writer, but writing isn’t all that serious.

Writing has a therapeutic effect on me. I haven’t gone out and bought a gun because I can write out my anger. I haven’t killed any of the richly deserving bastards who so desperately need to stop breathing air because I can call them bastards in my writing. I haven’t broken the law with my deviant fantasies and violent tendencies by setting them loose on an unsuspecting world because all that dark, creepy stuff has an outlet with the power of the written word. All of us have our inner demons. Writers have found a way to pimp theirs out and make a buck off of them and it is a darn good thing we have. There would be a lot more socially maladjusted serial killers and sexual predators if they couldn’t get their ya-yas out pressed between wood pulp and selling for $25.95 on Amazon.

I am not a martyr for my art. I do not suffer silently in a life of quiet desperation. I am not a tortured artist craving your acknowledgment and pleading for acceptance. Far from it. I’m a good writer and dammit I know I am. That long dark night of the soul stuff? Been there and done that and got the T-shirt to show for it.

My confidence in my ability came the old-fashioned way: I earned it. I know what it feels like to be ignored, to be belittled and to be told in no uncertain terms you suck eggs. If you can’t cope with rejection, don’t be a writer. You won’t last because when the whole world seems as though its conspiring against your talent you got to believe in yourself. That’s the only thing that will pull you through and enable you to come out on the other side with your soul intact.

I do not suffer for my art. Far from it. I write what I like because I like writing. As Gloria Steinem once said, “Writing is the only thing when I’m doing it, I don’t feel like I should be doing something else.”

I know what she means.

What We’re NOT Going to Get According to Rachel Maddow

Watching Rachel Maddow makes you smarter. It’s a scientific fact.

Okay, that’s enough.   Your prolonged temper tantrum has been quite amusing, disappointed Republicans, but it’s time to cut the crap.

It’s sad and tragic that some people are having such a hard time waking up to the realization that Obama is still president, but you’ve had a week to let that sink in.   After a respectable amount of time to give you time to accept you’ve got four more years to suffer through,  I don’t haven even  one more minute to waste waiting on Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, Ted Nugent, Sarah Palin, Mary Matalin, Victoria Jackson, Fox News and pissed off wives that run down their husbands for not voting to get over their Obama Derangement Syndrome.

Some of us are pretty pleased with how last Tuesday turned out.   Rachel Maddow is one of the smartest news personalities we have.  Watching her makes me smarter than I was before I tuned in.

Maddow ran down a list of what wasn’t going to happen with Barack Obama safely back in the White House.  It was quite a list and if anyone missed it, it bears repeating.

(1) “We are not going to have a Supreme Court that will overturn Roe vs. Wade. There will be no more Antonin Scalias and Samuel Alitos added to this court.”
(2) “We’re not going to repeal health reform. Nobody’s going to kill Medicare and make old people in this generation — or any other generation — fight it out on the open market to try to get themselves health insurance. We’re not going to do that.”
(3) “We’re not going to give the 20% tax cut to millionaires and billionaires, and expect [cutting] programs like food stamps and kids’ health insurance to cover that tax cut.”
(4) “We’re not going to make you clear it with your boss if you want to get birth control with the insurance plan that you’re on.”
(5) “We are not going to redefine rape.”
(6) “We are not going to amend the constitution to stop gay people from getting married.”
(7) We’re not going to double down on Guantanamo.
(8) “We’re not eliminating the Department of Energy, the Department of Education, or Housing at the Federal level.”
(9) “We are not going to spend two trillion dollars on the military, that the military does not want.”
(10) “We are not scaling back on student loans because the country’s NEW plan is that you should borrow money from your parents.”
(11) “We are not vetoing the Dream Act, we are not ‘self-deporting.’”
(12) “We are not letting Detroit go bankrupt.”
(13) “We are not starting a trade war with China on Inauguration Day in January.”

(14) “We are not going to have — as a president — a man who once led a mob of friends to run down a scared gay kid to hold him down and forcibly cut his hair off with a pair of scissors while that kid cried and screamed for help. (And there was NO apology, not EVER.)”
(15) “We are not going to have a Secretary of State John Bolton. We are not going to bring Dick Cheney Back. We are not going to have a foreign policy shop stocked with architects of the Iraqi war, we are not going to do it … We had the choice to do that if we wanted to do that, as a country, and we said no, last night, loudly.”

Ah, Rachel, if television is the idiot box, it’s no wonder the idiots hate you for refusing to dumb down your show to make stupid people (like this moron in Cincinnati) feel better about themselves.

Right-Wing, Erectile Dysfuntional Bigot Seeks College Student for Humilation.

The ladies love my Little Limbaugh!

The right-wing icon and supposed “comedian” or “entertainer” a.k.a. The Talking Asshole, Rush Limbaugh is at it again.

LIMBAUGH: What does it say about the college coed Susan Fluke [sic], who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex? What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex.

She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex. What does that make us? We’re the pimps.

The johns, that’s right. We would be the johns — no!

We’re not the johns. Well — yeah, that’s right. Pimp’s not the right word.

OK, so, she’s not a slut. She’s round-heeled. I take it back.

The definition of the slang term “round heels” is: Promiscuous. It is meant to suggest that the girl -or guy- in question tips backwards easily i.e. is ready for sexual intercourse in the missionary position.

So who is Sandra (not Susan) Fluke? What has she done to incur the Wrath of Rush?

Just a college student who decided to go before her elected officials and testify why contraception is important.

Fluke, a third-year student at Georgetown University Law School, was a witness at an unofficial hearing of the Democratic Steering and Policy Committee last week, convened by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), as a response to an earlier all-male panel hearing held by the Oversight and Government Reform Committee. (The committee’s chairman, Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.), had not allowed Fluke to testify at the original hearing, saying she was not qualified to do so.)

"No Mr. Limbaugh. I don't do fat dudes with limp weenies."

Fluke explained at the hearing that as a student at a Jesuit campus that does not provide contraception, birth control costs can be as high as $3,000 during the time that she is in law school. She expressed opposition to a bill sponsored by Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo.), which would allow employers to avoid providing contraception for religious reasons.

“These exceptions don’t accomplish their well-intended goals, because when you let university administrators or other employers, rather than women and their doctors, dictate whose medical needs are legitimate and whose aren’t, a woman’s health takes a back seat to a bureaucracy focused on policing her body,” Fluke had said.

On his show Wednesday, Limbaugh suggested that the reason Fluke cannot afford birth control methods is because she is having too much sex.

“Can you imagine if you’re her parents how proud of Sandra Fluke you would be? Your daughter goes up to a congressional hearing conducted by the Botox-filled Nancy Pelosi and testifies she’s having so much sex she can’t afford her own birth control pills and she agrees that Obama should provide them, or the Pope,” he said, according to a transcript of his show.

“Well, I guess now we know why Bill Clinton went to Georgetown and why Hillary went to Wellesley,” he continued. “All the sex going on at Georgetown. Sandra Fluke. So much sex going on, they can’t afford birth control pills.”

As someone who is blessed with enough brains to not listen to Rush Limbaugh, the fact that he is saying something stupid, sexist and imbecilic is not newsworthy. That’s like dogs chasing cats.

I do know Limbaugh, like Beck and Coulter and O’Reilly and the rest of that motley crew say things for effect as much as because they actually believe the smack they’re running. However, usually it’s directed at someone who can fight back or should expect that kind of treatment. President Obama, Nancy Pelosi and most of the targets of Rush’s wrath know it goes with the territory.

But despite testifying before the House Democrats, Sandra Fluke is not a public figure and there’s only word to describe what Limbaugh is for going after her in such a way.

He’s a bully. Nothing more. Nothing less.

And he’s not backing off his scorning of Sandra Fluke. He’s escalating it.

…on his radio show today, Limbaugh showed no remorse and instead reveled in the attention. Referring to Fluke, Limbaugh demanded that women post sex tapes online if they use insurance-covered birth control:

LIMBAUGH: So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.

Limbaugh also said he found the outrage over his remarks “absolutely hilarious.” He again completely misrepresented Fluke’s testimony, saying, she “went before a Congressional committee and said she’s having so much sex she’s going broke buying contraceptives and wants us to buy them.” In fact, Fluke testimony was about a friend — who is gay — and needed contraception for medical reasons, but was denied coverage by Georgetown, a Catholic university.

He went on to say, “I will buy all of the women at Georgetown University as much Aspirin to put between their knees as they want” — a reference to Rick Santorum-backer Foster Friess’ home-spun idea of birth control.

Rush revels in being talked about and to the extent I’m furthering his goal, I regret it.

However, my problem with Rush has never really been with the stupid and vile shit he spits out over the airwaves. My problem is with the people who continue to listen to and lap up that vile shit.

I have no doubt someone who condemns Rush publicly is tuning in and laughing their ass off listening to Rush call a college student a “slut” and a “prostitute.”

Rush Limbaugh is not the problem. He’s just a pimp working his hustle. It’s Rush Limbaugh’s listeners that are the problem.  They keep the fat bastard wealthy and able to buy all the Viagra and Thailand ladyboys he wants.

What’s their problem? Don’t they have any shame?

"How many inches is my Little Limbaugh? This many. Why you asking?"

Nuthin’ But Love for the First Lady’s Butt

This is what "consider the source" means.

Here’s what a slow news day looks like.

Rep. Jim Sensenbrenner (R-Wisc.), known for his cantankerous ways and for not speaking to media unless it’s his idea, was overheard at the Delta Crown lounge at Reagan National Airport today talking on his cellphone about an incident he said occurred three weeks ago while at an Episcopal church auction. Please note, a church auction.

Our source, a Democratic operative who heard the whole thing, said he was “very loud”. Sensenbrenner was overheard saying that after buying all their “crap” (his word) a woman approached him and praised first lady Michelle Obama. He told the woman that Michelle should practice what she preaches — “she lectures us on eating right while she has a large posterior herself.”

The representative might have a better case to make about the First Lady’s gluteus maximus if he wasn’t sporting a double wide one himself and probably hasn’t seen his Little Sensenbrenner without a microscope and tweezers in the last twenty years.

If you want to accuse Michelle Obama of being a food and fitness fascist, there might be a credible case to be made for that, though it’s hard to see what’s wrong about anyone advocating eating better and staying active.

But when you have to add stupid remarks about a woman’s figure to make your point, you lose the argument. That’s just plain dumb. It’s rude too.

The First Lady looks good coming or going

Not to be sexist or racist, but all n’ all, my personal experience and observation is in comparison to their Caucasian counterparts, many Black women got it goin’ on with the junk in the trunk.

The First Lady has a nicely shaped posterior (not that I’ve looked).  Based on their belief that everything with the name “Obama” attached to it is wrong, bad, and evil, the First Lady’s crusade to get Americans to take their hands out of the Doritos bag, off the remote and get up and move something has been ridiculed by know-nothings such as Sensenbrenner, Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh, if you can believe that.

It doesn’t help Sensenbrenner’s case when he’s packing more than a few of extra lbs and a couple of spare chins.  Also, it’s a good thing if you’re not shopping in the Big & Tall section because you’re not particularly tall when you’re cracking on someone’s butt. Porky White guys who can’t see their feet commenting on the build of the Black First Lady who is not just fit, but obviously fitter than the person calling her out, are just asking to be ridiculed.

Or we could just go with the fact it’s sexist. Yeah, that works too.

Let me it  plain for Big Jim:  Michelle Obama is smart, beautiful, elegant and classy.  And she’s kind of hot. These are all the things you are not.   She was blessed with a bountiful boo-tay and if Barack doesn’t have a problem with it,  what’s your beef?

Have the self-awareness not to dog out someone for having a healthy and nicely proportioned butt if your own is unhealthy and spreading rapidly. Stick to wet dreams about a stick figure like Ann Coulter in a bikini, Congressman.

Nobody’s ever had a romantic fantasy about Big Jim Sensenbrenner. Imagine that ass in a thong.

Black women are the most marginalized women of color in the world to my way of thinking and I don’t arrive to that conclusion based upon advanced symptoms of Angry Black Male Syndrome.

The nerve of her! Trying to help kids get in shape!

Whether it is one fat bastard from Wisconsin snapping on the size of the First Lady derriere or Satoshi Kanazawa‘s post on the Psychology Today website, “Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?” or the Dutch fashion magazine that sneered about the singer Rihanna’s “ghetto ass” and dubbed her “the ultimate nigga bitch” a lot of people who are not Black and do not love Black women feel free to dismiss them for not meeting their standards of beauty.

It might be a personality quirk of mine since a Black woman gave birth to me, I married a Black woman and my daughter is a Black woman.  I don’t like hearing Black women being dogged out.  It might be be why I love, protect and defend Black women.

It doesn’t make a dime’s worth of difference to me if it coming from some clueless editors across the pond or a cheap backbencher 99.9 percent of Americans had never previously heard of.   Go after Black women and I’m coming after you.

Permission is not needed.  Agreement is not required.

Here’s the bottom line, so listen up America.  You have a First Lady that has a great ass.   Deal with it.

Ed Schultz is a Big, Fat, Idiot (with apologies to Al Franken).

Big Eddie and his brother from another mother.

Ed Schultz is a sexist jack-ass for calling Laura Ingraham a “slut.”   Let’s establish that first and let’s get ready for the half-assed “apology” he’s certain to make sometime in the near future (oops…looks like Schultz got put into the time-out corner for a week by the MSNBC brass after they suspended him without pay).

The second thing that needs to be established is if anyone qualifies as a “media slut” it’s Big Eddie.

Schultz was just another in a long line of Rush Limbaugh wannabees who flipped his political perspective when he saw there was no room on the Right for yet another clone of Limbaugh and pivoted to the Left.

How does a former jock turned sportscaster turned talk show host go from a radio station in Fargo to a nationally broadcast show on MSNBC?   Why, by whoring out whatever principles he had to become a born again Lefty.

After two decades of sports reporting, Schultz launched a 2 1/2-hour regional talk show in 1996.

The show, which he continues to host, blends interviews with local officials and sharp-edged banter with callers, spiced up with Big Eddie’s rants about national affairs. He might report on a local school board meeting, break for the latest on pork belly futures, then swerve into acid commentary on the presidential primaries. The broadcast area reaches into South Dakota and Minnesota; on any given morning, nearly 30% of radio listeners in the region are tuned in to his show.

For years, Schultz’s patter on the regional show was conservative. He scoffed at the homeless for complaining about the cold. “How about getting a job?” he’d ask. He sneered at the three Democrats who represent him in Congress, nicknaming them the Three Stooges.

“I lined up with the Republicans because they were antitax, and I wanted to make a lot of money,” Schultz said.

About two years ago, listeners began to hear a softer tone.  Schultz had once derided farmers for relying on government subsidies. Now he was pounding Bush for not offering extra aid during a drought. He was calling for universal health insurance. And more services for homeless veterans.

Some dismayed fans suspected a cynical motive. “My own opinion is, he knew he would never go national if he stayed on the right or in the middle. I truly believe he moved to the left because he thought that’s where his career would get the biggest boost,” said Ron Gilmore, 42, who runs a cleaning business in Fargo. “You don’t change your politics overnight like he did without a goal in mind.”

Schultz has all the scruples of Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Edwards in a strip club and is about as big a sell-out for whatever the Far Left is shoveling as a Sean Hannity is for the Far Right. The difference being Hannity has always been a shill for the Right while Schultz cynically decided switching allegiances was the smart career path.

Schultz’s switch may have convinced the suits at MSNBC, but there are those that caught his act back in the day are skeptical. 

Ryan Bakken, a columnist at North Dakota’s Grand Forks Herald and a longtime Schultz skeptic, tells me Ed’s ideological shift was drastic. “Ed was about as conservative as you could come. He may not have switched 180 degrees, but he switched 179,” Bakken says.

“Ed saw an opening,” says Bakken, the Grand Forks Herald columnist. “He’s always been smart and able to take advantage of opportunities.” Bakken says that earlier in Schultz’s career, when he was a sportscaster covering football, he switched his allegiance from North Dakota State University to rival University of North Dakota after changing stations.

In an ’03 column, Bakken speculated that Schultz’s transformation was a response to competition from another right-wing talker:

The reason for his shift is that Scott Hennen moved next door in Fargo and took a foothold on the right side of the political spectrum. You can’t get to the right of Hennen without falling off the edge of the world. So that left the left as the only ground available to occupy. You can’t live in the thoughtful, open-minded middle and keep your job in talk radio.

After Keith Olbermann’s firing, there were of pleas made by minority journalists for MSNBC to consider hiring or promoting someone of color to the supposedly “liberal’ network’s evening lineup.  Instead, MSNBC got even  Whiter by eliminating the 10:00 pm reruns of “Countdown” and moving Schultz’s early evening show into primetime.

MSNBC’s motto may be “lean forward” but their commitment to diversity falls back into the bad old days when only White men were providing the news.

What does Ed Schultz really believe?   Yeah, he can bluster and bellow with the worst of them and make his colleagues Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O’ Donnell look like Tea Party Patriots, but how much of Schultz’s song and dance just for show or sincerely what he believes in?

Switching rather than fighting paid off handsomely for Big Eddie the Blowhard, but there’s something about him that screams “opportunist.”   If he’s changed his beliefs before will he change them again if someone offers him enough cash to do it?  For years liberals have cried foul when Limbaugh and others on the Right have coarsened political debates with nasty personal slams to dirty up the opposition.   If it’s wrong when conservatives do it, it’s equally wrong when liberals start making mud pies too.

As far as it goes him calling Ingraham a “slut” that’s the wrong slur to use. Sluts give it away for nothing. Whores get paid and a man can be a whore too.

Don’t know about Ingraham’s private life, but Ed knows all about whoring himself for cash money, honey.  Maybe a little time off will remind him he’s no better than any of the right-wingers he rips.

Haiti Matters. Conan, Pat, Rush and Jay Don’t.

It’s no sin to seek refuge from the problems in the world of trash TV and psuedo-celebrities.  But when the earth trembles, buildings fall, people die and the world must answer the cries of the living lest they join the dead.    

The stupidity of a Pat Robertson and the selfishness of a Rush Limbaugh are deplorable and contemptible, but I refuse to let these two trolls distract me from the overwhelming acts of compassion and charity exhibited by people around the world and here at home.   Americans’ like to fuss and fight over dumb stuff. A politician’s gaffe, the egos of two talk show hosts, a billion dollar movie franchise forcing out its director and star and how will American Idol go on without Simon Cowell.  All these trivialities  fade into irrelevance in a time of crisis. 

I’m not on Team Conan or Team Jay.  I could not care less about the petty squabbles of millionaires.  I’m on Team Haiti. Not because I know anyone there. I don’t. Not because they’re Black like me. That’s got nothing to do with it. It’s because they’re human beings. Human beings who are dying, hurting, and suffering. How can I let the blathering of two clueless fools drown out the cries of people in need?

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.

~  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I don’t have time to worry about people who are more interested in airing their petty little grievances than alleviating a child’s pain. That’s on them and their conscience. I’m not pointing any fingers. I don’t have to. You know who you are.

I read an excellent response from a former soldier to some guy who said he’d sooner set his money on fire than give a dime to a failed state like Haiti.   The soldier responded:

If you don’t think the situation in Haiti warrants a shred of effort from you, then just ignore it and STFU. I only hope that in some point of your miserable future, you find yourself in such dire straights, that you have to get on your hands and knees to beg for help while receiving exactly what you’ve given – nothing.

Many years ago, Haiti got hit by a devastating hurricane. While in the Marines, I got dispatched to go there for hurricane relief. We loaded 5 hueys into a C-5 and were on our way. We landed in Port-Au-Prince and met by that despicable dictator, Baby Doc whats-his-name.

At that time, I was rolling my eyes thinking we were supporting this douchebag. The next morning, we flew to the other side of the island to begin one of the most humbling experiences of my life. We had steel 5 gallon containers that got loaded until we hit our weight limit. It was 100 degrees outside with a million percent humidity, but I had to wear my full flight gear – including gloves with sleeves rolled down.

We landed in every little village we could find and I had to pour that water into the most disgusting buckets you could ever imagine. But that’s all they had. Mothers were offering up their daughters to me for a drink of water. It was not uncommon to watch one man cold cock another for getting water before him. I had never seen so much desperation from people that could care less about their government, the red cross, or whatever whiny reason someone might have to hang tight onto their 10 bucks.

We did that for 12 hours non stop for 10 days. There were some places so destitute, that we couldn’t land. I had to jump out and grab water from a helicopter hovering inches off the sandy beach. I couldn’t give them the containers to pour because I would never see it again. When I poured the last drop, we would immediately ascend to about 8,000 ft to cool down, then start all over again. I got a commendation for it, but I don’t think I’ve ever even looked at it because I didn’t deserve it. I simply did what most passionate people would have done. There’s nothing extraordinary about that.

If these people had a choice, I’m sure they would take your crappy life of bitching about charity leaders over theirs. They are poor people living in Haiti because of the luck of the draw – the same reason you get to live in the lap of luxury – luck. Some of you are punishing these people because of the actions of people who have nothing to do with this situation.

Get over yourself and pony up $10 – it won’t kill you. To the rest that have given what they could, thank you for helping the world be a better place.

My mother-in-law is old, bedridden, sick, losing her hearing and eyesight and spends most of her declining days lying flat on her back with a television on she can barely see or hear. But she can still dial a phone and she called to ask, “What can I do to help? I don’t have much, but I want to do something.”

Choices abound. All you have to do is make one.

My wife asked, “How much are we giving?” I replied, “How much today?” We chose to give to Doctors Without Borders. There are a lot of reputable charities out there who have boots on the ground and can use what you can give. Many of the charities list right on the websites how much of the contribution actually goes to those in need.

Some of us can’t give. Others won’t give. Some people see the cause and choose to punish those in need. Others see the need and that becomes their cause.   

Limbaugh could give a lot, but he’s a greedy swine who isn’t hardwired to give a damn  if  poor people live or die.  Robertson could offer spiritual comfort if he wasn’t a vulgar man who pimps religion to mask his hatred.  

As a writer, I need words. Lots of words.  For events such as the Haiti earthquake I have no words.  But even if my words are weak and meaningless that isn’t to say words don’t matter.   CNN reported the story of an 11-year-old girl who was freed from the rubble after two days only to die because there was no hospital available to treat her injuries.

A family member said her last words were, “Mother, don’t let me die.”

If a piddling amount money could make the difference between keeping a girl alive and her dying, how could any human being deserving of the title turn away?

Rush Limbaugh Has A Heart? GET OUT!

The Rush Limbaugh Diet Plan: Illegal in 50 states, but what results!

It’s the last day of the first decade of the new century and America’s favorite hate-monger will greet the new year “resting comfortably” in a hospital bed in Hawaii after suffering chest pains.

I’m trying to squirt a tear or two for Rush Limbaugh, but I seem to coming up dry.  Well, at least I’m not laughing at him the way he did when he mocked actor Michael J. Fox and suggested Fox was “exaggerating” his Parkinson’s Disease symptoms in a campaign ad for a Democratic candidate in 2006.

“He is exaggerating the effects of the disease,” Limbaugh told listeners. “He’s moving all around and shaking and it’s purely an act. . . . This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn’t take his medication or he’s acting.”

Some left-wing, pinko, commie, America hatin’, Obama votin’ traitor might wonder if Boss Limbaugh’s is suffering some side effects due to his well-known addiction to OxyContin?   Well, I guess it’s possible

If I’m being a bastard for my lack of sympathy, Rush was a bigger bastard first.   All the nasty shit you put out in the world has a habit of coming back around and landing smack dab on your feet.   When Limbaugh decided going after a man fighting a chronic, incurable disease would be fun, he went over a line of civility, decency and humanity he should have known better to cross.

I can’t stand the SOB, but I actually hope he gets better. Who knew the bastard had a heart?

One thing I do wonder about. Was Limbaugh in Hawaii at the same time while the president was vacationing there?   Glenn Beck will be demanding to know whether Obama was seen pulling a “Mission Impossible” and climbing the side of the Kahala Hotel and Resort while wearing a black leotard with a syringe clenched between his teeth.

After all the evil shit Rush Limbaugh has said and done over the years, the fact he will spend the last day of the new millennium laid up in a hospital bed should be an opportunity for him to ponder whether someone’s trying to tell him something. Like change your evil ways and stop being such a dick.

From the last time I posted about Limbaugh I know by heart what the flummoxed response by his suck-up supporters will say.  Something along the lines of, “Why do you HATE Rush so much?  He’s just an ENTERTAINER!!

I have to laugh at this “Rush is an entertainer” crap. Anyone who finds Limbaugh’s pomposity, arrogance, privilege, racism, misogyny, homophobia and abject cowardice “entertainment” is someone I am happy not to count as a friend.   As far as the “hate”  goes,  Rush is a much better and far more vicious hater than I ever could be.

Rush has sent so much negativity out into the world. The fact that he’s lying in a bed somewhere with tubes running in and out of his orifices seems nothing less than poetic justice. I said from the jump I can’t stand the SOB and the fact he’s flat on his back won’t make me suddenly start liking him.

If someone wants to tell me despising Rush Limbaugh and everything he stands for means he has some influence over my life, that’s cool. My retort would be he has a lot of control over yours.

Rush Blows It.

Why, yes, I DO enjoy sucking on large, brown, phallic objects.

"Why, yes, I DO enjoy sucking on large, brown, phallic objects."

Rarely, (as in never) have I felt any need to comment on the same subject in consecutive blog posts, but I’m making this up as I go along and there are no rules to break.

The circus has left town and poor Mr. Limbaugh won’t be getting that NFL franchise he had his heart set on.  He’s been dropped as an investor in the group Dave Checketts was putting together to put together a bid for the wretched St. Louis Rams.

Boo-hoo. Wah, wah.

Rush will pontificate and pout for the next few days over how he was a righteous man besieged by a vast left-wing conspiracy. He can rant and rave and rage against all the usual suspects. He’ll warn of dark acts of vengeance against all that have plagued him. e’ll get the opportunity to wax poetic about his favorite subject—Rush Limbaugh—and the faithful will eat it up like little kids to ice cream.

All I care about is grubby little fingers won’t befoul any NFL team, even one as horrible as the Rams.

Ummm...I like em long, round and brown.

"Ummm...I like 'em long, round and brown."

It’s been a splendid sport watching how people play fast and loose with Rush’s obvious, deliberate and repeated acts of racism. Apparently, unless you’re wearing a sheet over your head and burning a cross in someone’s yard, anything short of that isn’t racism. Anyone can spot the overt bigots. It’s the subtle, sneaky ones that couch their racism and hatred upon the front of being “entertainment” that isn’t as easy for some to spot, if they can spot it at all.

I’m trying to envision a scenario where the guy who publicly proclaimed he wants the nation’s first Black president to fail then turns around and tries to entice players in a predominantly Black league to come play for his dogshit francise.

I got nothin’.

I’ve already seen on CNN some radio show mook describe what happened to Limbaugh as “a high-tech lynching” (and that’s a phrase that can now officially be laid to rest). It’s repulsive to even suggest Limbaugh being hoisted on the petard of his own words is comparable to the thousands of African-Americans who were slaughtered by lynch mobs.

Limbaugh makes for the world’s least likely and most unsympathetic martyr.

But it is a pretty impressive accomplishment for a guy who’s never held political office, holds no degrees and really doesn’t know much about 90 percent of the things he spouts off about but doesn’t let his monumental ignorance slow him down.

If Limbaugh is such a jock-sniffing, sports nut, maybe he should buy a NBA franchise and try to field an all-White team. He would only have to come up with 12 players as opposed to 53. The odds are much better.

It’s that or hockey.