Herman Cain: Shut Up, Fool!

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman…oh wait…yes, I did. And I’d like to again.”

It would be easy to give Mitt Romney the Shut Up, Fool! award for a second consecutive week.  Hell, after his “47 percent” remarks he’s made a strong bid for Lifetime Achievement status, but that was the Real Romney we heard sneering about the flotsam and jetsam of the country.   This was a country club,  wealthy, White Republican male bitching to other country club, wealthy White Republican males in his natural habitat.

Mitt didn’t misspeak.  He said what he meant and personally I found his momentary lapse of candor refreshing.  I don’t want him to stop now.  I want him to keep this up right up to Election Day.   There’s always another fool willing to step up and oh look, here’s a fool we haven’t heard from in a while.

When last we heard from Herman Cain  he was suspending his presidential campaign over allegations of sexual harassment were levied against him by several women, all White, emerged and another woman, also White, came forth detailing a long-term affair (ew!) with the former pizza CEO.

Cain quickly dropped out of sight and wasn’t asked to speak at the Republican National Convention, but he emerged from whatever rock he had been under to make several silly statements including if he hadn’t torched his own campaign with his inability to keep his sausage  in his pants, he would be beating President Obama in the polls.

“Stupid people are ruining America, and we’ve got to take it back,” he said at an appearance before 300 people at the University of Florida before he serenaded them with a rendition of “Believe In Yourself” from The Wiz.

Cain ended his political campaign amid allegations of multiple affairs and sexual harassment. But he said he would have a “substantial lead” over Obama if he had won the GOP nomination.

“The reason is quite simple: I have some depth to my ideas,” he said.

Depth to his ideas?   The only depth Cain cares about is the depth of a woman’s cleavage when he’s checking her out.

The only thing Cain brought to the Republican presidential primary was a total lack of qualifications and a lust for White women.   He said he would have no interest in serving in a Romney Administration.   Good thing.  There’s already servers, janitors and cooks working at the White House.   They don’t need Cain’s coonin’ ass making goo-goo eyes at Ann Romney.

If only Cain were the Republican nominee.   Obama would be up by 20 points and Republicans would be committing ritual suicide in mass numbers.   This election would already be over.  Alas, due to the Herminator fiendin’ for the White stuff we were denied the spectacle of Black-on-Black crime as Obama publicly kicked Cain’s ass in three televised debate/bitch slaps.

It was a missed opportunity for the American electorate but it’s good enough for a Shut Up, Fool! award.

She: “Herman, please! Not in public!”
He: “Michelle, don’t act like you don’t love my hat”

Would You Like to Play With Herman’s Pee Wee?

"How big is my pee wee? THIS big. Why you askin'?"

This could be the last word on Herman Cain.  If the fat lady hasn’t sang yet, she’s definitely warming up.

NEW YORK (AP) — Speaking in a halting voice, a Chicago-area woman accused Republican presidential contender Herman Cain on Monday of making an unwanted sexual advance against her more than a decade ago, saying she wanted to provide “a face and a voice” to support other accusers who have so far remained anonymous.

“Come clean,” Sharon Bialek challenged Cain, demanding he confess to any inappropriate behavior with her or other women.

Cain’s campaign instantly issued a denial. “All allegations of harassment against Mr. Cain are false,” it said.

She described an evening in mid-July 1997 when she had dinner in Washington, D.C., with Cain, whom she had contacted in hopes he could help her find a job. The two were in a car for what she thought was a ride to an office building.

“Instead of going into the offices he suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt toward my genitals,” she said.

“He also pushed my head toward his crotch,” she added.

She said she told Cain to stop, adding that he did.

White conservative men (and Ann Coulter who might as well be one) have rallied around “their Black,” saying Cain is under attack by the liberal media.

That was fine when Cain was dogging out Black folks calling them “brainwashed.”  That was fine when Cain was telling anyone who isn’t rich like he is  to “blame yourself..”  It was superfine when he was saying he’d be the first Black president because nudge-nudge Barack Obama is half-White, not all-Black like him.

"Wanna come to my playhouse and see my pee wee?'

It  was all fine as long as the accusers remained anonymous.   That’s over now.  Now we have a name and a face and even more importantly, we have details. Nasty details.

Even if it was proven Cain had sexually harassed women, that still would have been okay with his White male conservative base as long as they women were not White.  Herman Cain is from the South.  That shit is not going to fly with the good ol’ boys.   They may like a lot about Cain’s croonin’ and coonin’, but they are not going to like one bit the idea of Cain putting his hand near a White woman’s holiest of holies and the suggestion he tried to force a White woman to put his mouth on his sausage and pepperoni.

Man, that’s grab a rope and find a tree time for some of these rednecks.

That’s all folks,for Herman Cain 2012.  He won’t just quit and go away but he will become a punchline first and an afterthought soon after.  White conservatives will put up with a lot, but they won’t put up with a Black conservative feeling up a White woman.   We aren’t that post-racial yet.

Cain can’t joke away the damage and he can’t refuse to answer questions in the vain hope that will stop the questions.  If he is lying about the allegations he’s going to soon find out he’s running out of fools that believe his lies.

When this all broke loose Cain’s response to a reporter who asked if he had ever sexually harassed anyone was to take a long pause and then snarled, “Have you ever sexually harassed anyone?”

“I know you are but what I am?”answers to awkward questions won’t save Cain’s sorry ass.

What happens next won’t be politics as much as it’s math.

Take one accused sexually harasser flailing for a credible explanation…


Add a blonde Republican accusing him of some filth flarn filth.