You Don’t Know Kevin McCarthy and You Never Will.

Kevin McCarthy immediately before being frozen in carbonite by House Republicans.

Kevin McCarthy immediately before being frozen in carbonite.

Kevin McCarthy was supposed to be the new Speaker of the House.  He’s not and now he never will be.   What happened?  Was he indicted for corruption?   Did he take selfies of his junk and send them to an intern?   Was he caught in a compromising position in a Rayburn building men’s room?

No, no, and no.   The reason McCarthy isn’t the Speaker comes down to four words:  Goddammit, Kev! STOP SNITCHIN’!!!!!    What destroyed McCarthy’s dream?   He committed a cardinal sin for a Republican.  He told the truth.

“Everybody thought Hillary Clinton was unbeatable, right?” McCarthy said on Fox News. “But we put together a Benghazi special committee, a select committee. What are her numbers today? Her numbers are dropping. Why? Because she’s untrustable. But no one would have known any of that had happened had we not fought.”

Uh-oh.  Bad Kevin!  Still, It’s kind of funny to watch a man try to gag back up the shoe he swallowed whole.

After his controversial comments about the Benghazi committee, House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) on Tuesday issued a new statement clarifying that the committee was formed to find the facts. His press release came after Hillary Clinton’s campaign released an ad Monday night slamming Republicans for using the investigation to attack her politically.

“The mission of the Select Committee on Benghazi is to find the truth — Period,” McCarthy said in the statement. “The integrity of Chairman Gowdy, the Committee and the work they’ve accomplished is beyond reproach. The serious questions Secretary Clinton faces are due entirely to her own decision to put classified information at risk and endanger our national security.”

“Kevin McCarthy?” You mad, bro?”

“It was never my intention to ever imply that this committee was political. Because we all know it is not. And it has one sole purpose, let’s find the truth wherever the truth takes us,” McCarthy said after his initial comments. “And you know what? Sometimes truth comes out, and other manners, and let’s not let politics hold that back.”

It’s a sure sign a politician is lying when he uses the word “truth” three times in five sentences. It’s also a pretty neat Jedi mind trick for McCarthy to suggest its Hillary Clinton who made this Benghazi b.s. political.

Hillary still appreciates the gift from the Republicans.

McCarthy that screwed his bid to replace the Boner was he violated the Number One Rule of politics and its the same rule Don Corleone tried to get through Sonny’s thick skull. Never let them know what you’re really thinking.

Do I buy the suggestion McCarthy set himself on fire today because he woke up this morning and decided he didn’t want the worst job in Washington? No. Not for one second do I buy that bag of refried bullshit and no one else should either. Whatever it was McCarthy was snorting, inhaling, digesting, smoking, shooting up or injecting in his nutsack wore off, and he realized not only did he not want this shit job, he didn’t have the votes to win anyway and who  needs the humiliation of having to go crawling to the Caveman Caucus for their support?

Not McCarthy. He dog-legged it over to the nearest gas station, filled a gas can with regular (now under $3 bucks a gallon. Thanks, Obama!), soaked himself down, borrowed Boehner’s lighter and set his doomed candidacy afire.

Loser.

McCarthy exposed the dirty little secret of the House Republicans. This was never about getting to the bottom of what happened in Benghazi. It was always about getting Hillary Clinton and scuttle her presidential run.

If I hear one more Republican yapping about wasteful government spending and screwing the taxpayers, I’ll refer them to the $4 million bucks McCarthy, Gowdy, Boehner and the Republican majority of the House have gone through crazier than a sex maniac in a whorehouse with a credit card.

Stop the sham. Cut the crap. Shut down the Select Committee on Benghazi. Burn it down with the same fire which burnt McCarthy’s ambitions to a crisp.

What would it have taken for Kevin McCarthy to win enough votes?

The Quitter

John Boehner: Sphincter of the House

John Boehner quit his job.   One question.  Why’d it take so long?

Boehner must want to go work on his tan.    As Speakers of the House go I recall the reign of error of Jaunty Jim Wright and Dumbo Denny Hastert (recalling my Mighty Marvel Bullpen days), and Nimble Nancy Pelosi was no prize either, but Joltin’ Johnny Boehner brought his own special sort of suckiness to the job.

Fuck this shit. I just wanna go hit a bucket of ball, smoke a few cancer sticks and drink my scotch in peace. Beats workin’.

I wouldn’t carve out a new Mt. Everest of Leadership for Boehner, McConnell, Pelosi and Reid, but really, WHAT are we losing by this fucktard bailing and running for the exit?

A government shutdown? Had one with the Boner in charge. Endless Benghazi investigations? Still got those with the Boner in charge. Refused to raise the debt ceiling? That was the Boner again. Voting 50 FUCKING TIMES to defund Obamacare? All on the Boner’s watch. Disrespected by and unable to control the Tea Party Crazies in his caucus? That’s gotta be the Boner.

In my lifetime, there have been ten Speakers of the House. I liked some, respected a few and loathed the rest. Without question or qualification, despite the disparaging nickname, John Boehner was hands down the absolute worst, most ineffectual, limpest dick to wield the gavel. Nancy Pelosi had been bigger balls than Agent Orange.

“During the — during my years here when I voted, I have the eighth most conservative voting record in the Congress. And it does pain me to be described as spineless or a squish. And I tell you what pains me the most is when they describe me as the establishment. Now, I’m the most anti-establishment speaker we’ve ever had. You know, who was the guy who got rid of earmarks? Me. Who’s the guy that believes in regular order? Me. Who believes in allowing more members to participate in the process from both sides of the aisle? Me.”

Who’s a whiny-ass little bitch? You, John Boner Boehner. You were a squish. A spineless little slimy worm.

Don’t tell me who’s coming after him will probably be worse. Look at the flotsam and jetsam in the House Republican leadership and tell me something I don’t know. Tell me if Boehner’s replacement will be as impotent as he was?

I despise gutless, cheap political hacks like Boehner who will wear his permanent stink of failure like a cheap dollar store cologne.

Bye-bye to the Boner. The Worst Speaker of the House in my lifetime. A hemorrhoid on the nation’s asshole, John Boehner was as useless as a Trojan with a hole in it.